Hillary Clinton’s thirty-plus years of public service have been amazing. For example, last week she reluctantly admitted that she ‘helped bring peace to Northern Ireland.’
For some reason, Hillary’s view of her own career reminds me of those Chuck Norris jokes about how he could beat everyone up in real life.
But in Hillary Clinton’s version of the Chuck Norris joke, she kicked Chuck’s ass, made him cry and cured cancer. All in a day’s work for the second-place Presidential candidate I guess.
Clinton once claimed to bring peace to the Middle East by providing the pen for Bill to sign the stunningly-successful Oslo Accords. It was a Cross
pen by the way.
Hillary helped win the War on Poverty. I don’t know why this is a big deal. You don’t even need Chuck Norris, just a well-armed police action. It worked so well for the War on Drugs so success a second time around was no surprise.
Hillary Clinton the Uniter
Hillary brought George Dubya and John McCain together again in an uncomfortable reunion and endorsement of the 72-year-old man. Hopes are high for the Republicans this Presidential election year, as the party unites to fight the evil Democrats.
Hillary helped pass the Patriot Act. It changed money laundering laws and led to Eliot Spitzer getting busted for paying thousands of dollars to some self-esteem lacking bimbo from Jersey for sexual favors. Dirty, no-condom sex, by the way. Which is what people call ‘unsafe sex’ these days, I guess.
No, unsafe sex is with a cheap hooker, sharing needles while she is punching you in the kidney. The odds favor pregnancy, not diseases when it comes to high-end prostitutes. So, it’s not an unsafe result. Just a stupid one.
If only Clinton had not made it so difficult for a politician to move large funds around, Spitzer wouldn’t have had to resort to buying Western Union money orders for his prostitutes. I would’ve thought she would be a little bit more kind to her Super Delegates.
But not Hillary Norris. She’s kicking political ass and taking names. Look out Michigan and Florida, she’s on the way to overturn the DNC rules and get your votes.
Chris Cameron writes this political humor column every Thursday. You can also read his own odd and strange brand of humor at his Humor Site Angry Seafood.
Humor-Blogs.com is looking for the nearest Western Union.
Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty frequently updates with articles of satire and parody. Don’t miss a thing by subscribing to email updates or the RSS feed.
2004–2009
14 responses so far ↓
1
Fred
// Mar 13, 2008 at 8:06 pm
>>>>Hillary brought George Dubya and John McCain together again in an uncomfortable reunion and endorsement of the 72-year-old man
I really don’t think Hillary can take credit for that. After all, Barack is ahead in the delegate counts so he is the presumed enemy that drove McCain into the unseemly arms of Dubya.
Nonetheless, interesting post today. Thanks
2
leigh
// Mar 13, 2008 at 11:27 pm
fucking hillary clinton (with apologies to dodgeball).
3
Alex L
// Mar 14, 2008 at 12:54 am
Hilary Clinton puts the laughter in manslaughter…
4
Fiar
// Mar 14, 2008 at 6:20 am
You all better be careful. Hillary will look at you the wrong way and you will explode.
5
Wyatt Earp
// Mar 14, 2008 at 8:14 am
Leigh – Bawahahahahahahaha!!!
Hillary is the new Chuck Norris. She even looks like him.
6
Rickey Henderson
// Mar 14, 2008 at 8:58 am
She’s certainly no saint, but Rickey sure as shit aint got no love for the GOP.
7
Pedro
// Mar 14, 2008 at 11:46 am
Hillary and Bill Clinton have made a significant issue about how the press is treating Hillary unfairly in their hyper-critical reporting on her and their “softball” reporting on Barak Obama. Hillary maintains she has been fully investigated by the media and Barak hasn’t!
As the Tony Rezko trial begins in Chicago, Clinton and her surrogates are linking Obama to Rezko and the media is speculating about whether Obama will be called to testify as a witness in the case. Obama has always admitted he received $85,000 in contributions from Rezko which Obama has now donated to charity rather than keep.
Yet the civil fraud trial of Bill Clinton for defrauduing Hillary’s largest donor in 2000 into giving her campaign more than $1.2 million, pending in Los Angeles courts since 2003, is now preparing for a November, 2008 trial. The discovery that is now proceeding after a February 21 hearing, and the pending trial, have NEVER been announced by the mainstream media.
