French Doesn’t Necessarily = Hippies
My esteemed colleague, Les James, wrote that French = Hippies. I must challenge his previous assertion. For those of you that may not know, I am from Louisiana. As most of you know, everybody from Louisiana is French. We’re a different kind of French. We’re not that hippie, terrorist appeasing, surrendering French; we’re the good cooking, hard drinking, hippie punching French. To explain, I’ll provide a brief history of the Louisiana French people.
First, there are the Cajuns. The word “Cajuns” is a bastardization of the word “Acadian.” The Acadians left Nova Scotia when the English took it over. Most of them settled in Louisiana. Many people think we were kicked out of Nova Scotia, but that is incorrect.
We were sitting up there being all Canadian, eh. We left France to get away from all those god-damned effeminate hippies in Europe. It was cold, but at least we didn’t have to play soccer anymore. Then, those pussies in France let the English have Nova Scotia. We changed our name from Acadians to Cajuns because we didn’t want any baggage from Europe. They decided to call us all criminals because when we left, they couldn’t get any good food. Some English hippie-type tried to stop us from leaving, but he got punched.
Then there are the French people that immigrated directly from France. The names are different, but the story is the same. We got tired of all that soccer, and man-kissing those homos were doing. Our women liked to shave and not stink. Because our men wouldn’t kiss other men, and our women were clean shaven and had a pleasing aroma, we were considered outcasts. We wanted to go to Nova Scotia, but we heard there were Canadians there. So we moved to Louisiana with our Cajun cousins.
So both groups of French are now in Louisiana. We realized there was all kinds of good stuff to cook around here. There’s frog legs and crawfish and speckled trout and deer and blue crabs (you can keep those crappy dungeoness and king crabs, blue crabs is where it’s at). We also came to the realization that mirepoix and making roux with butter was gay, so we developed the Holy Trinity and cooking roux with other types of fat. We also realized that France French was for losers and changed the language to suit us. As far as I know there is no word in Cajun French for “I surrender”. We also realized that wine and cognac sucks and beer and bourbon are better.
As you can see, French doesn’t necessarily = hippie. There are many French people in Louisiana who are far from hippie. Now, I can’t speak for those weirdos in New Orleans. I think those are the French people that couldn’t hack it in the swamp but couldn’t afford to go back to France. I avoid that place whenever possible. So, Les, in the words of my ancestors: “Your mother is a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!”
You can find JumpOut crafting fine law enforcement humor at You Should Be Tasered
Find more satire at the Carnival of Satire #109
Category: Humor Tags: Cajun History, Humor, Humour, Louisiana, noads
2004–2012
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Nice try bubba. If you think that by saying I’m your esteemed colleague, you can play the injured party in this you’re wrong. You started the whole problem with your snide comments to me. You sir, had to come in here and throw your considerable weight around -if your avatar is any indication. I believe an apology is in order. Not just to me but to all of the fine readers here who you have subjected to the your muckraking and instigation.
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Go boil your bottoms you sons of silly persons! I laugh at you and all your knees-bent running around, advancing behavior! No apology from me!
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Monty Python? This is your idea of funny? So very very sad. I almost feel sorry for you. Lets see if you can cross out my comments here. I will bet you cant block the truth here can you? I do have blog but I had to close it off to all but invited guest because of all of the gay bashing, bigoted, hate-filled, war loving, racist comments I was receiving from people just like those who read this trash. I am here to show you that you cannot escape that easily.Looks like someone else can see what you are like too. What kind of hate filled rhetoric did you use on them?
I tracked you down to find out you are a xenophobe on top of everything else. It is a sickness you have, you know. Get help.
I live a very sad, pathetic life. Some say I need help, but I am far beyond help.
Love always,
SteveGeorgeLike or Dislike:
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Your mother didn’t give you much love and attention, did she Steve? Go be butthurt elsewhere.
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George, you’re so cute with all your huffing. You’d swear I was a doctor that just hit your knee with a mallet.
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It looks like he CAN edit your comments here too, George.
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George, why do you say we’re xenophobic? Because we called a regular, and really funny reader a “dirty foreigner” during the FLAME WAR PARODY. Parody, look it up.
Dumbass.
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I’ll tell you why without resorting to name calling. Your non-funny writer obviously hates, HATES the French. A fine people with a long history of good intentions and global stewardship. That is why.Go ahead and keep up the childish censorship, it only makes me stronger.
[It ain't the censorship, it's the lack of bathing that makes you stronger, George. How can you sit here and cry about censorship when you don't even have your blog open to the public? Hypocrite. ~ JO]
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Xenophobe? Bitch, I ain’t skeered of no dirty stinking foreigner!
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Sooo….you’re French Canadian????
