Political Humor |

Change You Can Believe In

Barack Obama here for Obama Motors. While I’ve no experience in manufacturing, sales, management, making payroll, or wiping the shit-eating grin off my face, I’m now in charge of two out of three of American’s largest car makers. We’ll get Ford sooner or later.

This change in managerial direction has not been without it detractors. There’ve been a few wise-ass suggestions from the Radical Right for names for the new cars, but I won the election, so I have a mandate from the people to come up with the names all on my own. Just like I did for our dog, BO -who we rescued from the Kennedy Puppy Mill. All of the female dogs were scheduled to sold to Michael Vick. Vick was planning to fight the dogs himself, in a new reality series, called Vick’s Bitches.

Now, I think that sounds like good, wholesome, culturally sensitive entertainment to me, but the ASPCA says it’s torture. What the hell are they talking about? Waterboarding is torture, and speaking of torture…

Let’s not dwell on the past were the Bush/Cheney Team made life on this planet almost unlivable. I’m willing to skip over the fact that the War in Iraq and Guantanamo Bay almost destroyed not only our credibility as a nation but the entire universe. Let’s be clear, I’ve had to apologize for them since they won’t do it for themselves. I’m not going to lay blame on the bad decisions made by the stupid bastards who left me with this big mess.

Still, I’m here today to tell you about my fabulous line-up of electric cars that are coming out… when we can get enough AA batteries. Until that time we have the Chevy Fairweather. It’s an affordable, recycled paper machete vehicle with a large watch spring for power. Just wind it up and go.

We’re also working on a concept car based upon the visionaries of the Stone Age. Remember The Flintstones? The stone wheels are very eco-friendly and we’re thinking of making the trees from used water and soda bottles. This highly affordable car will have a base price of around $500. With state, federal and local taxes, we envision getting this beauty off the floor, out the door, and you living in it, for just under $30,000. Now that’s a bargain.

Financing an issue? Say you have no job, no cash, no ID and credit score lower than my IQ? No problem. We here at Obama Motors own the banks too. I’ve empowered Chris Dodd and Barney Frank to run the auto finance arm of my administration with the same over-sight they gave Freddie and Fanny. And if you can’t afford the payments, don’t worry, we’ll just tax the rich to pay your bills.

Obama Motors. We Hope you’re going to like this Change.

Please take a few minutes from guzzling beer today to remember all the heros we are honoring on this day.