Pa Primary Voting Coverage
In order to maintain our standing as a powerhouse of political humor, we will be providing continuing coverage of the 2008 Pennsylvania primary. We’ll keep you updated throughout the day on Pennsylvania exit polls, and whether or not the Miley Cyrus bra picture is real or photoshopped.
It’s just the sort of thing that perverts and bitter small town Americans should enjoy on this election day.
Let’s get on with the coverage, shall we?
* Scott Ott of Scrappleface gives us a guide to armed, bible toting voting for bitter Pennsylvanians.
* Harvey at IMAO tells us why Democrats are thrilled to have today’s election be relevant. Also at IMAO, Frank J. muses about today’s voting options.
* Mr. Pink Eyes tells a nice story about being from a small town, and somehow failing to be bitter. It’s not directly related to election coverage, and it’s really just a nice story. But it is in keeping with todays theme of Bitter voters and Miley Cyrus flashing some skin. Not so much on the latter.
* Real Clear Politics has audio of Bill Clinton charging Barack Obama of playing the race card. Not so much funny directly as a brilliant self-parody of politics. Except that it was all in seriousness. Politicians make me laugh.
* If your not from Pennsylvania, you can still vote. Gina Cobb has a poll. You could probably still vote anyway. We are talking about Democrats here.
Update 5:00 PM – Current exit polling data shows Miley Cyrus’s bra capturing 60% of the vote. The bra seems to have full control of what we call the “Bill Clinton” demographic. Barack Obama has 50% of the vote, and Hillary Clinton with 40%.
If you’re thinking, “Wait. Those numbers don’t add up,” remember, we’re dealing with Democrats here. Their numbers never add up.
* Ron Paul is raking in 6% of the Republican vote, which begs the question, is Ron Paul still running for President? Why?
* Obama prepares to spin loss as victory. See, Democrats really are the party of defeat.
Update 9:00 PM – Hillary Clinton is reported to have a 57% to 47 % lead over Barack Obama, and is projected to be the winner of the Pennsylvania Primary.
* I did some scientific exit polling at my local polling place. I asked one voter whom she voted for. She told me she voted for Clinton. I probed deeper, and asked why she voted for Hillary Clinton. “Hillary Clinton?” She replied. “I thought I was voting for that couple on TLC’s What not to Wear.” Looks like somebody has the buyers remorse.
* Sources have alleged instances of voter intimidation. It seems that some xenophobic voters are clinging to their guns and preventing Mexican mushroom farmers from voting. Carrying signs that say, “Si, se puede,” the bitter hillbilly’s are responding with “No, see. Say pway-don’t”.”
Clearly these are operatives of Rush Limbaugh’s “Operation Chaos,” because Democrats never engage in voter intimidation.
* Miley Cyrus’s bra has been ruled ineligible to run, as the signatures to get on the Pennsylvania ballot were not turned in on time. Has Hillary Clinton stolen the election? Is it a vast right wing conspiracy? Stay tuned for more…
We’ll continue to keep you updated on today’s Election. You can help. If you’ve seen or written something related to the Pa Primary, please DO share it in the comments.
Category: Political Humor Tags: Bill Clinton, Election, Miley Cyrus, Pennsylvania Primary, Political Humor
2004–2012
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What? I was promised Miley Cyrus bra pics.
I think the candidates should get up on stage, face eachother, pull their pants to their ankles, and the first one to laugh, loses.
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Just heard that Obama said that he expects to lose today to Clinton, but that he’s OK with a close second place.
Yeah, that’s just what we need in America, a presidential contender who’s happy with second best.
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Damon, I like that idea.
Les, I saw something about that. Do you have a link?
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Fiar- I heard it on the radio. Sorry, can’t seem to find a link. The best I could do was the ‘someone in his camp’ said kind of stuff. Close enough for me. I say you quote him!
Damon – I’ve got to disagree. If they pull down their pants, the first ones to laugh will the public. I think Hillary’s will be bigger. You know who losses then. On second thought, with this bunch, we’re all going to lose anyway. Might as well get a laugh out of it.
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Somehow the ‘We’re Number 2′ chant doesn’t have the same ring to it.
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Chris – Maybe we could add somthing to that chant like, “but we’ve got ours together”. It won’t be true but…
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Miley Cyras in a bra… why do I some how get the feeling that Bubba is involved in that, those dam democrats will try anything.
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One thing is for sure: Hillary’s win in PA means more arguing and fighting which is great for RL!
I still think Clinton will win the nomination. I just have this feeling there will be some backroom deals because her friends aren’t as radical as Obama’s social circle is.