Man vs. Man Purse Flame War Parody #52

January 25th, 2009 by Fiar · 41 Comments ·

For any newcomers, the flame war parody is a weekly feature of this political humor blog, during which we argue over nonsensical topics with a fervent passion. To date, I have not yet figured out how that is different from the heated political discussions during the rest of the week.

This week, we delve into the topic of the feminization of men. No spell check, I did not mean “desalinization” or “fraternization.”

Which is more of an affront to masculinity: The man purse, or the man carrying one?

Discuss.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Flame War Parody, Humour, Man Purse, Political Humor

41 responses so far ↓

1 Les James // Jan 25, 2009 at 1:25 pm

The man purse is a only a symptom. Getting rid of them is like plowing over the fields of some dirt poor poppy farmer in Afghanistan, who’s just trying to survive. That’s anti-capitalism and therefore, un-American.

The disease is the metro-sexual, fag carrying the damn thing. If you take care of the problem, the symptoms clear up all by them selves.

Mop the streets of these XY gene pool pollutants and the farmers will plant corn for bio-diesel.
2 Chris C // Jan 25, 2009 at 1:36 pm

I say France is a bigger affront and the source of the disease TDS, or Testosterone Deficiency Syndrome.

Once we nuke France the disease will die as it has no host.
3 JumpOut // Jan 25, 2009 at 1:48 pm

As much as I hate to, I agree with Les. If there were no market, there would be no man purse.

Chris, stop being such a tool. The disease has spread far beyond the borders of france, and has shown an ability to sustain itself outside of those borders. While nuking france would be incredibly satisfying, it would not solve the problem.
4 Skul // Jan 25, 2009 at 1:50 pm

Man purse is just a whiney name for a briefcase.
It’s those dang man bras and manpons that bother me.
Now you can find “Mandol” in stores for headaches. Supposedly, it cures the headache, but, you get a nose-bleed every twenty-eight days.
Les, you twit! It’s XXy. Jeez!!1!
5 Les James // Jan 25, 2009 at 2:05 pm

JO- Hey, thanks man. I’m extending my hand with the hope we could get back on common ground and fight the ravages of moonbatism together. What do you say?

Oh, and shut-up, Skul.
6 Fiar // Jan 25, 2009 at 4:06 pm

Don’t do it JumpOut! He’s extending his hand to throw a man purse around your neck!
7 Skul // Jan 25, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Oh ya!! Les. Watcha gonna do…hit me with yer purse??1?
8 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 5:19 pm

A more burning question in my mind is whether Jump’s and Les’ man purses match their shoes?
9 Angie // Jan 25, 2009 at 5:35 pm

I agree with Snigs. Do they match?

Do they go well with your stiletto heels, JO?

I also have to agree with Les – it’s only a symptom of the bigger problem. Eradicate the disease, since treating symptomatically does little to solve the underlying problem.

I speak from experience on this one (suffering MS).
10 JumpOut // Jan 25, 2009 at 5:59 pm

Oh, hold the f^^k up! You know they don’t make make man purses that match jackboots.
11 Augusto // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:07 pm

Oh wow. With the economy the way it is, I’m looking for new financial opportunities and, if there are no man-bags to match jackboots, I’m going to the drawing board to creat some. I’ll be a bazillionaire in french euros before you know it.

WooHoo
12 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Your sense of style, let someone show you it Jump.

Any basic black leather purse would go fine with your jackboots. I mean really, a man in your position should know this.

I bet you’ve been carrying one of those fugly sequined types, haven’t you?
13 Angie // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:41 pm

LOL

Hey, JO, you were the one threatening to poke a heel in my eye. You brought it up, not I.
;P
14 Chris C // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:47 pm

Don’t make me hit you with my man bag Les and JO.
15 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:57 pm

Woah! Man purses are a whole different thing from Man BAGS.

If you’re swinging your Man BAGS around, well…

Never mind me, I’ll just be sitting over here in the corner with a video camera.
16 Les James // Jan 25, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Chris- There you go bragging again. Zip up your pants and don’t embarrass yourself by showing us your “man bag”.

Snig- Thanks, Now I’ve got this mental picture of JO in Jackboot, carrying his purse and wearing black, leather hot pants. Break out the matching leather jacket and cop hat and he’s ready for the French Quarter. Don’t forget your nightstick, big boy.

Damn, and I said I was trying to be nice.
17 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:01 pm

Snig- Thanks, Now I’ve got this mental picture of JO in Jackboot, carrying his purse and wearing black, leather hot pants.

Les…you mean…Jump was correct about you?
18 Les James // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:10 pm

I guess accord to you, both of us aren’t very manly. Is this because you hate men? Is there something we should know?
19 AuntieMaude // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Well, I never! What a bunch of young hoodlums. You young folks have bigger fish to fry than worrying about man purses. Of all the silly things.

