Like the supergroup Chicago once sang, what kind of man would I be if I did not offer some of my predictions for 2008? Unlike the lead singer, I won’t play Russian roulette with my insight into what I think will go down in the next twelve months.
Of course everyone wants to know who I think will be the two finalists for the beauty pageant known as the Presidential campaign. In due time my friends, in due time.
~ Next year, instead of the ball dropping in New York, it will be Dick Clark.
Give the man credit for being a trooper but enough is enough already. The guy talks like he’s trying to yell above the music at a party. I know it was the 100th year they did this, and I am pretty sure Clark has only missed the first few, but it is time to let go.
What happens when Dick finally dies? Do they prop him up like a real-life ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’? I guess we will find out.
~ Ron Paul’s fans will unleash their rage on the other candidates.
I used to like the idea of Ron Paul as president, but he is like that girlfriend that turns out to be a little nutty down the road. The first time she tied you to the bed with handcuffs was all fun and games. But it got old once it was every night for a month. Especially when she brought out the ball gag and an official torture rack from the Medieval period.
I am beginning to think his fandom is similar and probably the reason why I got turned off to him: I am sane.
I guess it is time to tell you who I think will be the next President. Wait, I have a few more predictions first.
~ Barack Obama will not win anyway, so let it go.
Have you been to the South? They don’t have segregation anymore… per se. Technically it is more of a volunteer effort. All I am saying is to try and randomly walk into any waffle house in Georgia. Hope you pick the one for your race or it will be like in the movies where the music stops and the record skips as the entire clientèle stares at you.
~ Mike Huckabee’s failure to look people in the eye will be his undoing.
That looking-at-you-but-not-looking-at-you eye of his just freaks me out. How come everyone who has one of these eye conditions is shifty or shady?
I hadn’t noticed the eye thing until recently, but looking back at the cross commercial, it all makes sense. Two hundred years ago this guy would have been selling us snake oil.
Now I will give away my secret prediction for who will succeed Bush in 2008. Hold on, I have one more to talk about before the big final prediction you have been waiting for.
~ Hugo Chavez will continue to do wacky things.
In 2007 our favorite South American dictator reset the time in Venezuela, re-made the flag, lopped three zeros off the currency and re-introduced a 12.5 cent piece. Expect more nuttiness for 2008.
Chris Cameron writes this political humor guest post every Thursday for Radioactive Liberty without any real effort or quality on his part and it shows. You can read more of his oddness and strange humor at his blog Angry Seafood.
Humor-Blogs.com does not have any predictions for 2008. Go there anyways because the blogs are funny.
2004–2008
8 responses so far ↓
1 Fiar // Jan 3, 2008 at 11:15 am
Sooooo…. Who’s going to win?
2 Rhea // Jan 3, 2008 at 5:41 pm
I pondered the whole Dick Clark thing, too, over at my blog. I also collected a bunch of media mentions that were not too kind about his performance on New Year’s Eve.
3 trucker // Jan 3, 2008 at 6:18 pm
http://climateprogress.org/200.....-politics/
“……But how about the election of 2008? Welcome comic relief for a bad year. First we had Hillary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey facing off against Mike Huckabee and Sarah Palin, which was wild enough, but when Al Gore entered the race as an independent at the last minute the sparks really began to fly, didn’t they?
The 3-way cliffhanger wasn’t decided until mid-march - after the UN was forced to take temporary control. Clinton was sworn in on 3/21/2009, surrounded by a platoon of marines (due to numerous assassination threats). In her speech she vowed “strident measures” to deal with global warming, and promised to bring the troops home as soon as possible.
After losing yet another election, Al Gore accidentally overdosed on Xanex and Viagra - he didn’t die; thank the Prophets - but retired from public service once and for all.
Mike Huckabee teamed up with Ron Paul and moved to Vermont, where they later led a secession movement (which failed).
Sarah Palin went back to Alaska, where she continued on as governor for two more terms, resumed her role as soccer mom, and was elected to the local school board.
The two-pronged invasion of Syria and Iran began in the fall of 2009. The limited nuclear exchange between ……”
4 RT // Jan 3, 2008 at 7:59 pm
WOW! That was quite the Chicago reference.
I think Dick needs to retire gracefully. I realize it is important to not let illness get the best of you and to try your best to be productive, but …
5 Chris C // Jan 3, 2008 at 11:19 pm
@Fiar: hehe this post is a perfect example of one of my classic humor writing jokes: tease, tease, tease, leave out information you teased.
@Rhea: I thought those quotes you had were pretty respectful. But the whole thing just shows how powerful an addiction being a celebrity is. Look at what Joan Rivers did to her face.
And they say heroine is a nasty drug. Fame’s much worse.
@RT: I wasn’t sure if people were going to get that.
@trucker: Seriously, that wasn’t even funny. I didn’t even get a chuckle. Ok, well maybe the part about Gore overdosing but then he lived and my emotions shot immediately to utter disappointment.
Can you re-write it so all the politicians overdose and die?
6 Pope Terry // Jan 4, 2008 at 6:44 am
Ok that was not 2008 predictions… oh it was for the year 2008, right. I’m so glad I got to do that joke.
7 dorkelina // Jan 4, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Ah crap, I thought Dick Clark was already dead. D’oh.
8 Fiar // Jan 4, 2008 at 1:25 pm
dorkelina, You aren’t the only one.
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