Steps to Combat Global Warming
Life, as we know it will no longer exist in 20 years. Coastal areas will flood. Mountains will slide into the oceans. The air will be toxic with CO2. Humanity is to blame for this impending catastrophe. Humans who have created Global Warming.
You can minimally increase the amount of time we have by taking drastic measures that ruin the quality of life to which you are accustomed. I know that many of you are skeptical that humans are the cause of global climate change, but the evidence presented in An Inconvenient Truth
“Technology is not the solution. Technology is the problem.”
Can you truly be so selfish as to think that the massive reduction in comfort and convenience isn’t worth it? Even when there is a tiny possibility that it might have a negligible impact on creating an insignificant effect on the unlikely global calamity we’re facing? If you think so, why are you so self-involved that you won’t consider the ramifications of your actions on future generations?
There are some who say that the global warming trend is totally natural. They say that the Earth warms and cools in a cyclical fashion, going to and fro through periods of warming, then cooling, then warming again. Some say that increased activity of the Sun is responsible.
Don’t believe the propaganda of the Fear Mongers who only wish to profit from scaring you and feeding you platitudes that everything is OK. Don’t believe the doomsday profiteers that just want to use reassurances of security and safety to boost the bottom line for their corporate shareholders. Annihilation is imminent, and none of us will survive.
So what can we do to have a nominal impact on global warming?
Give up electricity
Technology is not the solution. Technology is the problem. I’m sure that we could all just do fine without heat in the winter, or air conditioning in the summer. On the commune, we simply huddle together to keep warm. When it’s hot, we weave reeds together to make fans, and take turns fanning each other. You will also have no further need for refrigeration when you follow the next suggestion.
Grow a garden
You should be eating fresh, raw, natural foods anyway. Animals are not here to serve us. We are here to serve them (Baked, boiled, broiled, or barbecued. Yum. ~Fiar). Growing a garden not only gives you the food you need to nourish your body, but it nourishes the spirit as well, as you commune with Earth Mother tending to her bountiful vegetation.
Renounce running water
Personal hygiene is over rated. Gaia provides us with all the water we need from natural sources. At the commune, we can identify each other, merely by sense of smell. It’s the way Nature intended.
Travel by foot
Do you really need to go somewhere that is too far away to walk? I live by the credo that if it is too far to walk there, it’s not worth going at all. The most I ever need to travel is out to the woods when Nature calls. Sometimes I’ll even just contribute to the garden by adding a little fertilizer.
Just by taking these few drastic steps to alter your way of life you can have a diminutive effect on our ominous extermination. It’s critical that we adopt these proposals without delay. Life hangs in the balance.
Humor-Blogs.com understands that you can’t hug your children with nuclear arms.
If you want to help save the planet, read more satire.
Related: Saving the World with Puppies and Kittens
Flowers and Hugs
Promoting Free Speech
Bloodthirsty Babykillers Slander Patriotic Americans
Global Warming and Narnia
2004–2008
23 responses so far ↓
1 Skul // Aug 3, 2007 at 7:26 am
Is walking water OK??
2 Redneck // Aug 3, 2007 at 8:24 am
You forgot to not eat meat. How can you be a good libtard if you eat meat? How can you have any pudding if you don’t beat your meat?
Wait, that’s not right…
3 Daily Happiness Fact #19 - by Flowers Bloom — Passionate America // Aug 3, 2007 at 9:55 am
[...] is knowing that we can save the world from a cataclysmic climate change catastrophe by taking drastic measures that ruin the quality of life to which you are accustomed. digg_url = ‘http://www.passionateamerica.com/daily-happiness-fact-19-by-flowers-bloom/’; [...]
4 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 3, 2007 at 10:06 am
We could always blow up the sun. That would take care of that warming problem.
5 Wild Bill // Aug 3, 2007 at 10:09 am
Thanks Flowers Bloom, I followed your advice and stopped wasting water by taking showers. Its been 1 month and I no longer need to worry about unnecessary sex with my wife. The friction caused by sex and the absence of burning desire will save the planet it no time*
* no time means more than likely 150 years.
6 Chris // Aug 3, 2007 at 11:03 am
This is why Obama can’t be president! We need a nuclear winter to fight terrorists AND global warming!
7 Chris C // Aug 3, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I heard Obama say that if he was president, he would sit down and meet with Global Warming to try and work out our differences. Of course Hillary shrugged this move off, stating: “Global Warming needs growth-stifling legislation, not propaganda moments with problems.”
8 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 3, 2007 at 8:35 pm
Yo, Flowahs! I bought a SU-Frakin’-V, today. Suck on that tailpipe, you herb smokin’, smelly, non-hair washin’ hippie!
9 Flowers Bloom // Aug 3, 2007 at 9:38 pm
Wild Bill, That’s fantastic. I’m also pleased that you are doing your part to save us from the danger of overpopulation. Thank you.
Chris and ChrisC, Obama’s plan to negotiate is so simple it just could work.
RT, you seem angry. Have some chammomile tea.
Redneck, I said not to eat meat, but Fiar ruined it by saying they’re tasty.
10 FIAR // Aug 3, 2007 at 9:44 pm
That’s just weird. Flowers Bloom’s comment wound up in the spam filter. I don’t know if that means Akismet is smart, for filtering the retarded hippy, or stupid for filtering one of my authors.
11 BigMike // Aug 4, 2007 at 3:53 am
Have you tree-huggin, fish-kissers realized that NAMBLA is a ‘green organization’? You wont find any unwanted pregnancies over there, just some bald-headed, back-haird forty something men all hunkered over a strapping 12 year-old boy. Talk about enviromentally freindly.
12 jimmyb // Aug 5, 2007 at 10:41 am
Frankj wants to nuke the moon, RT wants to nuke the sun…
When will the madness stop!?!?!?
13 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 5, 2007 at 12:37 pm
Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
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