Create your own financial independence!
How would you like to quit your job, be self-employed, and work from home on your own schedule?
Well, now you can. All you have to do is monetize your blog. Studies indicate that 1% to 2% of readers click an additional link during the course of their visit - Usually by accident. Why not turn these erroneous clicks into cash? You pour your heart into your blog, and it’s time to get something in return.
You already live in a Fairy Tale world where people actually want to read your insipid collection of cat photos, links to posts that everyone has already read, YouTube videos, and monotonous details about your dull, trite life. Now is the time to plunge full force into your retarded fantasy that your blog blight on the internet can earn you money.
The only thing that prevents your pitiful blog from being an unqualified embarrassment is the absence of ads. Why not wreck your abomination of a template with obtrusive ads?
Live the American Dream and indulge your pathetic delusion of adequacy at the same time. In a few months, you’ll have earned yourself a cool nickel.
Monetize your blog right now. Once your site is an absolute calamity of advertisements, all that is left is to just sit back and finally come to the realization that your entire life is an abject failure. You’ll never make any money either.
Please visit our sponsors. And give me back that nickel. It’s mine, you thief.
Related: 12 Simple Rules Guaranteed to Improve Your Blogging
10 Proven Ways to Drive Traffic to Your Blog
The Lazy Man’s Guide to Making a Million
2004–2008
11 responses so far ↓
1 RT - Chief Mongress // Jun 29, 2007 at 10:34 am
*sniffle sniffle* My life is worthless? It’s trite? *sniffle sniffle*
2 Joe Simmons // Jun 29, 2007 at 4:26 pm
LOL!!!
Funny stuff, man. And when I say “LOL”, do NOT take that lightly. That means I really DID laugh out loud. And when I say “ROTFL”, I really do get down on the floor and start rolling around when I laugh.
I only said “LMAO” once. Now I can’t even sit down.
P.S. Oh, and that thing about my life being a complete abject failure? I already knew that.
3 FIAR // Jun 29, 2007 at 11:25 pm
Thanks, Joe.
4 Wild Bill // Jun 30, 2007 at 11:49 am
Damn you mean the last check I got wasn’t real and the one being deposited on July 5th is a figment of my unimaginative? Well doodoo crap. That is just poowy!
I would click on that spam breakfast burrito ad if it was real. Well no nickel for you.
5 pia // Jul 1, 2007 at 6:36 pm
Wow that reads just like every blog I want to do hand to hand combat with.
Like duh if there was any justice in the world my blog would be rolling in money.
I’m told I invented an entire blogging genre. Only problem is nobody seems to know what genre
6 Skul // Jul 2, 2007 at 2:36 am
Pia, that was the GORICAL (piss be upon him), that invented blogging. He basks in the warmth of carbon credits. Genre? Well, it’s BS Genre-lly.
7 Bloggrrl // Jul 2, 2007 at 10:53 am
That’s hilarious, but I don’t know that I like you dissing my cat photo.
8 Bad Apple // Jul 5, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Wait — so how am I supposed to be Maximizing my Monitizing? Can’t you be a little more clear about the steps involved? Your plan doesn’t seem to add up to the kind of early resort retirement I had in mind.
9 Radioactive Liberty - Useless. Worthless. Pointless. » 12 Simple Rules Guaranteed to Improve Your Blogging // Jul 9, 2007 at 11:40 pm
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10 FIAR // Jul 11, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Bad Apple, that just means your retirement plans didn’t include being destitute. I think you should revise your plans.
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