I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners

August 21st, 2006 by Fiar · 37 Comments ·

I hate foreigners. Really, I do. I know it’s not “politically correct” to come out and say something like that, but it really needed to be said anyway. So there. I said it.

I don’t just mean immigration either. It goes without saying that I have no tolerance for people coming to America from other countries, but an even bigger threat to the American way of life – which is the best way of life ever to exist on this planet – Is the seemingly unstoppable continued existence of people from other nations; nations that aren’t America. This just cannot stand.

Do you realize that at any given moment in time, there are literally dozens of people on our planet that are not United States citizens. It may well be more. People do have children, after all, and by this point it’s conceivable that the non-American population of the world may now number in the hundreds. It’s a frightening thought, isn’t it?

Do you realize that all the wars we have fought have been against foreigners? All of them. That’s right. Without foreigners, we wouldn’t have wars. Would the Korean War have happened if there were no Korean people? Would WWII have happened if there were no German, British, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Jewish, or Polish people? It seems rather unlikely to me that it would.

Americans don’t start wars with other Americans because we know that we live in the greatest country on Earth. One thing about being in such a perfect country is that people just don’t disagree on anything enough to go to war over it. It’s never happened and it never will, because America is great like that.

I don’t want anyone to misconstrue what I’m saying here. I stated that I hate foreigners, but I would like to emphasize that it’s a vehement, and visceral hatred. I don’t want to leave you with the impression that I subscribe to some sort of “I hate you, but as long as you stay in your ‘not America’ country, I will respect your right to live” philosophy. I most certainly have zero tolerance for the fact that there are other “not America” countries, and that actual humans are born there and live out their whole entire miserable lives in “not America.”

Sure, there are a few milquetoast, moderate, spineless, America-hating, socialist weenies that seem to think that citizenship of one of those “not America” countries is A-OK. Not me. I think that if you are so insubordinate, and insolent as to be born in a part of the world that isn’t America, you have no right to live. I don’t want you using up valuable natural resources. Those are for patriotic, America-loving Americans that were born in America and live in America, so stop breathing our air already, you not-America unAmericans that aren’t American!

One final note I will leave you with is that I really take offense to the use of polysyllabic words like “xenophobic” and “ethnocentric.” I lack the capacity to comprehend such complex words, and I unequivocally denounce the usage of such intellectually elitist terminology. Just try to keep it simple, and unsophisticated. Monosyllabic vocabulary only please.

It also makes me angry that I get called “xenophobic” and “ethnocentric,” because I don’t know what those big words mean. Plus, whoever heard of a word that starts with the letter “x?” Now you’re just making s**t up.

Category: Caustic Sarcasm Tags: noads

37 responses so far ↓

1 fmragtops // Aug 21, 2006 at 11:34 pm

Damn you, Fitch! You may not have killed me, but you stole all my funny, you funny monger you! Dude, I swear that was my funny…I mean, I had some before you took it all. I swear! Monger.
2 Patrick Joubert // Aug 22, 2006 at 12:07 am

I know you meant that to be funny but it’s the way I think seriously – oh okay when I’ve had a few drinks.
3 rt // Aug 22, 2006 at 12:42 am

Funny!!!!!
4 von // Aug 22, 2006 at 6:19 am

I don’t understand why you tagged it with “caustic sarcasm.”
5 a4g // Aug 22, 2006 at 3:40 pm

You forgot the worst foreigners of all from the worst war we ever fought: Southerners.

Worse than that– southern Southerners.

Great. Now I have to go shower to wash off the stink of “Southern charm”.
6 von // Aug 22, 2006 at 8:09 pm

I got some southern charm for ya, a4g!
7 FIAR // Aug 22, 2006 at 9:23 pm

There was a war aginst Southerners?

When did this happen?
8 fmragtops // Aug 23, 2006 at 7:59 am

I wish I were in the land of cotton
Old times they are not forgotten
Look away, Look away, Look away, Dixie Land.