See, my peeps are from British Columbia. The only snow they traffic is on the mountains. Well, they are all dead, now, but if they were alive, they’d kick Frenchie butt.
What does George/Steve/Wussie have against Xena Warrior Princess, anyway?
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Danged hippies apparently have made it so I can only come here when I’m hidden.
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JO- Looks like you’re just out to piss everyone off.
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Anyone seen Snigs? I can’t see her. She’s hidden.
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The name is Steve. Not George or anything else your twisted, little global warming denying brain can come-up with. I happen t0 have a Masters degree in psychology from Stanford. So yes, that does make me smarter than you.I have looked at the facts and that is the reason I’m a Democrat and you are a power hungry, small person who enjoys hurting other people.
If you think I’ll just go away, you are very much mistaken. Get use to me. I’m going to make it a habit to haunt you and your kind.
[There you go tripping the anti-hippie filter again, George. Global warming is stupid, and the fact that you believe there is such a thing makes me smarter than you. A ham sandwich could get a masters in psychology from any school it wanted if it were persistent enough because psychology isn't real science. Your degree doesn't make you smart, it makes you a pointy-headed elitist. You're still a pussy for not having your blog open to the public. George, I am so glad you are going to be sticking around for a while. You will provide tons of material. ~ JO]
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I hate having to use an anonymous web browser to access this site, but it will not load otherwise.
My feewings are hurted forever more. Sniffle.
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Steve are you secretly Super Liberal?
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Chris – This guy is certainly super liberal but not in the almost lovable way Monty is. This dude is a total crackpot. I’m enjoying him getting to JO though. About time someone did. I’m just sorry it couldn’t be someone with more sense.
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I see your lips moving…. but all I hear is….
Blah blah blah blah TINFOIL HAT, blah blah KOOL-AID, and blah blah blah, SO GET OVER IT! YOUR CANDIDATE LOST, YOU BUNCH OF SORE LOSERS! Blah blah blah blah RACIST, CALLING HIM A MUSLIM, blah blah blah blah AND USING HIS MIDDLE NAME “HUSSEIN.” Blah blah blah blah blah blah? HE POSTED HIS OFFICIAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE ONLINE, SO HE *IS* AN AMERICAN CITIZEN. Blah blah blah blah THE FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN PRESIDENT. THEN, RALPH NADER CALLED HIM UNCLE TOM! Blah blah blah SPREAD THE WEALTH AROUND blah blah, and blah blah $250,000 blah blah, BECAUSE BARACK OBAMA WILL TAKE CARE OF US. Blah blah blah blah GET IN THEIR FACES AND ARGUE WITH THEM ONLY BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL BIGOTS, blah blah blah SPREADING YOUR HATRED blah blah blah. Blah blah MCSAME AND THAT JOKE SARAH PALIN, blah blah blah STUPID, JOE THE PLUMBER. Blah blah, HE IS NOT INVOLVED IN DIRTY POLITICS, blah blah blah blah or blah blah RACIST! Blah blah blah FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS, blah blah blah blah, ILLEGAL WAR, SHREDDING THE CONSTITUTION, and TORTURING PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING THEM DUE PROCESS. Blah blah blah blah, AND SHRUB NEEDS TO BE TRIED FOR WAR CRIMES! Blah blah DIRTY TACTICS, blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah RACIST, blah blah, SO BARACK OBAMA blah blah blah and blah blah HEAL THE WORLD blah blah, or blah blah blah RACIST blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah blah PROOF THAT I AM SMARTER THAN YOU! Blah.
FURTHERMORE, blah blah and blah blah blah. NOW, DEMOCRATS CONTROL CONGRESS, blah blah blah blah blah SOCIAL PROGRAMS. Blah blah LINCOLN AND FDR. Blah blah blah BARACK OBAMA blah blah. RETHUGLICONS blah blah blah blah blah STOLEN ELECTION. Blah blah DEBT, AND BUSH SQUANDERED THE SURPLUS CLINTON LEFT.
FINALLY, blah blah blah GLOBAL WARMING blah blah CARBON DIOXIDE, blah blah SUVS blah blah blah blah OVERPOPULATION AND DISEASE. Blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, and blah blah PLAGUE AND PESTILENCE IN YOUR OWN UNDERPANTS, SO blah blah blah blah. I’M RIGHT AND YOU’RE WRONG.
You’ve got all the talking points down, but for an individual claiming to have earned a “Masters” degree, you’re not particularly…. cognizant…. of language and writing skills, grammar and syntax, or even punctuation, are you? MONEY WELL SPENT on that superior education, the one that makes you so much smarter than the rest of us reading the trash posted here.
