Political Humor | Interview with a Hobbit

I’m honored today to bring you this exclusive interview, via phone, with Samwise the Hobbit.

My names not actually -

That’s fantastic! I feel like we’re twins who were separated at birth. So how does it feel Mr. Gamgee?

My name’s not -

Answer the question! The deaths of all those people who died at CTU are on your shoulders. How does that feel?

I don’t think -

Really. Would it have been so difficult to say, “Hey, my access card seems to be missing. Could you deactivate it and give me a new one?”

But I work at a top secret -

All the more reason why you should have had the old card deactivated. When I lose my credit card, I don’t want someone else to use it. Sometimes I’ve just misplaced it, and I still actually even have it, but I report it to the credit card company, and they deactivate it. Then NO ONE can use it. You could have done that with your key card.

It’s not a credit -

I know it’s not. It’s far more important than a credit card, which means it would have been that much more imperative to have it deactivated. If your key card had been deactivated, then Comrade Headshot would never have had the ability to get into CTU. Would he?

It’s not -

Seriously. You must feel like a giant douche. I know I would. None of those people would be dead right now if you weren’t so irresponsible. Bravo. Good job! Way to go, you dick.

THAT’S NOT FA-

Well, that’s all the time we have. Hopefully, if there is any justice in this world, this was just a very eerie interview done from beyond the grave. Rot in Hell, Rudy.