In Dixie Land, where I was born in,
early on one frosty mornin’,
Look away, look away, look away Dixie Land.

I wish I was in Dixie, Hooray! Hooray!
In Dixie Land I’ll take my stand
to live and die in Dixie.
9 FIAR // Aug 23, 2006 at 9:08 am

I don’t know where this “Dixie Land” is but it should definitely be on our terrorist watch list.
10 Afifah // Aug 23, 2006 at 12:16 pm

Yes, what is this Place of Makers of Paper Cups you speak of? Is this another poor country that is an innocent victim of Bush’s illegal war? And why is a picture of a filthy Jewess now desecrating the holy link to Blogs For The Music With The Pumping Bass That Gives To Me Of The Ache Of The Head? And who is this bacon chewing Fitch who claims he is eternally correct? Surely Allah in his infinite mercy will smite this infidel for his arrogance!

Afifah!
11 fmragtops // Aug 23, 2006 at 12:27 pm

Yeah, those southerners are bastards. Bastards I tell you! Just look at Phil Anselmo, Ronny Van Zant, ZZ Top, and Kirk Windstein. Southern bastards, every one of them!

Did I mention they all kick more ass in fifteen minutes than everybody else in the world ever?
12 Wild Bill // Aug 24, 2006 at 4:37 am

Oh I defiantly condemn you for this post. Matter of fact I will no longer talk about how crappy your blog is on my show. You are an evil little man. Don’t bother calling my show either.

–Talk to you on Saturday night–
13 Acme Anvil Co. / I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners // Aug 24, 2006 at 9:51 pm

[...] FIAR at Radioactive Liberty presents I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners. [...]
14 Radioactive Liberty // Nov 10, 2006 at 1:50 pm

I Will Rule Everything!…

Frank J. has announced his agenda and Fmragtops has taken the gutless coward’s way out and bowed out at the first sign of competition. Now that I am not assured a position in charge of invading other countries to steal their oil – In fact, Fran J…
15 RT - Chief Mongress // May 8, 2007 at 8:22 pm

Someone trying to tell you something?

Yeah. Spam filter needs work. ~FIAR
16 Kathy // Jun 9, 2008 at 5:58 pm

I agree with what you said, except that we did once have a civil war. Our country is great except for all the disgusting foreigners with their weird outfits and odors, broken English (if any at all) and outright stupidity. I say close our borders and let all the others sink or swim. Let’s see how many of their disasters they survive without our handouts.
17 Barack Obama's Comments on Small Town America | Satire | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Oct 12, 2008 at 10:13 am

[...] 19% are not sure whether they hate more: America or foreigners. [...]
18 john wayne // Oct 14, 2008 at 7:50 am

listen f^^ko the thing that is going to destroy the american way of life is not the foreigners its george f^^k head bush!!!!! 9/11 speaks to mind!!!! so before u get on your high horse about how the united states is this and its that just remember YOUR COUNTRY and YOUR GOVERNMENT not only kills innocent civilians but its your own innocent civillians!!!! “osama bin laden and al qaeda” blew up the twin towers yet george w sent the army to iraq!!! to me not only are you a moron 90% of the american population are if you believe that osama is untraceable yet in 5 days they found sadam down a hole 15ft deep. get a grip f^^ko!!! ps george w bush and the american population caused the global credit crunch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so dont annoy me about foreigners. ps the irish built your country
19 msd // Nov 30, 2008 at 3:18 pm

To Mr. John Wayne,
Listen you sick bastard. The Irish didn’t build s#it. They were just like any other ethnicity that arrived after the Mayflower with their hat in hand and America finally embraced them. However, take your a– to Ireland and see if Americans are received and welcomed. In fact, go to dirty, poor a—Italy and see if those jerks will allow you to work in their country. Hell no, they don’t. Yet time after time those grease balls show up in New York expecting opportunity equal to our citizens. I hate foreigners too as a result of living in other countries and seeing that our acceptance is not reciprocated.
20 Ben // Dec 28, 2008 at 7:15 pm

