Political Humor |

Possible GOP candidates launched a listening tour in an attempt to “rebrand” the Republican Party. It’s about time we got with the program. Cool, hip, new brands are just what young people identify with. Just look at the success “rebranding” has enjoyed in the past.

There once was a fast food chain called “Burger King” that was getting it’s ass kicked by McDonalds all the time. They dropped all those extraneous letters and emerged as BK. The same thing happened with another fast food chain called Kentucky Fried Chicken. Apparently these companies decided that extra letters were the problem, not the shitty service and products at their restaurants.

Dropping extra letters has not been the only rebranding scheme that has had success. Sometimes products have had letters added, or different words altogether put in their names.

For instance, bat-shit crazy has been rebranded under several different names that have enjoyed some modicum of success. One such label for bat-shit crazy was “Global Warming“. When people used to run around telling everyone that the world was going to end, they were just considered bat-shit crazy, and usually only achieved the level of standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by. When they decided that they needed a new name, they took on the moniker of “Global Warming” and lots of people bought into their apocalyptic visions of the oceans swallowing up whole countries. Indeed, some enterprising people have come up with ways to make millions by capitalizing on bat-shit crazy’s new found success.

It appears the “Global Warming” brand may have run it’s course. Bat-shit crazy people have now rebranded their special version of bat-shit crazy as “Climate Change” since it appears the prophecies of the bat-shit crazy community were wrong. “Global Warming” or as it is now known “Climate Change” is not the only version of bat-shit crazy to enjoy success.

There was once a time when people who believed the source of all human problems is an ancient alien race, they were considered bat-shit crazy, and relegated to standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by. At some point, a brilliant, but bat-shit crazy, marketer named L. Ron Hubbard decided to rebrand his version of bat-shit crazy as a religion called “Scientology.” He went from standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by to getting gazillions of dollars from vapid celebrities and plebes alike. His version of bat-shit crazy is still going strong today.

The success of rebranding is not exclusive to bat-shit crazy or fast food restaurants. Mass murder also enjoyed some success after being rebranded by a charismatic chap with a funny mustache. That chap, who by the way was also bat-shit crazy, was Adolf Hitler. He decided that mass murder needed a new brand. He called it “The Final Solution”. Germans bought into it by the truck load. Once Hitler enacted this deft marketing strategy, he wiped out about a million Jews. That’s some serious brand power.

As you can see, rebranding is a powerful strategy that breeds success. You can’t argue with the results. Can we dupe a shitload of ignorant ovines? Yes, we can!

You can read more of JumpOut’s bat-shit crazy at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered