A few months ago John McCain envisioned what 2012 would be like if he was President. I imagine more arguing and menial accomplishments from my government in the next four years but I am being an optimist after all. The best possible outcome is a deadlocked legislature because they can’t screw anything up if they can’t agree what to do.
None the less I did some digging on this story during my writing break and I am proud to announce I have obtained John McCain’s diary from the future if he were elected. The journal was odd in that it wasn’t day-to-day but rather just when he wanted to make note of something or actually remembered to.
It is a telling account of the world we will live in and what special interest group will make out from a McCain presidency.
2/02/09
“Some are already making claims that I am incontinent. I have begun eating prunes to help combat this perception.”
8/25/09
“Being incontinent cropped up again this week in the news. I’ve asked my press secretary to increase the prune feedings to twice daily.”
1/01/10
“New Year’s resolution: more prunes.”
4/30/10
“Again with the incontinent remarks. I have pooped three times already this month. I do not understand what these people want from me.”
7/02/10
“This is the third time this week the media has referred to my incontinence.”
10/20/10
“Must…get…prunes. Haven’t pooped in a week.”
12/31/10
“Again my resolution is more prunes. Why must the press harp on my incontinence?”
5/20/11
“I signed legislation that will give subsidies to prune and fiber farmers. Showed the country I give a poop about them.”
6/11/11
“I am not leaving the bathroom until I have pooped twelve times, once for each Cabinet member so I can show them who’s incontinent.”
7/01/11
“My press secretary has finally pulled me aside and told me everyone was calling me incompetent.
I’ve cancelled future prune shipments. And I’ve decided to nuke Iran.”
Chris Cameron’s weekly political humor columns magically appear here every Thursday at Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his odd and twisted humor at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.
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2004–2008
10 responses so far ↓
1
Les James
// Jul 17, 2008 at 11:00 am
Had to dig through load of crap for this one.
2
Chris C.
// Jul 17, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I can add more pictures if you like Les. Let me go push some out….
3
Les James
// Jul 17, 2008 at 1:30 pm
That’s alright, but thanks for the thought. I just appreciate the dedication it took, on your part, to put on the hip waders and wander through the poo in order to bring us a brown eye view of the future.
It’s good to know that a president McCain won’t take any shit but is more then willing to give one. That’s caring.
4
Fiar
// Jul 17, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I wonder what sort of foot tapping went on in there. Why didn’t you think to notice that, Chris?
5
Les James
// Jul 17, 2008 at 5:39 pm
OK, way off topic. The only submissions we’ve received for this month’s humor writing contest have come from people that haven’t a clue. The latest was formated all wrong, had nothing to do with the subject and WASN’T FUNNY!
Please, all of you non-blog owning folks who like to read this stuff and even those of you who comment, send us a reasonable try. With the utter lack of competition, you should fare rather well.
Go to the top of this page. There’s a long black bar up there. In it you’ll find the words Political Humor Writers Contest. Click on it. I’m being sarcastic, but from the look of the submissions we’ve received so far, they must not have ever looked there.
Please. Just sit right where you are and write something. Now! Damn it, I’ve said please twice!
Thank you. I’ve heard you get a lot more flies with honey.
6
Alex L.
// Jul 18, 2008 at 7:34 am
Actually I’m pretty sure flies flock to shit better than honey… Where is future McCain when you need him.
7
insolublog
// Jul 18, 2008 at 8:55 am
This really makes me wonder what dear John’s pick for his number two will be.
8
SinisterDan
// Jul 18, 2008 at 10:40 am
Not to lance your boil on this one, but I presume that if he is elected he will produce an amazing amount of crap.
9
Casey
// Jul 20, 2008 at 1:25 am
Congress needs to lay off the prunes. They have been throwing feces down our necks for as long as I can remember.
10 McCain Joint Chiefs Briefing | Bomb Iran | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 5, 2008 at 9:11 pm
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