Political Humor | It’s Just a Flesh Wound

First off, I would like to point out that Fmragtops lied when he said that I was “in good health.” Sure. Perfectly good health, if you don’t count the fact that I can no longer count to ten using just my fingers. Oh, plus there’s that pesky gaping hole in my gut, but no worries, it’s just a flesh wound. I’ll be alright.

I’m really irked about the fact that I can’t give people “the finger” anymore. It’s just not the same throwing out the pinky at someone. Plus, unlike some adults, I’m still incapable of actually counting to ten without using my fingers.

Sure, some of you are thinking, I can do basic math in my head. Weh-he-he-hell. Goody 2 shoes for you. Some of us aren’t so intellectually inclined as you “know-it-alls” though. Also, it sucks typing with just a few nubs.

SO! Here’s what really happened.

After he ruthlessly tortured and disfingered me, he impaled me, and hung me up in the air on a pike. As a sidenote, it’s really boring up there. I can’t even check my stats for the day, or browse through my favorite blogs. Boooooooring. I tell you.

Anyhoo, it turns out that the “steel” pike was actually only steel plated - steel plated bamboo. it must have been made in a union shop. So, it couldn’t withstand the weight of my (slightly overweight - ever so slightly) body, and it snapped, allowing me to go free.

I got to the nearest internet connection I could find, and tried to log on to my site. “NOOOOOOOO!” I couldn’t get in. “Now he’s done it,” I thought. He took down my site. “BASTARD!” I can let bygones be bygones when it comes to removing fingers and impaling me on substandard pikes, but this I will not have.

Fortunately for him, it turns out it was the hosting company screwing me around again, and everything is fine now. A few days of bedrest, and I’ll be good as new, except for the missing fingers, but I’m sure I’ll adapt.

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Trackbacked on Mudville Gazette