Being a webmaster of a famous political humor site has it’s drawbacks. Every day I get flooded with hate mail. For some inexplicable reason, people are always asking me who I hate more: Babies, black people, or hippies.
I honestly don’t know where this even comes from. I love babies. In fact, I never tasted a baby that I didn’t like with just the right marinade. Sure, I’ve had a few platters that were overdone, and dry, but I blame the cook on that, not the dish.
And where does this assumption that I hate black people come from? I don’t hate black people. In fact, some of my best friends are… Well, ok. Truth be told, none of my friends are black people, but that’s only because I don’t have any friends.
I don’t understand that either. I meet people. They seem nice, but then they turn all weird when I scold them for letting their kids run wild like that. “They’ll get all tough and stringy,” I tell them, and they look at me like, “Are you mental?” Then they make up some excuse about how they have to go visit their great aunt at the nursing home. But I know what’s up. They’re just trying to get away from me.
Now dirty hippies, they are a threat to the existence of the whole human race.
I hate hippies. They’re progressive, which is a compound word that combines progress - to move forward, and regressive - to move backwards. They’re always looking for ways to move society backwards a few thousand years.
Hippies are opposed to technology, unless it was invented 20,000 years ago, like the windmill. That’s somehow the solution to our increased energy demands. Fucking windmills. Just ask T. Boone Pickens. I don’t know who the Hell he is, but I know that he can’t even spell T-Bone right, so I am inherently skeptical that he has anything worthwhile to say.
Windmills. Hey, I’ve got an idea, lets carve this stone into a circle and we can call it “the wheel.” Won’t that be a hoot?
Hippies have never invented anything worth inventing. You can credit them for pondering what the definition of “is” is, eating garbage, and inventing man made global warming. That’s about it. Oh, yeah. They also forfeited a war we were winning, and their proud of their stunning defeat in the face of victory. I’d call them losers, but they would celebrate that like it’s a Good Thing™.
Let’s just skip to beating hippies instead. It patriotic, and fun for the whole family.
So who do I hate more? Definitely the hippies.
Vote for this on Humor-Blogs.com and get a free T-shirt, assuming you beat a hippie and steal his T-shirt, but who would want that stinky thing anyway?.
2004–2008
21 responses so far ↓
1
Chris C.
// Jul 23, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Some day the hippies will all be gone, hopefully eaten by babies.
2
Les James
// Jul 23, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Or dingos. I can’t get that tune out of my head.
D-I-N-G-ahhhhh!
3
Insolublog
// Jul 23, 2008 at 3:48 pm
They also invented their own Soy colored Tofu substitute for Jesus Christ, who’s running for president right now.
4
Augusto
// Jul 23, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I don’t know - I kind of feel sorry for the hippies I know.
After all, they were the children of Reagan Republicans who lost control of their trust funds and were left with no life skills.
What could they do but turn to tofu and weed?
I mean, for the love of God, their fathers’ party abandoned the goals of small government, balanced budgets and eliminating governmental intrusion into the bedrooms. How could they be expected to cope with all that disappointment?
Those poor hippies were thrown out of the church’s pancake breakfast to raise money for criminalizing gay marriage just because they are living together without benefit of clergy. What next? Rejected from the volunteer army for loving to..uhmm….shoot off? Next thing you know they won’t allow the hippies to complain about being sexually abused by the priest when they were kids. There is just no justice.
But really, you are failing to appreciate the true value of the hippies….they eat lots of raw cabbage and broccoli so they are renewable sources of domestic gas.
5
Les James
// Jul 24, 2008 at 8:43 am
Great news! Just heard this morning that eating even a moderate amount of soy (tofu) can lead to reduced sperm counts of up to 50%.
6
Fiar
// Jul 24, 2008 at 9:06 am
I know. Between that, abortions, and their view that humans are a parasite to the Earth, they’ll eradicate themselves within 2 generations.
7
Meg
// Jul 24, 2008 at 10:15 am
Dude, you are seriously in need of some Neil Young right now.
8
Meg
// Jul 24, 2008 at 10:16 am
And you can also hate on his bratty autistic kids.
9
Meg
// Jul 24, 2008 at 10:17 am
I’m a Hippie-Lover, can you tell? And a bit of a Comment Whore.
10
Sarah
// Jul 24, 2008 at 12:13 pm
Dirty Hippies…
I know a hippie.
She is dirty..
Really..SHE IS
11
insolublog
// Jul 24, 2008 at 1:05 pm
When you say we have to patiently wait 2 generations for the great eradication, you are talking about yeast or bacteria generations, right?
12
Qelqoth
// Jul 25, 2008 at 9:34 am
Hippies…Amish…they all make for epic lulz.
13 Game Show Parody | Guess the Illegal | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Jul 26, 2008 at 9:28 pm
[...] Why I Hate Hippies [...]
14 Monuments Built by Slave Labor | Tear It All Down | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Jul 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm
[...] Why I Hate Hippies [...]
15 Hippies Recycle Everything Including Their Mantras | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 7, 2008 at 11:00 am
[...] the diligent liberals and much-deserved political humor targets that they are, the hippies recycle everything, including their tales of woe and doom befalling the planet. They just swap out [...]
16
thank god i have a brain
// Aug 16, 2008 at 3:58 am
look women put your definition of “hippies” (people who are trying to get of thier asses and give a fuck about whats going on)
it narrow minded.
may do some research on windmills, the actaully fucking large windmills they uses for clean energy it is actaully tecnology step up, NOT going backwards
it’s cheep to run
it’s cheeper elelectisy for you!
and it helps the enviroment
a step up from plants
which if have one large actident
could kill us all
i dunno what you think hippie are but i sure you wil not have to worry about them coming to get you anyways, because the 60/70 are dead nows anyways so
you say you have no friends maybe start to care about more things then just yours self
love and peace and all things loving
peace man! hahhahahah
17
Fiar
// Aug 16, 2008 at 8:11 am
Please tell me you were stoned when you wrote that. I think that was the most incoherent comment I’ve ever seen.
18 Satire | Energy Independence: The Perot Plan | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 26, 2008 at 9:03 am
[...] Texas billionaire. He’s got a plan too. Yes, sir, he surely does. It’s called The Make T. Boone Pickens Richer Plan. You see, he’s heavily invested in the same snake-oil schemes that he’s [...]
19 Rick Warren Interviews Obama, McCain, Fiar | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Sep 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm
[...] one time I was all set to beat the stupid out of a dirty hippie, but as I approached, the smell was ungodly. I decided to move on and just let the hippie be. It [...]
20
numbskull72
// Nov 2, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I might be considered a hippie by some. Long hair, social activism, etc. But I also hold down a job and am active in the community. So you like to thump hippies huh? Well, I’m not so easily thumped. So anytime you want to throw down, big man, come and see me.
21 The Obama-Biden Plan & New National Anthem | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Nov 3, 2008 at 10:01 pm
[...] up enough to say on the subject) Political Humor & Satire by Radioactive Liberty brings you a satirical look-using humor and deep political insight - a nice selection of funny pictures about Election [...]
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