Homosexuality is a sin! They’re all going to burn in HELL! And you all will too for how ugly you’re talking to one another. Les James and JumpOut, you both need a nice trip out behind the wood shed. Back in my day, if two young men were caught discussing their sexuality, someone would have beat some sense into their worthless hides.

Angie and Snigs, really! There was a time when proper young ladies didn’t discuss such nonsense, let alone in mixed company.

All of you should be ashamed of yourselves. I’m going to tell the girls about you at Circle Wednesday night. Hopefully we can pray enough to save your souls from eternal damnation.
20 Skul // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:37 pm

“Hopefully we can pray enough to save your souls from eternal damnation.”

Don’t do it AuntieM. Let ‘em burn.
21 Angie // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:44 pm

I can only speak for myself when I say that *I* do not hate men – even if they’re not particularly “manly” (my husband has dishpan hands and often rambles about the virtues of various types of laundry soap and fabric softener). Stilettos, purses, and jackboots (and even threats of being beaten with a rubber hose to shut me up when I get lippy) aside, men are, after all, the greatest toys God gave women to play with. However, I do think you open yourselves up too easily as targets. Perhaps THAT is what is so fun….

When you’re done with that video, Snigs, you gonna post it on YouTube? I’d love to see it – I need all the comic relief I can get! I can’t wait to see Chris whup on Les and JO with his man bag.

Man-bag. *double-snort* I can’t even type now, laughing so hard over that one. I nearly snorfled Mountain Dew up my nose, and that s#1t hurts.

AND: I probably DON’T want to know, but what is a manpon? I know what a man-bra is, but….
22 Steve // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:45 pm

Now is this not rich? Once again you God fearing conservatives show the ugly head of hate toward the gay community. This must be the largest gathering of bigots since services at Rich Warrens church this morning. I have been watching and a number of you have missed me. So you direct your hate at each other. No wonder you lost so easily.
23 RT // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:48 pm

I just want to know where you’d all stick those manpons Skul mentioned.

I wonder if guys who carry man purses wear earthshoes.

Oh, and the man with the purse is more of an affront.
24 Angie // Jan 25, 2009 at 7:51 pm

Who said I was a lady? Or proper? Or YOUNG?

Surely, anyone who says these things about me is spreading malicious invective, disparaging my character, libeling the image I have long cultivated as anything BUT.

It breaks my heart.
25 AuntieMaude // Jan 25, 2009 at 8:03 pm

If you’re younger than 78, then you’re a young lady in my eyes and don’t go getting smart with my young lady. Now if you are a young man named Angie, then either your parents were fools or they were some of those flaming homosexuals I read about in one of those magazines at the Piggly Wiggly. Only fools or flaming homosexuals would name their son Angie.

Skul, what kind of name is Skul? Did you run out of L’s on your keyboard? No matter, the only man who ever told Auntie Maude what to do died in the Big War. God rest his soul, my daddy was a good man.

Steve, are you one of those flaming homosexuals too? If you don’t start fearing God, you will be flaming!

You young people just tie knots in my knickers with your distasteful language. Forget waiting for Circle Wednesday night, I’m calling the girls now.
26 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 8:08 pm

I guess accord to you, both of us aren’t very manly. Is this because you hate men? Is there something we should know?

No, I don’t hate men. I love men…at least certain things about them. You were the one picturing Jump in hot pants hon, not me. I get a totally different mental image when I picture him.
[Angelic grin]
27 Skul // Jan 25, 2009 at 8:36 pm

“I wonder if guys who carry man purses wear earthshoes.”

And color coordinated assless chaps.

AuntieM is right. I should have said… Please don’t do it.

Where does anybody buy manbags fer petes sake….BalMart?
28 Angie // Jan 25, 2009 at 8:47 pm

OK, I love Auntie Maude now, too. Why for no link to a website upon which I may troll, Auntie? I need MORE!

Yes, I am a woman, no flaming homosexual or foolish parents with a cruel disposition toward naming children abominably (like the dinks who named their kids Adolph Hitler, Aryan Nation, and Heinrich Himmler – for real and true, they did), but having female genitalia does not propel one automatically into the realm of being a “lady.” While I am, indeed, chronologically 36 (perhaps 35, I forget), physiologically I am far older…. yet younger at heart. It is hardwired into my DNA to be mouthy, and I am unable to change that fact (nor would I want to, to be perfectly honest).

