Political Humor | Freegans Equal Garbage-Eaters

Dumpster Diving For the 21st Century

By Chris C

Oh my fucking God the moonbats have lost their freaking minds. Ozone depletion was interesting. I thought global warming was a good one. I laughed at the British proposal for a tax on cars that give off CO2. But this movement is by far the dumbest thing ever.

We begin with a day-in-the-life of a freegan:

“For lunch in her modest apartment, Madeline Nelson tossed a salad made with shaved carrots and lettuce she dug out of a Whole Foods dumpster. She flavored the dressing with miso powder she found in a trash bag on a curb in Chinatown. She baked bread made with yeast plucked from the garbage of a Middle Eastern grocery store.”

The potpourri of disease and food-borne illnesses await you oh freegans!

Instead of spending money on food that isn’t old or expired, a freegan picks their groceries out of the garbage. Right now you are probably sitting there thinking: “but Chris she is probably poor or something.”

“Nelson is a former corporate executive who can afford to dine at four-star restaurants. But she prefers turning garbage into gourmet meals without spending a cent.”

Yes, people with college educations are voluntarily eating out of garbage cans and dumpsters. Not only that but Maddie quit her six figure income position at Barnes and Noble and is living off her savings to do this. She is fifty-one. I can only hope she invested wisely. I sweat retirement and I still have time at thirty-eight.

She had forty work blouses and ate at four-star restaurants but the problem wasn’t her spending habits of course. It was an economic system which gave her the ability to have that savings thus giving her the freedom to eat garbage. I am not so sure this is what Jefferson envisioned.

Look I can understand working for a large corporation. It sucks donkey balls. But why didn’t she start her own publishing company and help new writers get noticed? There are so many talented people that never get a chance to get published but deserve to.

How the fuck does eating garbage seem like a better option as far as the betterment of society? It is because it is all about Madeline Nelson and her freegan, garbage-picking, dumpster-diving belief system. She could have done something to help a lot of people but she chose to be selfish.

She doesn’t even have the balls to live off the land and grow her own food. No, she mooches like a vagrant. Look at the happy group of vagabonds in that picture.

Mrs. Nelson also screws the economy. Her liberal spending probably helped a lot of people who needed the money more then her, like the busboy in those four-star restaurants. What about the legal immigrant family who owns a dry cleaning business and now has lost the business of the garbage-eater?

Of course you expect some sort of irony in all this and here it is:

“Though many of its pioneers are vegans, people who neither eat nor use any animal-based products, the concept has caught on with Nelson and other meat-eaters who do not want to depend on businesses that they believe waste resources, harm the environment or allow unfair labor practices.”

So, it is not okay to buy food from a supermarket, but it is alright to take old food that had to be paid for by someone else. I am assuming the reasoning is that they take the stuff from the dumpsters of the health food stores. I must be wrong thinking that these places buy their food. Maybe it is some kind of hippie consignment system, who the hell knows.

Hippie Store Owner: Hey man, like all the food got old so like I can’t pay for the stuff I was supposed to sell last week dude.

Hippie Farmer Dude: That’s ok man, the freegans will take it. Dude this system rocks! Long live Gaia!

It gets better. All these freegans live with a bunch of people, mostly family. Living on your own is not an option. How the hell can you when you don’t have a job and pick garbage cans for dinner. I can understand being in a household with a husband or wife and kids, but we are talking the relatives that visit, not the ones that move in. Pick garbage for meals and live with the mother-in-law? Where the hell do I sign up?

I tell you, it just gets wackier and wackier all the time with these moonbat nutjobs. Next thing you know these people will try and convince us that giving someone else money to plant a tree will reduce the sun’s energy output.

Oh wait, they already did. Anyone know where I can buy tree seeds? I got an idea for a little side-venture.

Source: LA Times

Chris C is a freelance writer and author of the blog Nothing to See Here.

Rumor has it that Diesel picked a few gems out of the trash at Humor-Blogs.com

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