Saturday afternoon Obama told us he is going to create 3.5 million new jobs. By midnight it was up to 4.1 million.
Obama: “Folks, I have a new plan. Everyone gets a job. Starting Monday, just go down to your local government agency, doesn’t matter which one and apply for a job. Guess what, you are hired.
I don’t know what you will do, but we will figure something out. Maybe you can replace old lightbulbs with new, mercury-filled ones, or tear down coal plants. This is a new economy and we need new solutions.
Ask not what you can do for your country ask what your country can do for you.”
Is this guy the Messiah or what? Quick someone get him a leper to cure or water to turn into wine.
But wait folks, there’s more!
You know how those charities claim to be able to feed children in third world countries for just the price of a cup of coffee? Well, Our Lord has a similar plan. He’s lopping off $500 of your payroll taxes, giving you approximately $1.37 extra in your paycheck every day. Every day!
I know, I was amazed too when I found out about this new-found wealth. What will I do with that extra nine bucks and change a week? Where will I invest it? How the hell is anyone buying this bulls#1t Obama is feeding us?
For just the price of a cup of java you can feed a child…your own.
Oh yeah, just ignore John Kennedy’s body rolling over in his grave while Obama blows out his eternal flame. It’s better that way.
Chris Cameron writes a weekly column here every Thursday and also has his own humor blog Angry Seafood.
2004–2010
12 responses so far ↓
1
Les James
// Jan 12, 2009 at 10:46 am
How the hell is anyone buying this bulls#1t Obama is feeding us?
With nine dollars and change a week. Although I hear the cost of bulls#1t will be going up sharply, around the 20th of January.
2
JumpOut
// Jan 12, 2009 at 12:46 pm
John F. Kennedy? Never heard of ‘im.
3
Les James
// Jan 12, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Figures.
4
Chris C
// Jan 12, 2009 at 10:13 pm
I have to disagree. I think bulls#1t will be cheaper since the supply of it in our government will be as high as it has ever been.
5
Les James
// Jan 12, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I don’t know Chris. We have stupidity in government in larger amounts than ever before and it seems to be costing us a lot more.
6
Chris C
// Jan 13, 2009 at 1:25 am
No worries. We can just print more money.
7
Fiar
// Jan 13, 2009 at 10:11 am
We can just print more money.
We can do that? Holy crap! We’ll never run out of money then.
8
Snigs
// Jan 13, 2009 at 11:27 pm
“I have to disagree. I think bulls#1t will be cheaper since the supply of it in our government will be as high as it has ever been.”
(Damnit, would someone tell me the coding for getting italics?)
The laws of supply and demand do not apply to bulls#1t. If it looks like the going rate is going to fall, they just start tacking on the Febreze Tax to the price. Even though you’re only paying 99 cents for each load of bulls#1t, you’ll be paying another $12.99 plus S&H for the Febreze.
9
JumpOut
// Jan 14, 2009 at 4:34 am
The code for italics is:
[em]your text here[/em]
except you replace the [ ] with <>
10
Snigs
// Jan 14, 2009 at 8:07 am
The code for italics is:
Thank you JO.
11 Billy Mays, Obama Amazing TV Offer | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Jan 29, 2009 at 10:14 am
[...] Hi, I’m Billy Mays. I’ve promoted a lot of wonderful products in my time but I’ve never seen anything like this. Image owning a piece of history that you’ll be proud to display on you mantle. Think of what you friends will say, when they see that you have your very own bit of Obama. [...]
12 Get Thee Behind Me, Obama // Oct 12, 2009 at 1:37 pm
[...] I did fall, until I landed upon The Beguiler, The Deceiver of Worlds, The Silver-Tongued Serpent, The Man of Many Faces, yet even The [...]
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