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“Just follow me” she said as she crawled off down the tunnel, I felt like saying no problem but I had the feeling she was quick on the draw and didn’t really want to know I was admiring her rear. I just swallowed my words and crawled after her. After a while the tunnel opened out and we were able to walk. I say tunnel but it soon became obvious it was the sewer, not something you want to be crawling in, but death’s girly grip was still placed on my shoulder. Also something that doesn’t feel too comfortable.

“So how did you meet Cutter” The lady said from a short distance in front, she whispered still, keeping her voice low.

“Why are you whispering?” I barked the tunnels echoing with my voice. Before I could go on she whipped around and stuffed the revolver deep into my mouth, not the first time cold steel had made its way to my tonsils and I’m sure it wouldn’t be the last.

“Quiet… whisper” She said as she withdrew the gun from my mouth. After dry reaching a few times I regained my composure.

“Why, they aren’t following us any more” I said raising my arms pointing to the above ground.

“Not them” She said pointing above ground as well

“You can’t tell me you believe that rumor… you can’t be serious?” I replied shocked she might be considering it was true

“I’ve spent a lot of time places you haven’t, I’ve seen things!” She said before turning back around “Now follow me and stay frosty”

Well that wouldn’t be a problem. I couldn’t believe she thought that was true, the UNknown had been a rumor for years but no one had ever seen them, it was stupid. It couldn’t be true, could it? Sometime when the world went cold, and the few hold out southern states kept hanging onto oil, the UN was called in to help out with the change over, hell they weren’t doing anything else.

Once all the warzones went cold, they withdrew, there wasn’t much they could do. Eventually the soldiers were sold to a conglomerate of Coca Cola and a few other companies, a few of them ended up as fully armed delivery people for Pizza Hut the rest… the rest just kind of disappeared. Everyone always just assumed they went back to life like us, freezing our asses off somewhere, trying to catch raccoons to eat.

Maybe the rumors where true, that when the temperature dropped, certain companies started experimenting with new ways to grow sugar cane. And that the remaining UN soldiers had been the guinea pigs. I’d met some UN soldiers, hell they used to deliver food to me they’d always seemed happy.

Big business had outlasted the government anyway, for the last six months of civility in the US the Colonel had been President or at least an actor. Or at least that’s what they claimed. They were all gone now. Government, business, religion… funny thing was though the line between Republican and Democrat had survived somehow… I guess people always needed someone to blame.

“So what are these UNknown meant to be?” I asked her, she was still some distance in front of me

“You, know the stories everyone does, it’s different when you see them… they’re, they’re crazy… it’s the sugar”

“How can sugar do that to some one, for this long?” I asked in an insolent tone, she turned and gave me a sneer

“They needed to grow the cane in a new way… with the world becoming wet damp and dark, they spliced it with…”

“Mushrooms?” I said

“Exactly… now shut up and follow me would you” She said as she led on into the darkness of the tunnel. We walked for some time making our way through tunnel after tunnel, finally we reached a manhole.

“Alright you go up first” she said

“Why me?” I squealed in my most manly voice

“Because” she said removing her revolver again from its holster. Well good enough reason as any in my books, climbing up the ladder I pushed the manhole open a crack, a few drops of snow felt through the crack. I peaked through the gap, it looked clear enough… but you never did know.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Global Warming, Humour, Political Humor, Satire