I spent most of the day huddled under my desk, sobbing, and gently rocking to soothe myself. I spend most days like this, and I’m sure that most of you fellow chicken hawk/yellow elephants can relate. It’s what cowards do. The fierce battle cry, “Bacon!” has steeled my resolve, and just now, I found the courage to slither out from my makeshift den of safety, and sit at the desk instead of under it to make an admission.
We often hear of those who support the troops, but not the war. There are some who believe that it’s not possible, and that these are inconsistent positions. They’re not. It’s entirely possible to value the lives of the troops deeply, and want them back home, safe, instead of fighting a concocted war against a contrived enemy.
Well, I need to admit something. I support the War, but not the troops. I mean, I want them to win, but I don’t care about them as human beings. Why should I? I don’t know them. They’re not me, and that’s the most important thing.
We all know about the benefits of a War for Oil, like 12 cents a gallon gasoline, and cheap vinyl siding. With winter approaching, I need cheap heating oil too. I put my support behind the war effort 100%, as long as I don’t have to fight it. BTW, you’re next Canada. France, you might as well surrender now.
Where was I?
Who cares about the losers whining about “Ooh 3000 people died on 9/11.” So! I wasn’t one of them. It really didn’t affect me any. Work got slow for a little while, but that’s about it. That was FIVE years ago. Move on already. 3000 people I don’t know died. 3000 people I don’t know die all the time.
The “terrorists” got lucky. It’s not going to happen again, but it sure made a good pretext for war, didn’t it? We tell everyone, about “terrorists” threatening our way of life, and the public says, “We gotta go to war!” But it’s really just about Capitalist, imperialism, and oil. Sweet, delicious, fattening oil.
So, I definitely support the war. It’s getting tiresome, though, pretending to care about the troops. They’re people I don’t know too. So what?
I’m pretty selfish. I can’t think of even one time I’ve put the needs of others before myself. I’ve never been one to do selfless things, like take care of my girlfriend and her daughter when she was crippled, and unable to walk after a major knee surgery.
Or buy my girlfriend’s house so she wouldn’t lose her home because she was laid off, and in danger of foreclosure. Or take care of her daughter for a year while she worked all week long in a different state, 8 hours away. I just don’t do those sorts of things that other people do when they feel compassion for their fellow humans.
I guess it’s not all that hard to “support the troops,” though. Buy a yellow magnet made in China, and tell people, “I support the troops.” But, it just gets so tiresome. I think the magnet is ruining the paint job too.
I admit it. I’m a selfish prick, and I don’t care about anyone. We pay those guys over there. Quit crying and do your freaking job. We need oil.
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2004–2008
20 responses so far ↓
1
fmragtops
// Oct 26, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Stupid people! I hate people. The ones I really hate are the ones that are like, “I’m being selfless, serving a cause greater than myself.” Those fuckers really piss me off.
2
Redneck
// Oct 26, 2006 at 9:08 pm
Fitch, I condemn your selfishness!
3
Insolublog
// Oct 26, 2006 at 10:09 pm
Alright FIAR, remove that caustic sarcasm disclaimer, so I can rat you out to Matt Drudge. As soon as his link love appears, you can put it back.
Oh yeah. Remove this comment too. Replace it with:
–cut–
Give thanks to our evil child-eating, gay-hating Christian God. Brother FIAR has shown us the courage to express our lack of courage. Thanks FIAR. There is a trans-fatty war-mongering tear running down my cheek right now.
–cut–
.
4
RT
// Oct 26, 2006 at 11:00 pm
Ha! I have no words. Too funny!
5
jt
// Oct 27, 2006 at 8:51 am
“I admit it. I’m a selfish prick, and I don’t care about anyone.”
But you have an award!
And I agree, you are a …selfish prick, and don’t care about anyone.with and award“
6
FIAR
// Oct 27, 2006 at 12:42 pm
That’s right, JT. I have and award, an you don’t.
7
von
// Oct 27, 2006 at 1:51 pm
Grammar is so overrated.
8
fmragtops
// Oct 27, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Grammar sucks ass, especially when you’re writing.
9
TexasFred
// Oct 27, 2006 at 6:50 pm
BACON…………….
10
Matt Hurley
// Oct 27, 2006 at 6:51 pm
As a Wide Awakes Radio host, I condemn you…for…something…
11
SeanS
// Oct 27, 2006 at 10:31 pm
Just can’t get enough of that sweet sweet crude! Hooray for oil!
12
Wild Bill
// Oct 28, 2006 at 5:57 am
I care so little about what you wrote that I did not even read this selfish post. I like the part where you say, “prick”. Now that is funny I don’t care who you are. Write shorter posts wordmonger!
13 Passionate America » FIAR is a Selfish Prick // Oct 28, 2006 at 6:14 am
[...] And that is really all I have to say about him. How can anyone write something so selfish? [...]
14
jt
// Oct 28, 2006 at 7:22 am
Yeah…well…pppbbbbttt!!!
15
Skul
// Oct 28, 2006 at 10:14 pm
Lubricate the gears of war machines with Bacon grease!!
16
Insolublog
// Oct 28, 2006 at 10:21 pm
While we are at it, lube the Gitmo detainees with bacon grease.
17 Wake up America // Oct 30, 2006 at 1:34 pm
Good News From Iraq Part #6–What Left Media Does…
I think it is a pity that the left media in their desire to push their own agenda, refuses to acknowledge the good work, the brave accomplishments that our great soldiers are achieving in Iraq and in Afghanistan.
Do these people even care about our …..
18 Radioactive Liberty // Nov 1, 2006 at 1:47 pm
John Kerry Supports the War But Not the Troops…
Ever since I admitted that I support the war but not the troops, the hate mail has been rolling in, and people have said things like, “FIAR is a selfish prick,” and “go die.”
……
19 FIAR is a Selfish Prick — Passionate America // Jul 28, 2007 at 6:02 pm
[...] And that is really all I have to say about him. How can anyone write something so selfish? [...]
20
Poopy Drawers
// Dec 17, 2007 at 4:31 pm
By supporting the troops, you support their moral which in turn helps them fight the better fight and winning your war.
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