Presidential Candidate Aristocrats
By Chris C
WARNING: What you are about to read is graphic and truly horrific in nature. This is a political version of the infamous ‘Aristocrats’ joke told by numerous comics over the years. If you are easily offended then I suggest you click away now.
A group of presidential candidates walks into a talent agency. It’s Hillary Clinton, Rudy Guliani, Ron Paul, and a dog. Rudy says to the talent agent, “We have a really amazing act. You should represent us.”
The agent says, “Sorry, I don’t represent politicians. They’re a little too cute.”
Hillary says, “Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us.”
The agent says, “OK. OK. I’ll take a look.”
The act begins with Rudy dressed in drag feeding the dog Ex-Lax and it in turn shits all over the floor. Hillary drops her drawers to reveal a huge bush of hair, as if she has Chewbacca in a leg-lock. She shaves her pubes affixing them to Guliani’s chin and cheeks as a makeshift beard. Clinton then proceeds to perform fellatio on the dog while Ron Paul shoves his five million dollars of campaign funds into her vagina. Paul dressed up as an adult baby smears the shit all over his body then shoves the dog’s head into Hillary’s asshole.
Rudy then dons his “I’m the only one who can beat Hillary” t-shirt and starts whipping her in the buttocks with a rubber spatula while fucking Ron Paul up the ass like a also-ran candidate is supposed to take it, no lube. They end the act by simultaneously ejaculating all over the dog.
The agent sits back stunned. A few minutes later he asks: “So what do you call yourselves?”
“The Aristocrats!” they exclaim in unison.
Category: Humor
2004–2012
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I think I just shat myself. I really could see Hillary with Chewbacca in a leg lock. Anybody seen the hedge trimmers?
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This thing could be really good or really bad. For Ron Paul it might help him. hehe
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What happened to the part of the act where Obama sings “Barak the Magic Negro” while juggling dildos, and John Edwards, in his best evening gown tries to out-sing him with a rendition of “I Feel Pretty,” while attempting to snag the dildos out of mid air in between lines?
That was the best part of the act.
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I need to clarify, Edwards is attempting to snag the dildos out of the air by catching them in his mouth. I type slower than I think, or talk for that matter.
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The post left me shell-shocked. FIAR’s comments dropped me on the floor.
Caint come close to matching either, not even gonna try.
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Ummmm….poor doggie.
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That one is just stupid.
I just didn’t see any humor at all.
It is the sort of thing that might be useful to read, just before or after a meal, if one were trying to loose weight.
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Classic. With a new twist.
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I love it. Let’s sign em up.
The avantegard of political theatre. They’d be a hit in SF during the Folsom Street Fair.
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This is the funniest thing I have read all week.
And, simultaneously, the most erotic.