Hillary was able to extricate herself as a co-defendant in the case in January, 2008 after years of appeals to be protected by the First Amendment from tort claims arising out of federal campaign solicitations she made. Her abuse of the intent of California’s anti-SLAPP law after the California Supreme Court refused to dismiss her from the case in 2004 is emblematic of her contempt for the Rule of Law.
Hillary will be called as a witness in both discovery and the trial according to the trial court Judge who so-advised Hillary’s attorney David Kendall when he dismissed Hillary as a co-defendant in 2007. A subpoena is being prepared this month and will be served personally on Hillary, along with Chelsea, Pa Gov. Ed Rendell, Al Gore and other well known political and media figures.
Yet the media has refused to report about this landmark civil fraud case- brought by Hillary’s biggest 2000 donor to her Senate race, regarding allegations that were corroborated by the Department of Justice in the criminal trial of Hillary’s finance director David Rosen in May, 2005. That indictment and trial was credited as resulting from the civil suit’s allegations by Peter Paul, the Hollywood dot com millionaire Bill Clinton convinced to donate more than $1.2 million (according to the DOJ prosecutors and the FBI) to Hillary’s Senate campaign as part of a post White House business deal with Bill.
The media – except for World Net Daily- has also suspiciously refused to report on Hillary’s last FEC report regarding her 2000 Senate campaign, filed in January 30, 2006. In a secret settlement of an FEC complaint by the plaintiff in Paul v Clinton, Peter Paul, the FEC fined Hillary’s campaign $35,000 for hiding more than $720,000 in donations from Paul, and it required Hillary’s campaign to file a 4th amended FEC report.
In that report Hillary and her campaign again hid Paul’s $1.2 million contribution to her campaign and falsely attributed $250,000 as being donated by Paul’s partner, Spider Man creator Stan Lee, who swore in a video taped deposition he never gave Hillary or her campaign any money.
Lee did testify to trading $100,000 checks with Paul to make it appear he gave $100,000 to Hillary’s campaign (admission of a felony) but none of that has been reported by the “overly critical” media!
Where is the outrage from Obama that the press is engaging in a double standard relating to his possible role in the Rezko trial and his refunding the $85,000 contributed to his campaign by Rezko- which Obama has always admitted taking. The media makes no mention of Hillary’s role as a witness in Bill’s fraud trial for defrauding Hillary’s largest donor- and Hillary’s refusal to refund the $1.2 million she illegally received from Paul, which she has denied taking from Paul ever since the Washington Post asked her about Paul and his felony convictions from the 1970’s before her first Senate election in 2000?
Let the truth be told! so they want proof, here you go. hillcap.org.
8
Chris C
// Mar 14, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I hear yah Rickey, both sides are shady and self-serving. At least the GOP doesn’t promise drive-thru socialism so I like them a little more.
Goverment spending our money wisely is something we thought we would never see, like the fall of the Berlin Wall or the Cubs winning the World Series.
But look at that, money spent well to investigate Spitzer. Have faith Chicago fans!
9
Paula
// Mar 15, 2008 at 1:13 am
Funny stuff Chris! But you know, she DID do all that stuff, and I helped her. Yeah, you didn’t know that did you? I can kick Chuck Norris’ ass too.
10
diesel
// Mar 15, 2008 at 1:14 am
I heard that Hillary invented the Internet. And porn.
11
Fiar
// Mar 15, 2008 at 6:32 am
unsafe sex is with a cheap hooker, sharing needles while she is punching you in the kidney.
So should I stop doing that then?
12
Jeff
// Mar 16, 2008 at 7:04 pm
So if Spitzer only lasts 5 minutes does he have to pay the whole $5,000?
13 Is Barack Obama the New Al Jolson? | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 27, 2008 at 3:57 pm
[...] way Senator Obama has done by uniting the Democrat party along with his good friend, – the white – Sen. Hillary Clinton (D) New [...]
14 Political Satire | Kohler Vs. American Standard | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Sep 2, 2008 at 8:48 pm
[...] would offer official statements, but off the record comments indicated that both McCain and Clinton supported Kohler and would likely prefer their throne in a white to beige [...]
Leave a Comment or the Terrorists Win!
If you're wondering how to get an icon next to your name, go to gravatar.com and sign up for a free account.
Remember, only terrorist sympathizers don't have a gravatar.