Political Humor |

Part Two of an Unbelievably Quotable, Genus of a Paper

In Part One of my Wow! I can’t believe no one thought of this sooner solution to every problem …ever, we saw that Free Radicals, caused by the metabolization of oxygen, are the true cause of the Earth’s issues. This time we look at the solutions.

Simple steps can be immediately taken to reduce the effects of Free Radicals upon, not only our economy, but also the health of the entire world. Let’s look at some of the major contributors of oxygen, and find solutions.

I call for massive deforestation of the Amazon. This will go a long way to helping reduce the land-based production of oxygen and open up a lot of space for farming. Next, clear cut all old growth forest. We all know the elderly are useless anyway, and should be removed for the betterment of society.

Now we turn to the ocean. Pollution seems the most effective way to curb plankton growth. So, to save the planet, we must dump our waste into the sea.

Automobiles are terrible for the air we breathe. We ‘re going to have to outlaw catalytic converters. They put water vapor into the atmosphere, a leading cause of Global Warming. There are many other methods we can employ to bring down the oxygen in our atmosphere, but these will constitute a good beginning.

Admittedly, a first it may be difficult for some to cope with a lower O2 content in the air. I believe that my many mountaineering experiences from 16,500 to 22,500 feet, proves that the decreased pressure –much the same as decreased oxygen levels – which reduce reasoning ability, will not be noticed, since mostly, we will all suffer the same debilitating effects.

Everyone’s dumb at altitude. Except for idiots. They aren’t affected. This is how we level the economic playing field. America is great because of our ability to reason and problem solve. With those gifts eliminated, the rest of the world will be on an equal footing with us.

Just think of it. We can reduce Global Warming, increase the health of all oxygen breathing life forms, slow down decay by rust, and best of all, Save the Planet from Free Radicals. Finally, we have Science We Can Believe In.

If you can’t see the Truth in this, it’s because you simply don’t have the smarts to understand. This tells me you aren’t a true American, and are probably just a Stupid Mouth Breathing Foreigner, and therefore, an idiot.

Or, you might be running our country, and therefore…