In his secret Chicago headquarters -a renovated Speakeasy from the Al Capone days- President Elect Barack Hussein Obama, is meeting with his trusted adviser, Rahm Emanuel.
Obama: Rahm, what’s that folder in your hand? You look like you want to talk to me about something.
Emanuel: Yes sir, I’m afraid we’re going to have to look at some of your campaign promises again.
Obama: What are you talking about? You know I only said that stuff to get elected.
Emanuel: Yes, sir. I’m very aware; I was a politician after all.
Obama: Huh… we really pulled a fast one on those gullible idiots, didn’t we?
Emanuel: We sure did. But anyway, can we get back to those campaign promises?
Obama: Sure. What’s up?
Emanuel: It seems that some of those people actually thought you were serious about creating all those jobs.
Obama: And you think that I need to look like I care so it doesn’t affect my pre-inauguration poll numbers? The season of giving, hope and change and all that other crap? Sure why not? Toss ‘em a bone.
Emanuel: Fantastic! One with absolutely no meat on it. Brilliant. That’s what I love about working for you sir; you always know just the right thing to do.
Obama: It’s a gift but speaking of jobs, do you think we can find Michelle anything to do? She’s really bugging me. That woman can be a major pain in the ass.
Emanuel: I’m sure we can find something but you want to be careful. Remember what happened to Bill when Hillary latched on to health care.
Obama: Good point. Speaking of Hillary, she’s making me nervous, being all sweet and everything. I think we’re putting her in a position that’s a little too close for my comfort.
Emanuel: Keep your friends close but your enemies…
Obama: You’re missing it. I mean she’s too close in the Presidential Line Of Succession.
Emanuel: She’s number four. There are three others before her.
Obama: Yeah, that’s what I mean. There’s only three…
Emanuel: I’ll keep an eye on her for you. Now sir, I had a major New York marketing firm look at this jobs issue and they came up with a few ideas. This folder was just delivered by courier so I haven’t had a chance to look it over yet.
Obama: Great, just spread those out here on my desk and let’s take a look. I’m sure those Madison Avenue boys came up with something we can use…
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Les James delivers here every Monday, like a pissed-off Postal worker during the Holidays. Neither rain nor snow or stupid comments can stop him from stuffing this junk mail in your slot. The rest of the time, you can find him hanging-out with his unsavory minions at political satire & humor at Sideshow Mirrors.
2004–2010
10 responses so far ↓
1
Angie
// Dec 22, 2008 at 3:09 pm
He needs to start cruising the rest stops here in Michigan, create some jobs. At the rate we’re going, we’re going to be “evicted” from the US in no time at all. That should make our Canadian governor Granwhore happy – then she can annex us on to Ontario….
But then…. we’d get universal healthcare! Now why didn’t the lefties think of that one, instead of electing Hope And Change? Maybe they don’t do enough abortions. Do they let them have their guns in Canada? Good grief, my knowledge of Canada is pretty slim, so I better start brushing up on it in preparation of the day Jenny signs us over.
2
JumpOut
// Dec 22, 2008 at 4:29 pm
That’s a great idea, Angie. We can just get rid of all that drain on the economy, crime, and bad college football while simultaneously kicking Canada in the balls! Brilliant!
3
Angie
// Dec 22, 2008 at 5:00 pm
I wouldn’t have a problem per se being Canadian – my family emigrated there from Germany after The War and the “homestead” is still there, but….
I *LIKE* being an American.
I’m “only” 3rd generation and my family didn’t spill blood on this land during the Revolution, but IMO the legacy the Founding Fathers left was meant for people like me: Those willing to defend what they created, sacrificed for, what following generations fought and sacrificed for, and my “adopted” country is still MINE.
In the meantime, I scratch my head wondering how, exactly, a Canadian looney (unaffectionately) referred to as “GRANWHORE” beat out a homegrown dude like Dick DeVos….. Until I poke around and find rumors of Kwame (you know, Detroit’s famous ex-mayor?) “buying” Detroit votes for her. More Dem “honesty” and “transparency”? Is that why Bammy chose Granwhore as an advisor on financial “stuff,” because she’s quite effectively run Michigan 6 feet under and now we’re just waiting to pull the dirt in behind us? (and pay more taxes for the privilege)
Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
4
Les James
// Dec 22, 2008 at 8:51 pm
So Obama takes the family on a little vacation to a 9 million dollar seaside rental in Hawaii and gets there by flying all four of them on a privately chartered 767. I’m tightening my belt for the holidays so an unskilled, underprivileged, out of work Illinois Senator can give his poor family a little something this Christmas.
5
JumpOut
// Dec 22, 2008 at 9:04 pm
I got something that every Washingtonian could use for Christmas, and it would drastically improve the state of the nation. It’s almost exactly like gold, but it has 3 extra protons.
6
Chris C
// Dec 23, 2008 at 1:34 am
I love when they throw around big numbers like 5 million jobs. Makes it sound awesome.
5 million is a lot of people. That is half of the current unemployed which means his goal is to cut the unemployment rate to around 3.5%.
Last time it was that low? 1968, the same year the hippie liberals ruined their chances to keep the White House Democrat.
No wonder why liberals don’t like guns. They keep shooting themselves in the foot.
7
Les James
// Dec 23, 2008 at 9:36 am
The actual number he first threw out was 2 million. Yesterday that got raised to 3 million. Since it’s just a big number ( like 870 billion or 1.3 trillion or…) it’s meaningless. So I upped it to 5. Obama’s going to do it anyway what with some form of gift to the auto union, saving 1-3 million jobs right there. Then add his original 2 million and there we are. Simple math turned sideways for political gain.
With all the talk about the need for the next First Lady (there’s a joke in there somewhere) needing to be paid, Obama will take credit for creating one new job. Possible the only job he will actually “create”.
Yeah, you’re right Chris about the guns, except they often miss and shoot innocent civilians in the foot instead. Collateral damage in the name of socialism.
8
Chris C
// Dec 23, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Don’t go and give up hope in Obama by stating that he said 3 million. We all know for him complete employment is not only doable but will happen in the next 8-10 years.
I find your lack of faith disturbing sir. Good day!
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