Political Humor | Not Dead While Canadian: A Heinous Crime

I’m not done with you yet, Wonder Woman. Do you think you can get away with being a criminal just because you are intelligent, witty, funny, sexy, and sarcastic? I bet you think that we’ll just turn a blind eye and look the other way and forgive you the crime of being not dead while Canadian. (This is a crime in the same subset as “driving while black)

Oh yes, first it will be OK for you to be not dead while Canadian, then we’ll travel down the slippery slope and give a pass to Samantha Burns, just because she is also intelligent, witty, funny, sexy, and sarcastic. We’ll slide further down the slope, hurtling full throttle toward the abyss of our demise. It doesn’t stop there.

There are enough Canadians to have a government. Yep. It’s not all just moose and baby seals in their little not-America country that isn’t America. Do you know what they do there in not-America? National health care. You read that right. Your eyes did not deceive you. Hilary’s wet dream seems to be making that slope look more and more slippery, isn’t it?

Those not dead while Canadian people are so uncertain about everything. They’ll say, “It’s sure a nice day, eh?” Instead of saying, “It’s sure a nice day.” They can’t just make a declarative statement. They need your approval. Hey! Not-American, let me clue you in. It can’t possibly be a nice day with you committing the crime of being not dead while Canadian right in front of my face!

Then the not dead while Canadian perp will say something like, “Oh, hey buddy, I didn’t mean to offend you, eh? How aboat I buy you a beer, eh? We can watch the game, eh?” You just know “the game” is hockey.

It won’t bother the not dead while Canadian one bit that teams from a country called “Dixieland” can assemble better teams than they can ever hope to either. Teams in Florida and North Carolina can kick their sorry approval seeking asses back to their “colourful” not-America homeland faster than they can say “Oat and aboat.” Do they even realize that it’s not “realise,” or do they think it’s humorous to spell it “humourous?”

I tell you, and I seek no approval in doing so, we need to wake up and take notice, before America is overrun by not dead while Canadian sympathizers (not sympathisers). America is shrinking. It used to be “from sea to shining sea,” but “Jesusland” partitioned her middle, and “Dixieland” has usurped her southern half. If we don’t act soon, we will be asking, “It’s sure a nice day, eh?” Instead of stating it as a certainty, or we will be telling the noisy people next door to “keep it down, Y’all.”

I fear for America. Really, I do.

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Wonder Woman, I saw your comment. Do you have a specific request for what I should wear? And how long does it take to crawl from southeastern Pennsylvania to Ontario? I need to know how much vacation time to request.

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Traqckbacked on Samantha Burns, Point Five