Being the diligent liberals and much-deserved political humor targets that they are, the hippies recycle everything, including their tales of woe and doom befalling the planet. They just swap out the correlations, I mean causes. Whoops.

Look at them recycling the food thrown away by restaurants and grocery stores. You know the kind of stuff that the Board of Health deems unhealthy for human consumption. Keep eating our garbage hippies. Let us know if you need any more.

Anyways, back in the 1970′s, during the beginning of the plague of environmentalism, the Earth was cooling a little bit and of course the moonbats freaked out. Global Cooling was the big threat. Newsweek and Time scared us with their big stories on the subject.

“There are ominous signs that the Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically and that these changes may portend a drastic decline in food production – with serious political implications for just about every nation on Earth. The drop in food output could begin quite soon, perhaps only 10 years from now.”

Scary stuff and of course it never panned out despite Jimmy Carter being President. Now that was frightening!

Global Cooling must have caused the failure of the the mission to save the Iranian hostages right? It couldn’t have been the fact that a certain bumbling person was in charge. But what about extreme weather?

“Last April, in the most devastating outbreak of tornadoes ever recorded, 148 twisters killed more than 300 people and caused half a billion dollars’ worth of damage in 13 U.S. states.”

So cooler and warmer temperatures cause more tornadoes? It looks like we are pretty screwed then. Perhaps we should be shooting for Global Lukewarm-ness or a fancier term like Tepid-ness for the hoi polloi crowd?

“But they are almost unanimous in the view that the trend will reduce agricultural productivity for the rest of the century. If the climatic change is as profound as some of the pessimists fear, the resulting famines could be catastrophic.”

Those good-old pessimists love ruining our fun. Those people are the wet blankets of the world traveling around in their caravans of despair telling everyone how crappy things are.

“In Africa, drought continues for the sixth consecutive year, adding terribly to the toll of famine victims.”

There’s that drought theme in Africa again. Funny, they’ve been through both Global Warming and Cooling yet they still the same water problems. But nothing to worry about folks because if we buy tire gauges and drive cars smaller then a bathtub the Africans will be saved!

But you will need life insurance.

Of course back in the 1970′s, like today climate change was all our fault, except in a different way.

“Man, too, may be somewhat responsible for the cooling trend. The University of Wisconsin’s Reid A. Bryson and other climatologists suggest that dust and other particles released into the atmosphere as a result of farming and fuel burning may be blocking more and more sunlight from reaching and heating the surface of the earth.”

Wow so the Greenhouse Effect was against warming before it was for it? Typical flip-flopping political ideal, just like the hippies reasoning for wanting the world to live in communes, pick garbage for food, and have the energy output of 1860.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Thursday. You can also read his odd and original humor at his own blog, Angry Seafood.

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Category: Political Humor Tags: Global Warming, Hippie Humor, Political Humor