It’s FASCINATING that you “closed” your blog because of people like us – since I had to do the same, for a similar reason: DUMMYCRAPS coming to spew their arrogance and assholery all over my site.
* * * * *
Do I lose points for gay bashing if one of my best girlfriends is (in self-described terms) “a flaming homo in the market for a neon sign advertising ‘FAG’ in flashing letters”? (He’s NEVER boring!)
What about points for bigotry and/or racism if my family (one that, oddly, gets along a bit TOO well sometimes) is white, black, brown, and even red… (I completed the rainbow the year I turned green – really and truly, I did)???
My score is in serious trouble with an attitude of “live and let live,” costing me major points since I’m not ACTIVELY warmongering. Far worse, I traded my Blazer to a dude for a Bonneville and not making my fair contribution to greenhouse gases. (Whatever happened to the hole in the ozone layer? They took my damn inhaler since it was an aerosol and replaced it with something far less effective and needs to be used 3 times as much – MORE MONEY FOR BIG PHARMA! – but I never hear about that hole anymore, just CO2.) Then again, I eat beef, so the livestock I consume will easily make up the difference with the methane they produce. I get back in trouble, though, self-recycling just about everything I’ve ever owned instead of throwing it out for Waste Management to collect.
I have a feeling I’m screwed, and I’ll never get my name in the running for that gold plaque to be given to the biggest, boldest, most wasteful Republican of the Year….
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O Angie, I’m so sorry. I can feel your pain. I can see from your rant that you’re repressed and bitter. This is something that could be treated. It was a good thing to let out all that anger, it will kill you. Psychosis is not something to be ashamed of but its a condition that should be dealt with, if this is an issue you currently are afflicted with. Either way all that anger needs to be discussed with a qualified professional. You’d feel better and begin to see the world in its true colors the way I do. I’ve conquered my demons. Please seek help so you can do the same. You will thank me.If you don’t learn when to stop running your mouth, George, YOU are the one that’s going to need help, as in emergency medical rescue. And I don’t think I will be “feeling your pain” either, although my knuckles may be bruised a bit.
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Standford….bleh.
So what. You know how to take tests and suck up to professors that don’t want your original thoughts and opinions.
I thought my psychology classes were the easiest ones. So easy, I thought that was the major for folks who didn’t want to work hard and just wanted to memorize (yeah, you learn those memorization tricks in Psych 101) a lot of useless crap asserted by people with their own issues and hang-ups….ala Freud.
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Well George you should know mental disorders since liberalism is one.
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If you don’t learn when to stop running your mouth, George, YOU are the one that’s going to need help, as in emergency medical rescue. And I don’t think I will be “feeling your pain” either, although my knuckles may be bruised a bit.
Have mercy! A girl could get the vapors from all that testosterone!
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Now the Real Person comes out. By real I mean the thug in the police uniform. Threatening bodily harm now are we BIG BLUE MAN? Is this how you get your kicks? I have a lot of respect for those who keep the peace but you are a very bad man, hiding behind “humor”. Hate is eating you up inside. I’m winning because you cannot stand to leave my comments alone. I’m right about you and it is very painful. Isn’t it?[Wow, that stupid filter is something else. Anyhoo, project much? You're the one that can't stay away from two blogs that contain all those mean things that huwt you wittle feewings. As far as me threatening you with bodily harm, I would have hoped your masters degree would have helped you to figure out that one wasn't mine. Quick, master Goerge, what's the difference in this one and that one? ~ JO]
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JO never said he was going to put on his uniform and threaten bodily harm, you put the two together. Very weak argument.
If that is the best you can do son take your ball and go home now before you end up looking silly. Don’t bring that weak-ass game to this court.
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I have some words for Steve, but I need a little bit of time to gather them around and wrap them in a pretty little package with a bow on top – so as not to offend his “sensibilities.” (Besides the fact that this is not my site, so it would be extremely rude to sprinkle sentence enhancers throughout like I do on my own.)
I’ll be back.
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Guys (and Snigs, if you’re interested, as you’re TO-DIE-FOR cool… “vapors”? OMG I about peed my pants.): I have a problem. My rant is worthy of its own blog post (getting to work on that now, in fact), but my “words” to Steve fill, like, 3 single-spaced pages of a Word document! GASP. (It’s some pretty intense stuff.)
I will not be so rude (I could, but I won’t) as to commandeer the post like that. So…. I guess…. if you wanna see it, let me know and I’ll “give you a key” (still private and in hiding, getting a face lift, bandages due to come off).
You know where to find me, eh?
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See…Georgie doesn’t understand that what we say is for our own amusement in “seeing” Georgie steam. However, Georgie doesn’t have a sense of humor. Typical intellectual that isn’t really smart and sharp.