Breaking Up is Hard to Do
“Don’t take your love away from me
Don’t you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I’ll be blue
‘Cause breaking up is hard to do… “
~Neil Sedaka
So Rev. Jeremiah Wright has been dumped by Barack Obama and like a scorned lover, the good Reverend is lashing out. Perhaps he just needs some good advice for dealing with this breakup from Dr. Phil. Wait, Doc TV is friends with Oprah and well, um, never mind.
Everyone is jumping off the Wright bandwagon these days but not me. All others are forsaking you but I will not Mr. Wright. I agree with you. We typical white folks are racist bastards. Why just last week I threw a watermelon at an Asian man. He was really annoyed by the stereotypical way I treated him. He called me a honky and I drove off in my hybrid.
Let me tell you, it is hard to drive and throw a watermelon and try to get away from the scene of a hate crime in an automobile that has the acceleration ability of a turtle while still clutching a gun and a bible. Being a racist is not easy. But that is beside the point.
Since no one else will offer help I will toss my hat into the ring Jeremiah with the Seven Steps to Surviving a Break Up which was probably written by some single mom who finally ran out of box wine. No one else wants to get you over this and back on your feet more then me so let’s get started.
Acceptance
You obviously have accepted you are a radical, crazy racist so use what you learned to deal with the fact the breakup happened and a radical liberal friend thought you were too far left. Hey it happens sometimes in life to all of us. Just ask Hitler or Rachel Carson.
Make a Clean Break
Jeremiah you have to stop talking about Obama all the time. No! No! No! And no late night booty calls either. Friends with benefits looks good on paper but one side always ends up falling back in love.
Focus on Yourself & Improve on Yourself
You have your church. You have your $16 million dollar home in your gated community along with your fancy cars. Now that Obama is out of your life get back to what you do best: using rhetoric to make money. You have some great material so far. Now is the time to take your thinking to the next level.
Learn to Forgive
I’m not sure if you read the Bible but there is lots of stuff in there about forgiveness and turning the other racist cheek. And unlike Jesus you are much tougher. When you carry your cross you will put a banner on it that reads: “Made in U.S.K.K.K” because that is how you roll. But toughness doesn’t mean you should not forgive. What would have happened if Sato hadn’t seen the error of his ways in Karate Kid II? Remember what Miyagi said:
“…for those with no forgiveness in their hearts, living is an even worse punishment than death.”
Move On
If you can’t do this there is always the option of jumping in bed with the Clinton campaign. 
Chris Cameron writes this weekly drivel of a column every Thursday here at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and evil humor at his blog Angry Seafood.
Humor-blogs.com is not racist at all and does not discriminate against blogs if they say they are about humor. Even mommie blogs.
2004–2008
9 responses so far ↓
1 Fiar // May 1, 2008 at 11:28 am
If I’m an atheist, why do I cling so tightly to my Bible?
2 Les James // May 1, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Because it’s hollowed out and holds a pint? Oh, was that rhetorical?
3 Fiar // May 1, 2008 at 2:11 pm
I hadn’t even thought to do that. Do you think it could hold a small pistol as well?
4 Les James // May 1, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Yes, but remember that muzzle velocity is everything. So a snub nose 38 and a short barrel 357 will pack about the same punch. I suggest you get a very large Bible so you can play Rev. Dirty Harry.
Another use would be, fill it with a brick. Then you can sneak up on hippies. They’d never see that kind of beating coming.
Oooh, and one more thing. Apparently when you carry a Bible, you can say nasty things about other people and then when they disagree, you can brand them as hate mongers. Sort of brings us back on topic.
5 David // May 1, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Silly boy, everyone knows you throw persimmons at Asians and save the watermelons for…well, you should know if you are really a racist.
6 Les James // May 1, 2008 at 5:16 pm
More fodder,
It seems that Northwestern University was going to give Rev. Wright an honorary degree, but have changed their minds.
Picked up this little tidbit from Bloomburg: “In light of the controversy around Dr. Wright and to ensure the celebratory character of commencement not be affected, the university has withdrawn its invitation to Dr. Wright.” This from a Northwestern spokesperson.
I guess Rev Wright was still OK with them until just recently. So if I read this correctly, it’s the controversy surrounding him that’s the problem, not the good reverend himself. Sure glad that’s cleared up. Here I was being lead to believe he was the issue. Leave it our institutes of higher learning to show us the truth.
And of course, they’re looking out for our children by not subjecting them to any undue awkwardness at their commencement. Kudos to forward thinking folks at Northwestern.
7 Chris C. // May 1, 2008 at 7:38 pm
There is an old saying about publicity: “just make sure you spell my name right”
Or in this case Wright. waka waka
8 Alex L // May 2, 2008 at 12:38 am
‘Oooh, and one more thing. Apparently when you carry a Bible, you can say nasty things about other people and then when they disagree, you can brand them as hate mongers. Sort of brings us back on topic.’
Well unless their carrying the Koran, then everythings fine.
9 Mongo Frecht // May 2, 2008 at 9:38 am
Baruch Osama does not believe what Rubberend Jerry Meyer Wright says. But his fatty can polish handler wants you to believe such things because it helps achieve their fatima mission.
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