Hi I’m Michael Jordan. Generally I only endorse products that are paying me muy beacoup bucks, but there’s just too much at stake, for me not to add my famous name and considerable influence to this vital and possibly life-saving product. I keep my Air Jordan’s properly inflated at all times to insure maximum performance, but they ain’t sh*t compared to the new Air Obama’s. But don’t let me steal the thunder.
Now, it gives me great honor to present the visionary behind this revolutionary idea, the next President of the United States, Senator Barack Obama.
Thank you Michael for that kind introduction. My fellow citizens of the world, we face a growing threat from price gouging big oil, global climate change and the conservative wing of the Republican Party. America is the greatest country in the world, but with your vote, I can change all that.
Issues are never simple. One thing I’m proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues, but today I will speak at a level you can understand.
I’ve spoken at length about properly inflated tires. There is now a consensus of scientist from around the planet, who will testify under oath and before Congress that by just maintaining the proper pressure in your tires, we will never have to drill for oil again. So those who have scoffed at this idea in the past can line-up and kiss my black ass.
Today I’d like to introduce an idea whose time has come. The Obama Air Tire or as Michael likes to call them, Air Obama’s. I promise that if elected, I will mandate every vehicle in America, and maybe the world, to be retro-fitted with this tire.
We all know that the United States greedily consumes way too much of the world’s resources and we have a duty to cut back. We must learn to spread this undeserved prosperity around.
Cambodia is an emerging country and needs the resources more than we do. With this in mind, Obama Air Tires will be made there. We can help a struggling economy while reducing our own carbon footprint. It’s a beautiful country, with a wonderful history. I admire their past achievements and I’m thinking of taking a holiday in Cambodia, right after Hawaii.
The Obama Air Tire will be made from recycled bicycle tires collected from around Asia. But the innovative aspect of this revolutionary idea will be what holds the air inside and saves us from brutally killing the polar bears and salmon.
The tire will be lined with an inner tube made from recycled latex that will hold proper air pressure forever. This is a giant leap forward in technology and a far superior method of conserving one of the world’s great natural resources.
We will obtain this valuable commodity by setting up collection boxes on all school campuses and require mandatory recycling of all condoms given out by school nurses. Working women will be encouraged to collect and drop-off these green assets at deposit boxes located in the lobbies of their workplaces.
Finally, I will mandate that all government employees breathe into an air-scrubbing device twice a day. It will separate out oxygen from carbon dioxide or C-O-2 as scientists call it. This C-O-2 will be used to inflate the Obama Air Tire, permanently trapping this killing greenhouse gas, thus saying the planet from global warming and the end of the world as we know it.
Everybody can recognize it. They say, ‘Huh. It works. It makes sense.
Now all I need to save the earth is your vote.
I’m Barack Obama and I approve of me…and this satire.
Air Obamas are not affiliated with Obamaco™ and Air Obama Air Tires™, but Humor-Blogs.com is.
2004–2008
12 responses so far ↓
1
Les James
// Aug 11, 2008 at 10:49 am
I’d like to ask that all of Fiar’s friends (that might be a short list) and others, join with me to wish him a speedy recovery from today’s scheduled knife wound to his gut.
2
Skul
// Aug 11, 2008 at 3:49 pm
“require mandatory recycling of all condoms given out by school nurses. Working women will be encouraged to collect and drop-off these green assets at deposit boxes located in the lobbies of their workplaces.”
Aw, crap. The thought of this is so bad I’ll never get any sleep at work now.
3
Les James
// Aug 11, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I just got off the phone with Fiar. With his dying breath he bequeathed to me Radioactive Liberty. Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a leach, I just squat at other people’s sites and take advantage of their hard work. So I’m going to auction it off. Make an offer. I’m not greedy. Anything is more than I have now.
4
Skul
// Aug 12, 2008 at 4:07 pm
OK, Les. Ten percent of the proceeds the ladies get from their deposit boxes. Fair enough?
5
Les James
// Aug 13, 2008 at 9:58 am
Skul- I guess you get it. Now all you’ll have to do it dig-up Fiar. He said he was going to take the passwords to the grave.
6
Skul
// Aug 13, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I’ll dig him up, but, you gotta search his pockets yerself.
7
Sean
// Aug 14, 2008 at 10:48 am
the more ideas the better
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