In a post at The Rott about a Solar Warming Denier™ and adherent to the Church of Climatology™, one of the new Loyal Citizens of the Empire, Ralphie posts a comment explaining carbon offsets.
Here’s an analogy that should help you better understand how carbon offsets will make everything hunky-dory.
Let’s say you have a dog (Rottweiler). Your dog shits on the sidewalk alot.
I live nearby. I also have a dog. (french poodle)
My dog hardly ever shits on the sidewalk.In order to clean up the sidewalks, you buy some of my dogs unused sidewalk-shitting-allowance.
Your dog gets to keep shiting as much as he wants, and I get to pocket some unearned coin.
Nothing changes, but the Kerry voters in our neighborhood are all happy as Rock Hudson on a boy scout because the dog shit problem has been solved.
Round of applause, Ralphie.
2004–2008
20 responses so far ↓
1
Eileen
// Mar 15, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I like this idea.
Since I don’t own a dog, I would love to sell my “dog shit” allowance to someone else.
I would love to sell my “carbon emission” allowance to someone else also. Perhaps I could use my “carbon emission” allowance when I bum rides from people, or to buy bus tickets.
I may decide I like the idea of applying some level of capitalism to natural resources after all. I like the mixed model, of first using the socialist model to divide, and then the capitalism model to re-distribute (instead of the opposite model which we so often use).
2
Ron Coleman
// Mar 15, 2007 at 5:31 pm
I think carbon offsets are an idea that comes from conservatives like us. I think we actually kind of like the idea. They let us burn coal so we can build large, heavy merchandise and, of course, weapons for use against the defenseless.
3
KC
// Mar 15, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Yeah, why are you talking smack about market based incentives?
Plus, he’s describing a cap and trade system, but he forgot about the cap. If the cap goes down year by year, then the system works.
4
Ron Coleman
// Mar 15, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Ayt.
5
Skul
// Mar 15, 2007 at 7:24 pm
I have a Pekinese that only craps in the backyard. Can I but credits so I can crap on your sidewalk?? If I buy credits from myself, can I crap on my own sidewalk??
I poop on your cap. No crap caps for oil.
6
RT - Chief Mongress
// Mar 15, 2007 at 8:32 pm
It is nothing more than putting Bactine on a large, gaping, sucking chest wound.
Gee…I will feel much better about myself if I purchase a $100 worth of trees to offset my use of a private jet.
Fucknozzles! Yeah. I said it!
7
Skul
// Mar 15, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Yikes!!! RT!!! (I’ll have to remember that one)
8
RT - Chief Mongress
// Mar 15, 2007 at 9:05 pm
Fucknozzle is soley owned by FM/Fiar…I stole it.
9
Skul
// Mar 15, 2007 at 11:03 pm
OK, I’ll crap on YOUR sidewalk. So there.
10
FIAR
// Mar 16, 2007 at 1:09 am
I have three dogs and they crap a lot, but I’m not paying anyone a dime.
11
FIAR
// Mar 16, 2007 at 1:12 am
KC, how about this market based incentive: You pick up the dogcrap from my dogs yourself, and I’ll pay you minimum wage? Otherwise, I’m keeping my money.
12
Eileen
// Mar 16, 2007 at 1:37 am
We could burn the dog crap for energy, or use it to fertilize the trees.
I planted a bunch of trees also, and they are dying. I wonder if it is due to a lack of carbon dioxide because I don’t own a motor vehicle?
Maybe I don’t breath out enough.
13
Skul
// Mar 16, 2007 at 1:42 am
Oooo, idea! The Chief-Mongess is always taking crap off everybody. If we can get KC to pay us to pick our crap, she can then peddle it to RT.
We collect a 10% finders fee and the Chief-Mongess gets all the crapsh i cant finish this
14
Ron Coleman
// Mar 16, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Now we are reminded why economics is called the dismal science.
15
RT - Chief Mongress
// Mar 16, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Keep your crap to yourself, crap-monger©!!!!
I don’t take anyone’s crap. Why would I want crap, let alone pay for it?
Gee, it’s not like I am really close to 5000 hits and people are supporting me or anything. It is not like…nevermind. What’s the point. Crap.
16
KC
// Mar 19, 2007 at 12:39 am
FIAR, I don’t recall volunteering to pick up your dog crap. Let me know if there was a miscommunication.
However, minimum wage would be more than the negative income I currently make…
17
Eileen
// Mar 20, 2007 at 4:58 pm
I am still trying to find someone to pay me to take the bus instead of driving.
It doesn’t matter that I am already taking the bus to work. I want to sell someone my share of carbon-dioxide emissions, so they can feel better about driving their vehicle.
18
fmragtops
// Mar 20, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Hoe. Lee. Crap.
Cap? How does the system work with a cap? Now, Poodle guy can’t afford to feed his dog, and Rotty guy has shit all over his house because his dog is no longer allowed outside. Both dog owners had to shoot their dogs because of your stupid cap. Now, you’ve caused the senseless death of two animals all for the sake of dog shit. And you call yourself a hippy. How do you look at yourself in the mirror, dog-murderer?
19
RT - Chief Mongress
// Mar 20, 2007 at 7:58 pm
That is just laugh out loud funny! Awesome!
20
richj
// Mar 20, 2007 at 8:28 pm
I am thinking of other things you could sell offsets for. Such as: obscenities, hateful insults, farts, jokes about Mohammed, sex with camels (oops, same thing), bad breath, public urination, speeding, impaling dirty hippies, reciting lines from Monty Python, eating your vegetables, flashing your genitals to the paparazzi, drinking tequila,….
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