Political Humor |

Rod Blagojevich approached the podium and cleared his throat as the reporters readied their notebooks and audio recorders.

“Thank you all for coming here today. Recently there have been some serious allegations made against me and I would like to assure the wonderful people of Illinois, America, and my relatives in Europe that these claims are false.

I was left for dead five years ago and nursed back to health by a beautiful woman who would later have a very short movie career.

Anyways, I came back and avenged the death of my wife and found out my son was alive. That is why the FBI is investigating me. Any questions?”

Reporter One: “Isn’t that the plot of the Steven Seagal movie Hard To Kill?”

“Yes, it in fact it is. I use it as my cover story in case of trouble. Here is the actual explanation. I was part of a covert anti-crime unit. There were four of us: the muscle afraid to fly, the crazy guy, the leader who had a thing for planning, and me as the good looks of the unit. We took down some major crime syndicates and made a lot more towns safe. No one else could help them.

Of course we had to operate outside of the law so naturally you can see why the FBI mistakenly thought I was guilty of any wrongdoing. Next question.”

Reporter Two: “Isn’t that the premise for the television show The A-Team?”

“Fine, if you really must know the whole truth and this is pretty classified stuff, before I became governor, I was a marine biologist. This spaceship from the future came back to the past. They needed one of our whales to stop the planet from being destroyed by an alien life form hundreds of years from now. Their captain paused in the middle of sentences for no reason. There was a pointy-eared man who had no emotions.”

Reporter Three: “Come on. That is the plot of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home and the character you describe is actually a woman who falls in love with Kirk then goes back to the future with the Enterprise. What’s next, the Matrix is real?”

“Look if you aren’t going to take me seriously then this press conference is over.”

With that said Blagojevich left the room.

Chris Cameron writes this political humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own humor blog Angry Seafood.