“Politicians are like diapers. They both need changing regularly and for the same reason.” Robin Williams in Man of the Year

Potty Humor

America wants change. A least that’s what some politicians want us to think. I heard the head of the DNC, Screamin’ Howard Dean saying that a while ago, it must be true. He’s a doctor and has delivered babies and everything, after all. So what’s not to believe?

Clinton and Obama whine that they will change America. Something tells me that’s not what needs changing. McCain isn’t really talking a lot about change, he’s really not talking a lot about anything. I suppose he’s happy with the load he’s carrying.

I’ve had it with politicians treating me like I’m the infant. I don’t care if they try the plane coming in for a landing approach or the train going into the tunnel trick or whatever. I’m not opening my mouth any more for little racecars. Because every time I do, they either attempt to spoon-feed me more of their crap or shove a nipple in that’s dripping with the rancid milk of social programs.

Who do they think they are anyway, a cluster of wet nurses at some Nanny State operated day care center? Talk about the government wanting into every facet of your life. I feel violated.

The more I think about that, the madder I get. This is really starting to piss me off. I don’t need their nurturing! I didn’t ask for their ridiculous agendas! Who the… Of all the… I’ve got exactly two words for them, Suckle This!

Slowly count to 10. OK…I’m feeling better now. Sorry. Just got a little worked up

Pawed By Politicians

America as a whole, isn’t sitting in some over-large, poopy diaper. It’s just a very small part of the population that is, namely a fair amount of the elected types working in state capital buildings and a particular group inside of the Beltway. Most of the rest of us have learned to take responsibility for the care of our bodily functions and don’t soil where we sit. It’s called growing up.

I say most, because there seems to be a vocal minority (like a majority of those who use to reside in the 9th ward, and wasn’t that just nature’s way of flushing?) who actually likes to feel their elected official’s hands on their privates. Ahhhhh! Just the thought of that gives me the willies.

And for those who will never learn…

It Doesn’t Just Happen

Mastication. Ingestion. Digestion. Excretion. These are the four steps. Despite a popular saying, it doesn’t just happen. Feces is a process. It’s the deliberate act of taking material in and then later –after everything useful has been removed-emitting it out as waste or political rhetoric.

Although there are a few politicians that have become so terribly flexible that they have managed to bend themselves into a position were their in-put and out-put portals have merged to become one. They’re now practicing green principles -by recycling their own talking points.

The rest are busy shoveling it -from their fellow elected officials diapers into their own pie holes- as fast as they can. Then they rudely talk to us, with their mouths full –spitting as they do- and attempting to force their own end products down our collective throats.

Senator Change Thyself

It’s well past time for our “leaders” to stop this charade of role reversal. We’re the adults who elected them. If they had any desire to grow-up and earn a little respect from those who pay their salaries, they’d first learn to change their own nappies. And no, that’s not a racial slur. It’s context Imus, that’s were you messed up.

Just listening to them sounds like a bunch of two year olds crying about who pulled who’s hair and screaming because they want a toy someone else is playing with. “Oh, I’m telling the press on you!” Give me a break.

Aren’t you tired of having to pay to cleaning-up the messes these snot-nosed crybabies make? Here’s an idea. Maybe they could spread newspaper around on the floor, until they been fully potty trained. It’s the best use for newspaper that I know of.

Under this scenario, we should be able to rub their noses in it every time they dump on the American people. But you know as well as I do, they don’t give a squat about changing anything other then their own asinine statements.

Next time you’re holding your nose in the voting booth, think about giving those who caused all of this stink, a time out and a big box of baby wipes.

If you’ll please excuse me, I need a shower.

Humor-Blogs.com has plenty of dirty diapers.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Clinton, McCain, Obama, Obama for a Change, Political Humor