Since the benevolent administrator is down in the back today, I feel it is my duty to make his readers put up with my dribble.
First, let’s look at today’s headlines:
Yahoo:
- Iraq expects to form government soon
- Iran says it won’t exit nuclear treaty
- Renewed clashes in Gaza leave 12 injured
- Senate advances health care coverage bill
- Utah launches criminal probe of church
- Care for alcohol abuse patients costs $2B
- Sponsor may be first female space tourist
- C-SPAN asks web sites to pull Colbert clip
Google:
Now, these aren’t the complete headlines. Just a small example of the things you’ll find in the news. You know what you won’t find? This:
Today President Bush declares war on Iran, vows to “Acquire every last drop of oil in that pisshole country.”
Why the hell not? Why are we not invading Iran right now to take their oil? No, the current administration is talking about congressional hearings, and investigations, etc. Out politicians can no more control the price of gas as they can control the times the sun rises and sets, as much as they’d like think they can do both.
You may be thinking: “Fm, can’t congress just lower taxes on gasoline, drill in ANWAR, and the Gulf of Mexico, and build new refineries?” Yes, they could, but let’s think about this rationally. The most detestable words to a politician are “lower taxes.” More drilling and refineries are great, but there are two problems. One, is it would take years for that to affect the price of gas, and two, hippies. Hippies won’t let us drill anywhere. See?
No my friends, the only answer is a war for oil. Seriously, it would take no time to invade Venzuela, Iran, and the UAE. Write your representative, write your senator, write your president. Explain to them that we red-blooded Americans are tired of paying fifty plus bucks a pop to fill up our pick-ups and SUVs. Tell them why a war for oil is a war for you!
2004–2008
7 responses so far ↓
1
FIAR
// May 9, 2006 at 5:20 pm
Damn Dirty Hippies. They make me so angry I just want to punch them in the stomach.
2
The Anti-Hippie
// May 9, 2006 at 8:55 pm
Maybe we should send the hippies to Iran… Let them see why we should invade and/or nuke.
3
jt
// May 10, 2006 at 9:09 am
Or better yet, maybe we should send the hippies to Iran and then nuke…
4
annon@aol.com
// May 10, 2006 at 9:31 am
better still! we should nuke iran with hippies! and drink their baby’s blood from their throats!
5
fmragtops
// May 10, 2006 at 11:13 am
No, no, no! No baby blood drinking! That’s digusting and detestable. It’s far more fun to fling the babies at impaling pikes, and seeing who can impale the most babies! But that’s only after we run out of hippies.
6
FIAR
// May 10, 2006 at 2:09 pm
We can run out of Hippies?
Yay! I thought there were too many.
7
fmragtops
// May 10, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Well, when I found the National Professional Hippy Impaling League, and turn hippy impaling into a professional sport, wild hippies will go extinct, and we will only have the domesticated varieties that bred for the sport.
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