As for Steve…. Well, Steve is just a moron. I would put an iggy on him, but there doesn’t seem to be a button for that here like there is in Yahoo Games. He is not worth responding to in any way, shape ,or form, as I have already addressed my feelings for him and what he represents elsewhere. Steve and his ilk is like a spot of cow s#1t embedded into your work pants – you know it is NEVER going to come out but eventually be covered with bigger and deeper s#1t stains, until those pants find their way into the woodstove as kindling. In the end, it’s all good.
29 RT // Jan 25, 2009 at 8:49 pm

Now, Skul. How could a place called BalMart sell man purses if men with no balls are using the man purses?
30 Snigs // Jan 25, 2009 at 11:47 pm

Now, Skul. How could a place called BalMart sell man purses if men with no balls are using the man purses?

Might depend on the material used in making the man purses? Might explain the mystery of what happens to the balls of men who appear not to have any.

Auntie Maude scares me. More scary is I know what a Piggly Wiggly is. I’ve seen her type before though. She’s the type that will run her damned scooter up on your foot where you’ll stop and listen to her.
31 Skul // Jan 26, 2009 at 7:10 pm

Now, now, RT. Please refer to Snigs astute observation.

Might depend on the material used in making the man purses? Might explain the mystery of what happens to the balls of men who appear not to have any.

As for Snigs hasty remark about AuntieM….

She’s the type that will run her damned scooter up on your foot where you’ll stop and listen to her.

The scooter is mearly a retention device. The real kicker is the “tractor beam”…most folks call them canes.
32 Auntie Maude // Jan 26, 2009 at 7:29 pm

What a fine kick in the pants. I spent most of my day making apple pies for the prizes for BINGO tonight, go to BINGO, the come here and find a couple of you youngsters making fun of the malady of growing older.

Skul, I still want to know what happened to your other L. Are you part of one of those hoodlum gangs that wear skulls on their jackets and smoke cigarettes out behind the school? You probably listen to that rock and roll stuff too.

Good thing you’re not my youngin young man. I’d have you spelling better and straighten that smarty pants mouth of yours out in a heartbeat. You need a good old-fashioned hide tanning. In my day, young men knew better than to sass their elders, lest they find that “tractor beam” as you put it, being repeatedly applied to the side of their heads.

I’m crankier than normal tonight. I only won one game of BINGO and even though it was the blackout round, the prize was a sack of cat litter, a box of bird feed, and a can of Sterno.

My cat is outside, where it eats the birds and poops in the wood chip pile out near the tool shed. I’ve got a case of Sterno in the basement, so that is useless too. Ethel Cunningham won two rounds of one line BINGO and got a $20 gift certificate to Michael’s, a coupon for a free cup of coffee at McDonalds and one of my pies! She’s just an old biddy, doesn’t know how to sew and probably sits around sipping tea all day. I hope the pie gives her indigestion.

What a waste.
33 Chris C // Jan 26, 2009 at 10:17 pm

I love you Auntie! You should have your own blog.

And umm now that the arguing is over, a man bag IS a man purse you perverted f^^kers hehe.
34 Snigs // Jan 26, 2009 at 10:48 pm

Well, being from the deep south where things such as man purses are frowned upon, I can say the only “man bags” I’ve ever seen were definitely not purses.
35 Alex L. // Jan 26, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Man purse… thats your scrotum isnt it?
36 AuntieMaude // Jan 26, 2009 at 11:42 pm

That boy’s a real slick one, isn’t he?
37 Angie // Jan 27, 2009 at 12:33 am

Seriously, I thought a man bag was your scrote.

We talk funny around here anyhow, youse guys just have NO idea how hard it is to go somewheres like Wisconsin, and say “Can I get a pop?” and 4 asstards line up ready to “pop” you in the nose.

“No, no, I want a Mountain Dew. You know? A POP?”

“You f^^kin’ idiot, it’s called SODA.”

So here I sit, drinking my pop, thinking Chris is talking about his nuts…. Go figure.
38 JumpOut // Jan 27, 2009 at 4:22 am

Pop? Soda? Youse guys? Is that some kinda foreign language?
39 Angie // Jan 27, 2009 at 4:48 am

Yup. It’s the language of the Michigander.

I don’t say “youse guys.” In fact, I feel like gouging the eyes out of whoever says it – with a spork – rolling them around in peanut butter then shoving them back in the sockets from whence they came.

We really do say pop, though, instead of soda. A lot of people laugh at us for it, but oh well. Soda just sounds so…. well…. queer.
40 JumpOut // Jan 27, 2009 at 7:35 pm

Soda and pop both sound queer. The proper terminology for that is a coke. No matter if it’s sprite, Dr. Pepper, Faygo, Mountain Dew it’s a freakin’ coke.
41 Snigs // Jan 27, 2009 at 11:12 pm

If you’re dyslexic, Faygo sounds queer too. GayFo…see, very queer sounding.

For the record, Jump is totally right. It’s all Coke, unless you’re being proper. Then, it’s Co-cola.

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