Political Humor | Redefining Words: Real World Newspeak

This is part 1 of Proclamations from the Mountaintop: A 6 part political humor series, by Les James.

I DIDN’T NOT SAY THAT,
OR SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE

Image: Torture Museum 4515 by Sandeep Thukral

Words and their subsequent combining into sentences are meant to get across meaning. I’m sure this comes as a shock to some. It seems like it would be dreadfully difficult to speak a language without understanding the significance of the words.

Yet, everyday I hear the misspoken American version of the English language being brutally tortured.

Simple hard working nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs are abused, misused, twisted, distorted, and - worst of all - All they were trying to do was convey a thought when they were unexpectedly snatched up and subjected to the Spelling Inquisition, where they get chewed up and spit out in some almost unrecognizable form. Where are the advocacy groups and protesters when you need them?

Please don’t get me wrong. I can be guilty of these verbal or written infractions also. Occasionally I may use exaggerated language to over-describe a subject. But I do it understanding the impact and only in jest or, in some cases as an example.Proof of this can be found in the previous paragraph.

I was a student in SoCal in the 60’s and 70’s. I grew up surfing and skateboarding dude, so I have just as much of a built-in excuse as anyone. The difference for me is intent. I don’t go out of my way to butcher our fine lettered friends.

It comes down to diction and grammar, elocution and syntax. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

The human brain develops thoughts based upon language. It needs words to form these thoughts. If your mind is conditioned to using only foul, vulgar, or slang speech then your brain will tend to process thoughts using those words, phrases, or terms.

G.I.G.O.: Garbage In, Garbage Out

I could spend the next week giving examples, and I’m sure I would be considered un-enlightened, if not a hate monger, for my lack of sensitivity toward certain regional variations and some protected classes, whether I mentioned them or not.

Wait, wait. Yes, a new thought! I’m so excited. Shouldn’t we have a breeding program for some of those protected classes to insure their survival?

Oh, yeah, we do, its called irresponsible males and the clueless girls who let them. Maybe we should relocate them to a reservation or something like that? It’s worked so well in the past.

Maybe the government should forcibly take some of my money and give it to these folks. Silly me, it’s already happening!

Hey, another thought. It’s my lucky day! Maybe that stupid fashion trend of young men’s clothing always being on sale has something to do with this. You know, all pants half off. From there it’s only a quick tug to… Sorry, I got sidetracked. Back to the subject.

“It changed everything forever!”

How often do you hear that? What does that even mean? Time moves on and so does life. It changed everything my big toe! Last time I checked everything was a whole lot of stuff. In fact it was, well… Everything!

As for the forever part there is a company that touts its bed as being able to change the way I will sleep forever. Personally I never planned on that.

They say nothing lasts forever. They also say that when it comes to gifts, it’s the thought that counts. They are a bunch of blathering idiots! Don’t listen to Them. They and Them got me into a lot of trouble.

For my wife’s last birthday I combined these two so called pearls of wisdom and told her I had thought about getting her a gift, but didn’t. After all it’s the thought that counts. Instead I wanted her to have nothing since it will last forever.

That just had to be better than short-lived flowers, didn’t it?

I guess I may not have fully understood Them when They made those statements. Figures. This goes right back to the topic. They and Them are like Lucy and Ethel. They (insert Cuban accent) gotta lotta esplaining ta do!

When did we lose the ability to see and speak clearly?

I believe I have an incredible grasp of the obvious. This may be related to “common sense.” Something else I believe I have been gifted with. It allows me to look at something and see what really is there.

If the sky was clear, I don’t see clouds. If the sky was clear I can write that the sky was clear and not feel the need to exaggerate by saying that this particular clear day was the best clear day in all of the history of clear days ever on the earth and would be the benchmark for clear days to come, forever and ever after. How could I possibly know that?

Image: Under the Clear Blue Sky by Kanko

To be totally truthful, I really do have fun with words and sometimes I might embellish just a tiny bit, but only as an example by extremes.

But - and there always (see what I mean) seems to be a but in there somewhere - it’s a matter of perspective and honesty.

I have to wonder if our collective perspective is skewed and has it affected our ability to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help us (this word was omitted so as not to offend the estimated 5% or less of our population)? If you find that offensive, well good for you!

Last time I checked the U.S. Constitution hadn’t been amended, so majority rule is still in effect.

If you don’t like it get it legally voted out. I don’t care what the issue is or how supposedly right and just the cause – Of a minority of the people, by a minority of people, forced upon the majority of the people is never an acceptable method of governance.

Juntas and other authoritarian forms of government use this model. A republic respects individual rights and uses the fair majority rule of law. I think that’s what we used to be.

Talk about a short attention span. How did we end up here?

The original point is that once we have reached a place where words change meanings with every use, then everything will mean nothing and nothing will mean everything and it will change everything forever, if you get my current meaning.

Subject to change without notice.

Now that wasn’t so bad was it? But this was just a warm up to get you ready. Soon we will be swimming in waters populated by modern-day sea monsters.

So take your foot out of that ocean and grab your water wings, because next time we dive in headfirst, and look at Global Warming Hysteria.

Editorial Note: Les James will delve into Global Warming Hysteria next Tuesday. You can have it delivered straight to your email inbox or your RSS reader by Subscribing to Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty.