Political Humor | Obama’s Foreign Policy Will Make Us Safer

If Barack Obama gets elected to the White House, future national insecurity advisor Richard Danzig would like all of us to know, as Americans we will be as safe as little children tucked into our beds while our mommie or daddy reads us a story.

“Winnie the Pooh seems to me to be a fundamental text on national security.”

After mentioning the classic children’s novel at a conference on national security recently, Danzig went on to read a paragraph of the book detailing how one of the bears falls down the stairs but never seems to want to change. I think the theme there was change. If bears can do it so can we.

But it is also a story about a bear, who because of an addiction to a natural resource ends up sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong resulting in all his friends being dragged into his problems.

Feel safe yet?

Granted the allegory is fitting, but it is still a children’s book for crying out loud. This is our leaders’ way of making us feel secure, by quoting kid’s books about stuffed animals that are alive in someone’s imagination?

However, maybe Richard or Dick if I may be so bold and I will, is onto something here. We have listened to adults long enough and look where that has gotten us. Hell, it seems like everything to do with politics lately are fairy tales of make-believe and magical creatures like global warming boogeymen.

Maybe it is time we paid attention to the wisdom in the books geared for children.

To help convince the naysayers that global warming is not real we should have policy based on Heinrich Hoffmann’s fairy tale ‘Pauline and the Matches’.

See how CO2-induced climate change has created drought conditions and thus threatened our national security? They say animals react to global warming and those cats are clearly trying to tell us all something: sign a new KYOTO before it is too late.

Democratic policy would do well based on ‘Babar’, the story of a cute elephant who moved away from home after witnessing his mother get killed. He later returned, became the ruler after the king died from eating some wacky mushrooms, and married his third cousin.

We should send copies of ‘Everyone Poops’ to the world’s nations to let them know we realize we all poop, and in some countries more then others thanks to funky water. We feel your pain. Here is some extra toilet paper.

That bear that fell down the stairs by the way in the Winnie the Pooh book? Some hunter shot him because he was too clumsy to run away. But he wanted to change and that is all that matters. Like with a children’s book the Democratic foreign policy will be full of ideals and empty of results. But it’s going to make everyone who doesn’t like us like us.

Before you know it we will be singing ‘Cumbayah‘ together, or maybe even in the round, and the terrorists will hand out candy to children and there will be puppies and rainbows.

I can already hear Obama’s Inauguration speech for his second term…

“Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!”

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column of insane political humor every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and weird humor at his own blog Angry Seafood.

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