Nothing is more emasculating to a man than the presence of a little girl. It’s probably one of the primary reasons for my seething hatred of children.
Men are men - valiant and courageous - but witness one with a little girl and you will see a milquetoast fairy, enslaved by his nefarious nymphet. It’s only rational to draw the conclusion that little girls are masters of some terrible black art of hypnotism or witchery.
Imagine a bold, daring man. Visualize his swagger, broad shoulders, and bulging biceps. He is a manly man. He eats Bacon® with a side of Bacon® and washes it down in one gulp of his favorite brew. He guffaws, “Haw haw! Behold, I am Mighty!
“Little girls are wicked and deceptive.”
Clearly this man is a force to be reckoned with. Yet, how do you explain how this potent powerhouse of testosterone is reduced to a weak-kneed wuss in the hands of a helpless, defenseless little girl? How do you explain that such a model of masculinity is feebly sitting by as the malevolent tiny female paints him with garish makeup and feminine accessories?
I can only explain it rationally through the belief that little girls are wicked and deceptive. It’s obvious that the facade of helplessness is nothing more than trickery. These demonic she-devils are dangerous. Do not be fooled into thinking otherwise.
Think again of this strong and powerful man. He walks tall, with his head high. He proclaims proudly, “I am Testiclees! Fear my wrecking balls of wrath!” What vile voodoo is behind his enthusiastically coordinating Bratz Doll
I’m talking about Real Men, whom if you suggested needed a pedicure would reply with, “A cure for what? Scienticians, to the lab to cure this horrible disease!” Yet, at the whims of dainty damsels, they are flaccid, limp shadows of their glorious selves, sipping pretend tea in a tiny chair.
When a real man - a model of machismo - goes to the pool, he brings a towel worthy of his masculinity. It will be emblazoned with the logo of a beer brand, a rock band, or a skull and crossbones. It may even have a slogan that says, “This towel was dyed with the blood of impaled hippies.” A man’s towel will always reflect his supreme authority.
So why is it that I was stuck with using the Tinkerbell towel that I brought for her to use?
Oh, the indignity!
We must unite, and do whatever it takes to purge this scourge from the Earth, with the help of Humor-Blogs.com.
If you wish to join me in my righteous crusade against the denizens of she-demons, Subscribe to Radioactive Liberty.
2004–2008
17 responses so far ↓
1 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 9, 2007 at 8:21 am
Good one!
Real men would use the Tinkerbell towel.
I never had that wonderful, evil power as a little girl. The youngin’ has skills.
2 Fiar // Aug 9, 2007 at 10:16 am
Yes, she does, RT
3 richj // Aug 9, 2007 at 11:57 am
They all claim not to have the evil power just like RT. But us men know otherwise. They practice it in as little girls, but master it as women. It’s like krytonite to Superman.
4 richj // Aug 9, 2007 at 11:58 am
Man, my spelling and typing skill suck today. I blame the women-folk.
5 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 9, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Really, I don’t have it.
6 richj // Aug 9, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Ok, RT. I’m sorry. I’m wrong.
Dammit! See what I mean? Even from thousands of miles away, RT can use her powers of female persuasion on an unwitting fool such as myself.
I…must…find…way…to…resist.
7 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 9, 2007 at 4:37 pm
If I had the power, I’d use it. Really.
8 Diesel // Aug 9, 2007 at 9:03 pm
That’s why I only buy my 5 year old towels with guns and beer logos on them.
9 matt // Aug 10, 2007 at 12:57 am
I will be wary of the little girlies. Just in case I’ll continuously flex my muscles to stave off flaccidity.
10 Wild Bill // Aug 10, 2007 at 2:52 am
That is what ultrasounds are for. If you don’t see a tinky, it goes down the sin…no I’m not gonna say it.
Good one FIAR!
11 Friday Blog Linking - The Weeks Best Must Read Posts #7 — Passionate America // Aug 10, 2007 at 3:38 pm
[...] Humor → BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Do Not Underestimate the Malevolent Power of Little Girls [...]
12 Fiar // Aug 10, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Matt Flexing is a good strategy, but never underestimate wicked power of a juvenile witch. Just be careful.
DieselGood idea, but sleep with one eye open, just in case.
Wild Bill That may be the only foolproof strategy.
RT stop denying it, Dick is right.
13 RT - Chief Mongress // Aug 10, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Well, damn. I must be wasting my power.
14 Redneck // Aug 13, 2007 at 9:31 am
It may even have a slogan that says, “This towel was dyed with the blood of impaled hippies.”
I would so buy this towel…
15 Fiar // Aug 13, 2007 at 10:09 am
RT, Yes.You are.
Redneck, I’ll have to get into production on that one then.
16 The Star Wars Movies Are Crap! // Sep 10, 2007 at 10:17 am
[...] Do Not Underestimate the Malevolent Power of Little Girls Tax the [...]
17 BO(AFA)SOLDIER // Jan 22, 2008 at 1:07 am
i agree 100% don’t under estimate the powers of a little girl
Leave a Comment or the Terrorists Win!