Political Humor | Great Moments in Hezbollah History

According to the Associated Press, Bashar Ja’afari, Syria’s U.N. ambassador, compared Hezbollah fighters to America’s founding fathers, telling CNN that “these people are fighting the same way George Washington did it 200 years ago.”

At first I was skeptical of this, and thought that it was patently absurd. I thought, our founding fathers were fighting for freedom and liberty, and Hezbollah is fighting to exterminate a race, but that is merely because I did not know all the facts. It seems the similarities are greater than the marginal differences. I will share a few stories of great moments in Hezbollah history, and just maybe, you can come away with a fresh perspective.

There is the story of Mahmoud Abu Revere-ali, who kept vigilant watch for enemy fighters. He ran through the streets and warned, “The IDF is coming! The IDF is coming,” and allowed Hezbollah “guerrillas” the time to find a handful of small schoolchildren to hide behind. When the savage IDF horde arrived, their brutal plans of murder and revenge were thwarted by the brave Hezbollah “militants” as they cowered behind 6, 7, and 8 year old children.

I’m sure the similarities are beginning to fall into place, but in case they aren’t yet, let me share the story of Ibn Mohammed al-Washington, and his bold invasion. Al-Washington knew that the murderous barbarians rested peacefully in their beds, and boldly crossed the border to kidnap some unarmed civilians. This provoked the thieves and liars of Israel, but their attempts at rescue, no matter how disproportionate, were futile, as the kidnapped hostages had already passed away peacefully in their sleep.

These are just two stories of how much Hezbollah resembles America’s glorious Founding Fathers. I am certain that with more research, I can find more, and you can too. Hezbollah is fighting to preserve a dream, much like our Founding Fathers did. Israel “is taking Lebanon backward 50 years and the result will be Lebanon’s destruction,” said Prime Minister Fuad Saniora. Their bombardment of populated areas and roads in Lebanon has killed hundreds, displaced as many as 750,000 and dismembered the transportation network.

Lebanese security officials said 384 people had been killed, including 20 soldiers and 11 Hezbollah guerrillas. Our reporters have now learned that where there was once a thriving 7th century metropolitan paradise, there is now nothing more than a desolate Hell, reminiscent of the 600’s AD.

One local citizen told of the town’s only market, and how it no longer stands. “We were so angry at the Jews, and their inability to compromise with our demands and die, that we went on a wanton riot and burned the market to the ground. Now we have no market to buy our groceries, and it is all because the insolent Jews refuse to cease to exist.” The man was so furious that he met a state of spontaneous combustion before we could get his name.

In an unrelated story, an unidentified freedom fighter launched a suicide attack, right in front of reporters. No one was killed in the blast, but 3 Israelis were reported dead, and one IDF soldier was reported injured.

Related: Bastille Day
A History of Groundhog Day
The History of Independence Day

Subscribe to Radioactive Liberty.