I cant stand foreigners either.It really puts me in a hostile mood to go to an american supermarket and see and hear foreigners in the aisles(broken english or no english) and then to be waited on by one at the checkout(often they have name tags with names you cant even pronounce)ARRGH! I hate it! My brother couldnt stand it either.He finally left the big city.Hes now living in a tiny town of less than 1000 people and says hes happy as a lark.Nothing but locals,and americans! Imagine that! I may follow him.
21 Yelena (who married John because she loves him, and did not wanted to live in America because she didn't wanted to study in a country with such poor educational system/ health system. She had to sacrifice it all, live here anyway, and deal with people lik // Jan 7, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Let me “remind you” of your own history:
“…The wars, which ranged from the seventeenth-century (King Philip’s War, King William’s War, and Queen Anne’s War at the opening of the eighteenth century) to the Wounded Knee massacre and “closing” of the American frontier in 1890, generally resulted in the opening of Native American lands to further colonization, the conquest of Native Americans and their assimilation, or forced relocation to Indian reservations…”
You live on a land that was NEVER truly yours in the first place. Your ancestors come from countries you hate, and colonized this country you call America. That means you hate WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Also,”… AMERICA was named after Amerigo Vespucci, a 15th century Florentine merchant who owned a business in Seville, Spain, furnishing supplies for ships, preparing them for mercantile expeditions… Ringmann, acting as editor, wrote in his introduction:”There is a fourth quarter of the world which Amerigo Vespucci has discovered and which for this reason we can call ‘America’ or the land of Americo.”
AMERICA is not even an American name (read contemporary “american-english”) or however “truly american” you want to imagine it to be ?!?!
*Foreigners that made this world a better place for YOU to live in:
-Mother Theresa (born in my country)
-Alexander The Great (born in my country)
-Mahatama Gandhi
-Nelson Mandela
-Dalai Lama
-yours truly Martin Luther King
-yours truly Abraham Lincoln
-Kofi Annan
-Florence Nightingale
- Leonardo da Vinci
,and many foreigners or THE WORLD people.
You are a sad, pathetic man, who I doubt is or wants to be a part of this WORLD or make it a whole, and someone who needs more than a couple history lessons. There will always be bad and good people all around the world, and you are no exception.
As William Thomas once said:
“Anyone who thinks they’re important is usually just a pompous moron who can’t deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential…”
22 Les James // Jan 7, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Land belongs to whomever can hold it, for as long as they hold it. THAT is true history. Even in YOUR country. Freedom of speech gives you the right to spew, but only because a lot of people sacrificed for that right. And I’m not talking about politicians. There’s your history lesson.

By your standards, you don’t have a country either, as that land belonged to someone else, even if it was in the distant past. Go home you dirty foreigner!

Now let me guess just what part of satire, parody and humor you don’t understand. Hmmm… tough one. Oh I got it, ALL if it. Now run off and write your sad commentary elsewhere.
23 Les James // Jan 7, 2010 at 7:15 pm

Who’s next?
24 Chris C // Jan 7, 2010 at 10:28 pm

I’ve never seen anyone write sentences in the name field before.

“You are a sad, pathetic man, who I doubt is or wants to be a part of this WORLD or make it a whole…”

An impossible goal to achieve. Humans’ tribal nature goes against your ideal. It will only be whole in a physical sense, not in a humanity sense.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive or willing to ignore tens of thousands of years of human history, that subject that we are supposedly lacking in.

