Political Humor | The Global Warming I’ve Grown to Love

I’ve been thinking…again

I know. I know. It goes against my liberal doctor’s advice. He told me I could do grievous bodily harm by trying to ponder the deeper aspects of life. This could lead to worry, setting me up for a whole host of medical problems. Besides, in his opinion, that’s what “educated” people are for and I needed to let those with the fancy, framed diplomas hanging on their walls do the thinking for me. That wasn’t exactly his words, but that was his intent.

He was talking to the back of my head, as I was bent over the exam table at the time. Making for a very uncomfortable conversation. Well, it really wasn’t much of a conversation. It was more like when your dentist asks you a question as he proceeds to drill a little deeper, just before the Novocain really begins to work. I don’t think I’ll be going back.

Sounds just like an elitist liberal, doesn’t it? Just gets the old panties all in a twist. Well, it’s a bold faced lie. I don’t even see a doctor. My primary care giver is a female P.A. with whom I’ve never discussed politics and probably never will. I like the wonderful level of care I receive from her. Not going to chance it.

So why did I come up with that whopper? I’m just emulating the fine examples set out by the U.N., the U.S. government, state and local elected officials, the scared-for-their-grants scientific community, school boards, a host of enviro-mental wack job “experts” and of course, the Fourth Estate. For those of you without the Ivy League sheepskin mounted behind glass, the Fourth Estate is the press.

All right, I don’t have one either

I’m just a guy you’ve never met, with an axe to grind

Though it kind of proves a point that I haven’t even brought up yet. Lying to the great unwashed masses doesn’t necessarily mean that a lot of those untouchables are stupid. I know I’m not and most of you aren’t either.

Politicians lie to me all the time about this so called “man-made climate change” crap. These are our elected officials, the ones who asked us to put them into office because they’re so honest. I’m just a guy you’ve never met, with an axe to grind, so I figured if it’s acceptable for them to deceive you, it’s OK for me to lie too.

Sound logical, uh?

Think this line of reasoning will work with the IRS? I can see it now.

Ripple effect into a J.D. from Scrubs style daydream scene

IRS: Mr. James is there any truth, at all, in your tax return?

Me: Nope.

IRS: Did you really believe that we wouldn’t notice a refund of $186, 282, with an income of only $600? And what, did you just pick that number out of the blue?

Me: I didn’t really care and no, I think it’s the speed of light.

IRS: Are you stupid?

Me: Hey, watch that! I’m far from stupid. Let me ask you something there college boy. Is everything that comes out of the mouths of politicians running for office an honest fact?

IRS: I don’t see what this has to do…

Me: Humor me.

IRS: Ah, no, not really.

Me: When they get into office, do all of those same politicians always tell the truth?

IRS: No, most are incapable of doing that.

Me: Is man-made global warming a reality?

IRS: Yeah.

Me: Why, because your congressman told you so?

IRS: I see your point. Huh, this kind of changes my perspective on your tax return. Now Mr. James, did you really only make $600 last year?

Me: No, I lied. It was more like $618.

IRS: Humm, I see. Well, adjusted for that new figure, you’re owed a refund of…$186,279.26. Have a nice day. And don’t think you can do that two years in a row.

Back to reality

You’ve got to admit that it’s a great fantasy. But in the real world we have to be a little more pragmatic. So I’ve made a list of a few things that might help get you going. I’ll give to you at the end of this post.

Next time you’re out with your brain-dead, left wing, Prius-driving “friends” don’t be labeled as a heretic. Tell them you’ve changed your mind (lie to them) and now you’ve decided to be optimistic about the coming destruction.

I suppose a good question would be, what’s with the happy face and the umbrella picture at the top? It’s like this, you can tell me all about how the earth is going to shrivel up and blow away.  I don’t believe it.  Preach to me about long and short wave radiation bouncing around and the half-life CFC’s and CO2 and relative humidity and what ever else you like.  It’s a bunch of crap.

If (and I use this only for arguments sake. Because like I said, I don’t believe it) global warming really happens with all it’s fury, it’s going to be more of a whimper.  The poles melt, OK. The temperature warms, OK.  It’s the exchange between hot and cold that produces weather.  If the oceans moderate, they will have far less influence over the weather. El Nino, La Nina are going to be things of the past.  Winds will be calmer and the earth will become more homogeneous. Rain fall will happen around water and those dry interiors will be dryer.  So what?  Aren’t fewer major storms a good thing?

Populations will have to shift. So what? Are you all so afraid that the climate will be stabilized?  That predicting weather will be child’s play? That weathermen will be out of a job? Is this what it all comes down to?  The weatherman’s lobby?  Come on, how often are they right anyway. They can’t get tomorrow’s weather right, how can they predict something twenty… years… from… now…

Hummmm?

Looks like I’ve gone on long enough. Kind of ran out of time. Guess you’ll have to wait until next time for that list. Sorry.

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