Over the weekend, I took the Political Compass Test to make sure that my fascist Bona Fides were in order. I can’t run a blog that advances jackbooted thuggery unless I make certain that I’m a qualified jackbooted thug first.
I was shocked, appaled, dismayed, and disappointed by the results. It would seem that I’m not very fascist at all. If you take a look at the analysis page from the quiz, it show where all the great leaders of our time that I’m supposed to admire and emulate are positioned on the graph. They’re all in the upper part of the chart, and here I am down below the midline.
Oh sure, I’m pretty far to the right, but what’s the deal with my position on the authoritarian/libertarian axis? It’s almost as if I look suspiciously on the government holding power over the citizens. Based on the results, one could concievably get the impression that I think individuals do a better job at deciding what’s best for their lives than the government is.
I just don’t get it. I know most people will say that I’m too old to cry, but I just want to sit in a corner and weep. I don’t know where to go from here. I need your advice on how I can possibly continue to advance the fascist agenda when I’m nothing but a sham. I’m a fraudulent fascist. People will look at this and think, “It seems like Fiar would be the sort of person that would refer to the government as a crime syndicate, specializing in extortion.”
What happens when people get the erroneous impression that I hate the Republicans too? What if people wind up with the feeling that I don’t see a difference between the two parties? What if they say, “You can’t be a good jackbooted thug if you don’t follow rules?”
Where do I go from here? Maybe you could take the test and tell me where you think I went wrong. I can’t have people carrying the misconception that that I believe in individual liberty, personal responsibiity, and self reliance. What kind of Cruel, Deranged, Bloodthirsty Despot of the Universe would I be if that happened?
You’ve got questions, Humor-Blogs.com has answers.
2004–2008
14 responses so far ↓
1 Chris C // Oct 15, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Well of course your not a facist, that ideology is on the left side of the political spectrum. Really far over.
2 Chris C // Oct 15, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Just took the test and I am right in the middle lol. Well, one square from dead center in the purple.
On a side note the graph puts facism in the center top when it really should be top-left corner.
3 Derek E // Oct 15, 2007 at 10:00 pm
I must be a lazisct because I stopped taking the test after the third page. Couldn’t of they summed up that test with like four questions?
4 Diesel // Oct 16, 2007 at 12:35 am
I took this a while back, and I think I ended up somewhere near where you are. W. is never going to make me one of his Brownshirts now.
I love Derek E’s “lazscist”, btw.
5 Eileen // Oct 16, 2007 at 2:17 am
Derek,
There is a much much shorter version for those with short attention spans.
Shortest Political Quiz
I almost didn’t get through the long one either.
And it didn’t have a middle choice
Something like
“I don’t even care about that issue”
or
“I don’t know enough to have a view on that issue”.
My score was:
Economic left/right:-3.38
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.15
6 Derek E // Oct 16, 2007 at 9:27 am
@ Diesel - Since you like it, and there is the remote possibility that others could like it, I now take full ownership of the word Lazcist under federal copyright law (all rights reserved), I here by give you the right to use the word once (which you have already done). If you use the word again you will owe me $29.95 plus tax for every use after your first free use. All payments can be made to my Grand Cayman Bank account # 3411212.
@Eileen - I am such a Lazcist, even that test is to long. The best political quiz is the one you do not have to take. Look at old GWB, you think he ever took a test.
7 VE // Oct 16, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Normally I don’t ever take these kind of “categorizing you” tests; what’s fun about that? But I was bored so I took it and what to my surprise; I’m right in between Ghandi and the Dali Lhama. To quote Bill Murray in Caddyshack. “I’ve got that going for me…”
8 Pope Terry // Oct 17, 2007 at 12:54 am
Economic Left/Right: -6.12
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.77
And I always thought I was an anarchist, what with my strong belief that all forms of government suck the fat one… erh I mean are fundamentally flawed.
Lazcist, Lazcist, Lazcist, good luck getting your ninety bucks out of me, Hahahahaha…
9 Derek E // Oct 17, 2007 at 9:52 am
@Pope Terry - My lawyer will be in contact with you, and you and your grubby priest friends can stay away from my son. BOOWHAAAHAAHAHAA
10 JACC // Oct 17, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I declare this test illegal.
11 Pope Terry // Oct 18, 2007 at 2:39 am
@Derek E- I resent the fact you insiuate I’m grubby, my friends maybe but my personal hygiene good sir is impeccable.
12 Derek E // Oct 18, 2007 at 9:32 am
@Pope Terry - I hear “Popes” ride dirty, that is all I am saying. I do like your car and hat though.
13 Jordan W // Dec 24, 2007 at 3:53 am
Sorry Chris C, but a fascist tends to be on the right side of the spectrum. Benito mussolini, the originator of the fascist party, was hardcore ANTI-communist(which would be on the way left). The typical fascist is pro-free market, with minor restrictions. A fascist would fall at the top right corner of the chart. and for the dingleberry who posted this’s information, i took the political compass test for school and fell at 6.5 on the horizontal axisand 8.9 on the vertical axis, so i would be a a neo-fascist by those standards.
14 Fiar // Dec 24, 2007 at 11:08 am
Jordan seems rather proud to be a fascist.
Leave a Comment or the Terrorists Win!