We see the REAL big picture not some fantasy ideal of a potential Utopia.
25 Patricia Lemmer // Mar 11, 2010 at 3:05 pm

I am leaving this comment so the “terrorists don’t win”lol- on the real- i am just wanted to add that I hate spihkks, and nihgz, so much, that if i go to a store and one is running the register i change lines (who knows where those hands have been!!!!) or if i go to a fast food drive through i will drive off if the person at the window is one of these (who knows what their envious white person hating azzes have done to my food?) White race is Superior. Why? I would like to propose that it is not because of our skin color, nor because of our religion, nor our economical standing, but I believe it is because we genuinely are nicer, smarter, and over all a better production than the inferior models. Why? not by accident, but by desire. We chose to care about others, lend a hand, and think with our intelligence. While the inferior breeds of human still think at an animal level. So if you give them a hand- they will take your arse- and shove thier stick into it– so who really is the stupid one? them or us– for time and time agian giving them the chance to bone us?
26 Patricia Lemmer // Mar 11, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Forgot to mention– it is so nice to say racial remarks to spigs and nihgs– how? well, i do so by
1. if a call 411 and the darki/sambo cant give me the number i want i tell them “you need education n****”and then hang up
2. if one is working as bank teller at a bank and will not cash my check because she says she cannot find my account i say to the manager in front of employee “get more of these, im sure they will improve your business- as for me, i am going else ware – good day”
3. if a darkie gives me attitude at the local mart- i simply go to the region supervisor and let them know– 99% of the time they tell me that the darkies usually have prior complaints and will be dealt with shortly- the next day i will not find them working there

ah, simple steps to improve our lives, and the lives around us -
27 Patricia Lemmer // Mar 11, 2010 at 3:37 pm

Did you all see the CNN news story about “Jihad Jane”? freaking FBI is just now finding this out? lololololololololo i think my 4 year old kid brother has more smarts than that. The downside though, now us middle class white chics will have more difficulty at aiport security-
28 Les James // Mar 11, 2010 at 10:47 pm

One can only hope you actually think you’re doing satire. Let me assure you, it’s NOT, nor is it funny.

I suspect your real reason for such a despicable display of racism is to bait someone here into agreeing with you. The obvious next move would be to reveal your true intent, and attempt to discredit the writers and readers of this fine humor site.

Either way, you’re a sick individual. Writing such a hate-filled diatribe for the purpose stated above is low, even for a extreme left-winger. On the other hand, if you actually believe this crap, you’re mental. Either way, seek the help of a good shrink and get back on your meds.

I’ll leave further chastisement to my esteemed, non-bigoted colleagues and good hearted readers.
29 Chris C // Mar 12, 2010 at 2:17 am

Satire of satire is not a good humor angle.
30 sara miller // Mar 12, 2010 at 11:43 am

haha- sorry guys- i wuz serious- and am- why is it ok to say “I hate foreigners” but not ok to treat them like shit when they are here? after all- we do hate them- and i know secretly you will all run out and take my advice- infact, you probably could give me a few pointers…
31 sara miller // Mar 12, 2010 at 11:45 am

and your scared response to my post just means that you too are scared to state your mind to a certain extent- for fear of retribution by the negros– cant help you on that one–maybe you should visit the shrink to help you get over your phobes.
32 sara miller // Mar 12, 2010 at 12:07 pm

wink*
33 Chris C // Mar 14, 2010 at 1:25 am

Grade school racial satire is also not a good humor angle.
34 John Woodson // Mar 26, 2010 at 3:07 pm

wow and I was just thinking about how much I hate foreigners, thnx man that lightened up my day, for real it did.
35 Jake // May 18, 2010 at 10:06 am

you are honestly the fcking dumbst retard on earth! the civil war was fought against the south and they are americans 1 soo eat shit bitch
36 Grubovic // Jun 30, 2010 at 10:46 am

I’m a Serbian from Serbia and I take offence to this. How could you hate foreigners if your ancestors came from other countries? You are also talking about ethnicity, there is no “American” ethnicity, only citizenship.
37 Grubovic // Jun 30, 2010 at 10:49 am

And just to let you know, it’s called the United States, not America.

Political Humor | I’m Not Xenophobic! I hate Foreigners