The following was found crumpled on the floor after a recent White House Press Corpse Briefing. The source appears to be Robert Gibbs.

Note to self: Palin fits all her notes on her palm. Find pen that will write on mine. It’s too greasy from constantly jerking-off the public.

1. Situation in Gulf

Warm-up those brain-dead press sycophants with an opening statement.

The President wants the American people to know, he loves Black Folk. This is why he’s causing the wind to break-up the oil slick into small, Earth Friendly drops. Unlike George Bush, who steered Katrina into the Big Easy, and then blew-up the levees.

2. Oil Jokes.

Oil spill? What oil spill? More oil drips off of David Axelrod’s head every day then is leaking in the Gulf.

The BP leak is no crisis. If it where, Rahm Emanual wouldn’t be wasting it.

Speaking of British Petroleum, years ago Americans dumped English Tea into the waters of Boston Harbor. Now the Brits are dumping Texas Tea into our waters.

Don’t worry about the recent dip in the Stock Market. Pork futures are down. Is this mike on? Hello. Pending European bailouts of the P.I.G.S.? Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain? Pork futures? Get it?

Getting off oil topic humor: Who ever brought the Shar-Pei in here will have to… Oops, my mistake, it’s Helen Thomas. Sorry, Helen. Oh… no… Helen… please… don’t… walk… out.

3. Spin Doctoring the Muslim Times Square Bomber

The person arrested for the alleged car bombing attempt in Times Square, will now be known as the Guy Once Thought to be a Middle-Aged, White Male, or GOTMAWM for short. We’re pronouncing it Got Mom.

The Got Mom was obviously influenced by the Tea Party movement. His choice of car to blow-up says he hates foreigners, just like the Tea Baggers. The gasoline used in the failed bomb, is a symbol of the incendiary rhetoric used by these bigots, and the fireworks are a clear signal of just how the 4^th of July has been twisted into a call for open, bloody revolution.

The Justice Department, FBI, and Homeland Security are creating a joint task force to investigate everyone associated with this right-wing mob. We cannot allow people who have recently gained their US citizenship to be brainwashed into treasonous acts of wanton destruction and senseless violence. These Tea Bag Terrorist will be stopped.

4: Rednecks

The flooding in Tennessee is terrible, but the President wants the people of Nashville to know, he will take action soon. Soon as the Grand Ole Opry promises not to reopen.

5: Finish-up

In conclusion, currently your Government is not doing everything it can for you, But we’re working on it. It’s just going to take a bit more sacrifice on everyone’s part. Remember, when it comes to your hard earned money, we take it… seriously. 

Take no questions. Go smoke a bowl with VP.

Astute Observation of the Day

What makes BP think that putting a dome over the well will contain anything? We put a dome over Congress years ago.

Category: Political Humor Tags: BP oil spill, Conservative Satire, Flooding in Tennessee, Greece Bail-out, Obama's Katrina, PIGS, Political Humor, President Obama Jokes, Robert Gibbs