I promised this a few weeks back, now it’s here! The Top 10 List of reasons of why I’m looking forward to Man Made Global Warming with great optimistic enthusiasm.   I had to put it on hold for a while because my head just wasn’t in the right place for this subject.

But now it is and so I was able to write this piece with a perspective I’ve never thought possible. With my new vision, I started to think, ‘why fight it?’  There’s no real difference between the Democrat and Republican platforms on this issue anyway . So it must truly be happening. Right? They wouldn’t lie to me.  Would they? And since it’s going to happen, why not try to make the best of it? That’s just my nature.

Looking out of my bedroom window -it’s on the 15th floor just under the penthouse where Fiar lives in the Radioactive Liberty building, located in our nation’s capitol- I can see that we’ve had hippies, politicians from both parties, news crews from CNN, NPR and MSNBC and of course, Whole Earth Foods employees,  lined up since 4 AM, hoping to be the first to get a glimpse. Boy, are they going to be disappointed.

Let me explain how this epiphany occurred.  About a week ago I went to the doctor’s for an painless, non-surgical, out-patient procedure.  I had my common sense and spine taken out.  I guess they’re sort of like your appendix or tonsils, you don’t need them.  Apparently it’s something you can do on your own, but I felt better having a professional do it. I understand the most public schools and institutes of higher education have made instruction in their removal part of their curriculum.

Since that time, I’m finding it much easier to accept the truth. I’ve also discovered that being spineless makes it possible for me to position myself for a proper view of this issue. I’m now flexible enough to shove my head up my ass.

Well enough about me. Without further delay and in the best tradition of that great American thinker, David Letterman, here’s my bright-side, bottom-up Top 10 List.

10. I like soft serve ice cream. Soon, freezers ain’t going to be working very well and even if there are, all you’ll have to do is stand outside for a few minutes.

9. I really enjoy wearing shorts and short-sleeved shirts. Let’s face it, having to put on a heavy jacket, gloves and boots to shovel snow, sucks.

8. For all the little kiddies, here’s a great new excuse. Global warming ate my homework. Teachers have been telling them that global warming is going to destroy the planet, so it’s only reasonable to assume that something as flimsy as homework doesn’t stand a chance.

7. Think about all the new, rich farmland that’ll be available in places like Siberia and Iceland. World hunger is soon going to be a thing of the past.

6. The Northwest Passage will finally be open to beaver hunters. Daniel Boone caps are going to be the next runway craze in Paris and Milan.

5. Global warming is actually good for the environment. Yeah, that’s right. We’ll be burning far less coal or oil to heat our houses in the winter. Plus, with the northern latitudes open for farming, the rain forest can be allowed to grow back.

4. You won’t have to listen every season, to overpaid, under-talented Hollywood types complaining about their multi-million dollar Malibu homes sliding into the ocean. They’ll be underwater.

3. For those that’ll still have some extra cash, there’ll be great investment opportunities:

• Starbucks’ stock will skyrocket since -what with all of those greenhouse gasses in the air- it’s going to rain a lot. Large tracts of land near water will gain a Seattle-like climate.
• The Southwest deserts won’t support any life at all, so it’s going to be a great place for solar power. How could the my new eco-terrorist friends object?   Get in on this one early.
• Think umbrellas and parasols. SPF 1000 and goulashes are good options also.

2. The average family won’t have to worry anymore about where they’re going to spend vacations or if they can get reservations. It’s always going to be at home -since carbon taxes and Cap and Trade policies are going to eat-up their disposable income- making their lives much less stressful.

And the Number One reason that I’m looking forward to Global Warming is:

I like scary books and movies. Global warming is scary. It’s even better than Stephen King, ‘cause it’s real.

* Visit Les James at his Military Humor site, Sideshow Mirrors. You can read his works of political humor every Tuesday here at Conservative Political Humor|Radioactive Liberty.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Conservative Humor, Global Warming Humor, Political Humor