Political Humor | Point/Counterpoint: Illegal Immigration

I have here with me, Flowers Bloom, and my attack watchdog, Isis to discuss the various aspects of illegal immigration. So why don’t we start with you, Flowers.

Flowers: I don’t understand the problem. These people are here, just trying to survive. They are hard working, and just trying to make a better life for themselves. They just want the American Dream, to have it better for their children than it was for them.

Isis: I am part Border Collie. The job of a Border Collie is to protect the herd (as well as to round up those who stray). Similar to the Border Collie, the job of our government is to protect it’s citizens.

You could say that these people are just trying to survive, but so are the wolf and the coyote. You could say that nothing is wrong with these illegal immigrants trying to make better lives for themselves, just as any of us would, but the coyote and the wolf are just as much within their rights to survive as the sheep. That doesn’t mean that the Border Collie can abandon her post, and neglect her duty, nor does it mean that the government can disregard its own laws, and the needs of its own citizens.

Flowers: I have heard that there are somwhere around 12 million undocumented workers in this country right now. If we were to deport them all, it would be chaos. America would never survive the backlash. It makes more sense to find a way to absorb them into our society.

Isis: You assume that the government is competent and efficient enough to send them all away in one fell swoop? My, but you are much dumber than I had expected. It’s foolish to think that it would not take quite a bit of time to locate them, and process them for deportation. It would be a mild transition over a lengthy period of time, and as such, there would be virtually no backlash at all.

Flowers: But they work for low wages, and do jobs that Americans wouldn’t be willing to do. Without them, prices will go up.

Isis: I believe my master already dispelled that myth, but allow me to summarize: These illegal immigrants, working for disgusting, atrocious wages, are standing in the way of technological advancement that would greatly increase efficiency, and thus, decrease costs. Also, I thought you wer supposed to be in favor of Human Rights and all that lovely sort of thing. Shouldn’t you be on the side of better wages? If they got paid the sort of money I assume you ought to desire for them, then prices would go up anyway. Would they not? So much for the “Living wage,” eh?

Flowers: It’s very difficult to come here legally, and the process is biased against Mexicans.

Isis: Maybe there are too many hoops to jump through to come here legally, but people do it. To allow amnesty is to say to those people, “Screw you, stupid! Whatever posessed you to follow our dumb rules? You could have just come, and then demanded citizenship.” Also, you seem to assume that we are against any sort of reform, but that is simply not true. I would be all for streamlining the process, but that must go paw in paw with enforcing the law. The rules, whatever they may be, must be followed and enforced.

Flowers: You’re just racist against Mexicans!

Isis: That’s just plain stupid. You lose!

Flowers: Ow! Your stupid mongrel bit me!

Isis: Yuck. This moonbat suddenly tastes bitter. And I was so looking forward to trying my new recipe. Grilled Moonbat.

Well, Flowers, It would seem that my “stupid” dog is still far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be. Thanks for stopping by. I suck as a host, so I’ll just claim that we’re all out of time for this week, even though that makes entirely no sense on a blog.

Good dog, Isis!

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Trackbacked on Mudville Gazette