With the myriad problems that face our nation today, problems like people getting rich, businesses making profits, workers not belonging to unions, and poverty in Africa, we need every American to work towards bettering America. Uncle Barack feels there is a great, untapped resource of citizens with the proper mindset to help this country make great strides towards economic and social justice. Uncle Barack is going to tap middle-school students, and retirees to shape this country in His image.
It’s clear that these two groups of Americans have way too much free time on their hands. We should stop our middle school students playing soccer, playing video games, and trolling blogs. We should stop our retirees playing golf, R.V.ing, and running for president. We need these groups to channel their energies in a much more productive direction. We need them to man the soup kitchens, to speak to underserved groups in the ghetto about how whitey is keeping them down, and to fly to Darfur to hold signs protesting the genocide. What better way for a ten year old to learn geography than by flying them to Somalia to learn about how benevolent warlords care for the people of that country.
We all know that rich white executives from the suburbs do not want their tax dollars to go to inner-city children. Instead we’re going to send their children, and their elderly parents to the inner-city to collect recyclables.
Of course all this service will be completely voluntary. Uncle Barack and his team would oppose any efforts to embarass children who do not agree with with this policy. Nor would he try to silence any critics of these programs in the media. Uncle Barack feels that there is room for all view points in the new, post-racial, post-political, America, and he would never try to force anyone into service, or to punish those who choose not to be a part of providing the American Dream to every American.
So parents, what you need to do is teach your kid ebonics and Spanish. We need to ensure that our children can communicate with the under served communities that we are going to serve. Retirees, sell your R.V.s and golf clubs so you can do your part to make the world a better place for our children to serve.
Read more of JumpOut at his own Law Enforcement Humor and Political Satire Blog, You Should Be Tasered
2004–2009
6 responses so far ↓
1
Darryl
// Nov 19, 2008 at 1:20 pm
Although Barack is a tad young to play the part of the Great Uncle, he has some great ideas here - especially the part about collecting all those recyclables loitering in the inner cities.
I’m sure that a trip to my neighborhood alone could provide enough glass bottles (beer, liquor, V8 Juice, wine) and aluminum cans to feed the manufacturing process for a whole year.
I think teaching ebonics would be useful in the communication arena and more useful than ebonies - by which I assume one would be reading the kids and geezers articles out of Ebony magazine.
2
Les James
// Nov 19, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Question then is -as our beloved Ralph Nader recently implied- is he going to be more Uncle Sam or Uncle Tom? I don’t think I could stomach either.
3
Chris C
// Nov 19, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Do the kids have to wear armbands?
4
Fiar
// Nov 19, 2008 at 10:29 pm
I think the armbands have initials that abbreviate “Super Safety.”
On a side note, my new version of the image is far superior to the original. Just patting myself on the back for that.
5 Answers « Humor and Satire at You Should Be Tasered // Nov 24, 2008 at 2:37 pm
[...] some gunmen showed up to abduct the children and force them to fight in General Juma’s Civilian National Security Force. I whooped their asses, and saved all the children. I’m good like [...]
6 Obama Will Drop The F Bomb | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Dec 29, 2008 at 10:01 am
[...] While details of this historic meeting may never be revealed, the few bits and pieces that have leaked out has sent shock waves of astonishment across party lines. Unique, innovative, and pure genus, are some of the words being used to describe the brainchild of this next Lincoln. [...]
Leave a Comment or the Terrorists Win!
If you're wondering how to get an icon next to your name, go to gravatar.com and sign up for a free account.
Remember, only terrorist sympathizers don't have a gravatar.