If you’re anything like me, then every year, you wonder what you should be for Halloween. It’s always such a brutal decision. Vampire/Pirate. Vampire/Pirate.
Well, I finally solved that problem. It’s a vampirate. Half vampire, half pirate, half idiot in a lame, unoriginal costume. Yes, that’s three halves, but bear with me, or is it bare with me. I don’t know, bur baring with me could be more fun than wearing a costume.
We’ll run around streaking. Whoo! We’re streaking! Everyone’s baring with me. It’s awesome!
One of the best things about being a vampirate is that you get the best of both worlds. You get to rape and pillage, then you get to suck blood, and fly away. It’s like the ultimate superpower. Well, to really be the ultimate superpower, I think mind control, and nuclear capabilities need to be involved, but we can still agree that a vampirate is pretty fucking cool.
Yes, the profanity was necessary. It adds an important emphasis. It’s like the difference between good Bacon® and really good fucking Bacon®. “Wow! That’s some really good fucking Bacon!®” See what I mean?
Actually, I already am a pirate - For real. I know this because boarding a ship, murdering the crew, and taking the entire contents of the ship to sell on the black market is almost exactly like downloading an mp3 file, or making a copy of a DVD. They’re practically the same. Lopping off heads/mp3 torrent. If you don’t see the similarity, you’re a terrorist!
Being a vampire is wicked cool too. Speaking of blood sucking vampires, for some odd reason that reminds me of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). I’m not entirely certain why, but I’ll get back to you as soon as figure it out.
So, anyway. Look for the guy out there with fangs, an eye-patch, a bootleg copy of Pirates of the Carribean, and RIAA stamped on his forehead. That will be me. I’m a vampirate, because it’s not just a costume; it’s a social statement.
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2004–2008
9 responses so far ↓
1
Derek E
// Oct 31, 2007 at 10:54 am
RRRRHHHHHH!!!!!!
Fiar I would consider you the Sir William Drake of our times and the RIAA the Spanish Armada. May you too die of dysentery.
Where is my pirate booty?
2
RT
// Oct 31, 2007 at 6:00 pm
That would suck. HA! SUCK!
Where did I put my garlic?
3
Chris C
// Oct 31, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Uncle Nate! He doesn’t look so good these days.
4
Pope Terry
// Nov 1, 2007 at 1:00 am
Fucking bacon! yes I see its much better. tastier in a piggy sense. Hmm piggy sense.
Sorry to do this here but I tried to go through the normal blogrolling procedure, and I dont have a default mail thing, so I cant really do it properly. I’m going to blogroll you if you want to do the same to me feel free, but if you dont… feel free. Hmmm piggy sense.
5
Rashy
// Nov 1, 2007 at 3:45 am
“Speaking of blood sucking vampires, for some odd reason that reminds me of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA).”
BAZZIING!
Sorry, but I am completely against vampires. Don’t mind me hanging garlic around here
6
Rickey Henderson
// Nov 1, 2007 at 11:01 am
What about Blackula? No one wants to be Blackula anymore damnit…
7
Skul
// Nov 1, 2007 at 2:14 pm
FIAR, is that YOU??
8
JACC
// Nov 1, 2007 at 8:13 pm
Brilliant!
I went as a dead rockstar/pirate. I figure if a rockstar was going to retire to the beyond he’d want to captain a ghost ship.
Also it’s double the shtick.
9
Fiar
// Nov 5, 2007 at 11:20 am
Derek That’s very gracious of you. May you be plagued with scurvy and rickets.
RT Since I am half pirate, garlic - and other foul odors for that matter - have no effect on me.
Chris No, he doesn’t.
Pope Terry You can email me through the Contact page. I’ll definitely add you as soon as I can. Thanks for the link.
Rashy See my comment to RT regarding garlic.
Rickey I think some might take offense if I went in blackface. It is a shame that Blackula has waned in popularity.
Skul It’s me alright. Now give me all your loot.
JACC Also a great idea, but not as good as mine.
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