Political Humor | People Don’t Kill People. Guns Do.

I think we all know that people don’t kill people. Guns do. They’re just born with the genetic programming for evil. In fact, guns have an entire chromosome dedicated to being evil. It’s true. Look it up.

I can’t tell you how many times I have read a story about an evil gun planting itself in the hands of an innocent civilian, and discharging itself into the body of another innocent civilian, ruining two lives in the process. The life of the person the gun viciously murdered, and the life of the poor, helpless soul that has now been ruthlessly framed for murder by the evil gun.

It’s common knowledge that if we take guns off the streets, violent crime will cease to exist. Then we will live in peaceful tranquility. Life will be a Utopian dream of apple trees and honey bees and snow white turtle doves.

That’s why I find it so disconcerting when I see something like this (H/T Wyatt Earp):

Speeding Car Pins Undercover Cop During Northern Liberties Bust
by KYW’s Michelle Durham

Two Philadelphia undercover officers were injured — one critically — on Wednesday morning after being struck by a car in Northern Liberties while in the process of arresting a robbery suspect.

Police say the suspect’s brother was behind the wheel of the car and exclaimed, “You’re not going to arrest my brother” before gunning the accelerator and trapping one officer between the vehicle and a utility pole. The other officer was thrown onto the hood of the car

…

According to police, the plainclothes policemen were in the midst of making an arrest at Orianna and Wildey Streets, with the suspect of a Tuesday robbery in custody and in handcuffs, awaiting a van to pick up the suspect when the car came at them. (Emph. Mine)

Obviously, I’m having a great deal of difficulty in comprehending this story. I suppose that it’s possible that the car is evil. I scoured the story several times looking for the part where an evil gun was brandished, but it seems like we are simply left to believe that the car was used as an intended weapon.

Perhaps the reporter is some sort of gun-toting nutjob that wants us to believe that violent people do violent things, and purged the story of all firearm references. I just don’t know. What I do know is, aside from guns, the only things that kill people are: Bush, Capitalism, Global Warming, second hand smoke, and trans fats.

Indeed, this signals a disturbing possibility. It may all just be gun-nut propaganda, but what if - just what if -the gun violence culture in America has become so deeply embedded in the American psyche that it’s now too late?

Could it be possible for people to use non-firearm related things for the destruction of human life? The possibilities are terrifying, especially considering how many of these are common household items: Cars, rocks, baseball bats, drain cleaner, rope, pens, screwdrivers, hammers, kitchen knives, lawnmower blades, box cutters, commercial airliners. Could any of these things be used to do harm, and why do I sense an eerie correlation between the last two items on the list?

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Posted to Humor-Blogs.com