Political Humor | The Republican National Convention Schedule Heats Up

Last week we were treated to the Democratic National Convention. Even though there is no such thing as a Democratic Party. It’s actually the Democrat Party, but I’m sure I’m not going to convince anyone that there is no Democratic Party, unless they already know that they are Democrats, and not Democratics. By treated, I mean like a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy. Complete with nausea, vomiting, hair loss, and Joe Biden’s hair plugs.

So, Tens of millions of Americans tuned in last week to America’s Got No Talent. What’s that? It’s called America’s Got Talent? I just assumed from the complete lack of talent demonstrated on the show that it was called America’s Got No Talent. Well, if America’s Got Talent, then none of it is none of it is present on the show by the same name.

Am I the only one who saw this show for the first time and thought, “Holy crap! This makes American Idol look like television for smart people?” Don’t even get me started on how much I hate David Hasselhoff. I think I covered that pretty well on my recent blogger interview. My only hope is that one day, there will be a contestant whose act is to stomp “the Hoff” into a puddle. Then, of course, there’s Jerry Springer. Do you know that he was once the mayor of Cincinnati, thus proving conclusively that people from Ohio should never ever be allowed anywhere near a voting machine.

But I seem to have strayed off topic a bit. This is not about the Hoff, or America’s Got Talent, or TV shows that make you demonstrably dumber by watching them. This is about political conventions.

Did you notice how Hillary Clinton looked like she had murder in her eyes while she endorsed the candidacy of Barack Henry Obama? She looked like Christopher Walken in a homicidal nightmare. I suppose President Obama made some sort of speech about checking the tire pressure in our cars, and brushing our teeth before we go to bed, and may have even asked for some assistance removing that bucket that’s perpetually stuck on his head.

But that was all overshadowed by McCain’s announcement of his running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. Acording to the Republican National Convention schedule, the Hot Vice Presidential candidate will take to the stage tonight at the Republican National Convention. The attendee’s of the RNC will rise and salute the VP nominee, and she will chastise them to sit back down or she will be forced to rip off her top and start paddling.

They don’t call the Librarian Hot VP contender Paddlin’ Palin for nothing. Ok, so that’s just something I made up, and it’s completely based on something that has only happened in my own mind. Although, from reports I’ve been seeing from the moonbats, they’re just as raging with hormonal induced fantasies about Sarah Palin as the rest of us non-gay males are.

In their fantastic delusions, photoshopped images of gun wielding babes are somehow a negative to the McCain/Palin ticket. Try as they might to make it look like she’s about to head out on a shooting spree of the homeless, black people, and war protesters, one can’t help but wish the Sarah Palin bikini pics weren’t so obviously photoshoped.

Sarah Palin is hot, and she’s a supporter of a drill, drill, drill policy. This is good, because I also think we should push for drilling in the Alaskan bush… And Sarah Palin thongs.

I’m certain that the Democrats will continue to attack Sarah Palin on her lack of experience (See also, jobs Barack Obama is almost qualified for), the snoozefest of a “scandal” surrounding 17 year old daughter Bristol Palin, and her obvious femininity which runs so contrary to the feminist agenda.

Although the feminists may believe that women are only as good as men when they look and act like them, at this political humor site, we stand behind Sarah Palin, firm and rigid in our support, excited by the announcement, as we thrust forward towards the election. We’ll be tugging for her.

Sarah Palin Speech Video

H/T College OTR
More at the Politico.

John McCain Acceptance Speech Video

H/T Read my Mind

Since I bumped it so quickly, be sure to check out the latest from Les James, When Politicians Fly. Also be sure to welcome him to his new satire and parody site, Sideshow Mirrors. Vote your favorite posts at Humor-Blogs.com.