Political Humor | President Obama Visits the Joint Chiefs of Stuff

Army General: Mr. President?

Obama: What? I got a name you know.

Army General: Yes sir. We’re ready to begin your first meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. If you’re ready sir, we should head to the briefing.

Obama: And I’m in charge of these Joint Chiefs of Stuff, right?

Army General: Yes sir, you’re the Commander in Chief.

Obama: Right and don’t you forget it. What’s that guy doing?

Army General: He’s saluting you sir. It’s an old military custom of courtesy, showing respect for your position.

Obama: I see. For the position. Not for me. Well, stop it. I’ll have no more of that saluting stuff around here. Do you understand?

Army General: Yes sir.

Obama: Is that your answer to everything, “yes sir”?

Army General: No sir.

Obama: OK then, and don’t think that I don’t know what going on with this war thing. I spent like twenty minutes in Afghanistan and had lunch in Iraq. I’ll just sit over here at the head of the table and… hey, what’s this?

Air Force General: That’s, a… a bottle of water sir.

Obama: I can see that, Einstein. I’ll make it easier for you. What will happen after I get through drinking that water? What’s going to happen to the bottle? Huh?

Air Force General: Well, sir… I suppose it’ll get thrown away.

Obama: Right, and then it will end up in a landfill where it will sit for like a billion years or so, or worse it could end up in the ocean and probably kill a polar bear or a bird or something.

Air Force General: Would you like me to get rid of it for you sir?

Obama: Damn right I would and bring me a glass of water from the tap. No, wait. The municipal water is bad. Forget it. Now what was so important that you got me away from Oprah? Shakira was on.

Army General: Sir, it’s the Iranian issue.

Obama: What Iranian issue? President Akamdener… ah, Amaderdad… or whatever, promised me he’d start acting like a responsible citizen of the world. He gave me his word over the phone.

Air Force General: Yes, sir, I’m sure he did.

Obama: Are you being a smart-ass with me flyboy?

Air Force General: No sir. But they did successfully test a nuke late yesterday.

Obama: Did they now?

Navy Admiral: Yes sir. It was part of you National Security Brief this morning.

Obama: Yeah, about that. You guys just keep filling that thing up really negative stuff and I don’t really understand most of it. It has a lot of crap it there about FPCON this and deployment that. I think you’re making up a lot of words and phrases just to screw with me. Sticking it to the new guy.

Navy Admiral: Sir?

Obama: Right, let’s lay it out on the table. You don’t like me and I don’t like you. OK? So until I can get rid of all of you, you’re just going to have to deal with it. Now, you Air Force guy.

Air Force General: Sir?

Obama: Get my plane ready. We’re going to Iran. When I see him face-to-face, he’ll see that I’m the charismatic voice of reason and he’ll stop for good.

Air Force General: Yes sir. I’ll inform the crew to get Air Force One prepped ASAP and we’ll start the process rolling with the State Department and Secret Service to begin squaring away their end of the mission. It shouldn’t take but four, maybe five days or so if we fast tract it. We can have boots on the ground…

Obama: Knock it off there, wing nut. Speak English or Spanish around me merci beaucoups. Conprendio? And about that Air Force One name, from now on it’s Michele One, got it? Oh, and later today I’ve got my posse heading over there to pimp it out. And another thing, can the jarhead even talk?

Marine Corps General: Jarhead? JARHEAD? Yes sir, this jarhead can talk but I’m a man of few words and I’ve got two for you. I resign!

Obama: Good, that’s one down. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Army General: Sir, with all due respect…

Obama: You got that right, doughboy. I am due respect. Now all of you get out of here and go do some peacekeeping or something. Anyone who’s left can start cleaning up the trash along the highways. Got that? I’m going to get an honest days work out of all of you baby killers.

Army General: That’s it! I resign.

Air Force General: Me too.

Navy Admiral: Make that three.

Obama: Well, that was easy. Now let’s see…what’s next? Oh, yeah. Off to Capital Hill to talk with the Republicans, and later this afternoon those Blue Dog Democrats. Tomorrow the Supreme Court. Four of them over there need to see the light or the door.

Demand more political humor at Humor-Blogs.com