JO the Roofer
Hi, I’m JO the Roofer. Remember me? I’m the guy you hired to redo your roof last time. I know it didn’t go very well. It leaked, and ruined your floors, and I’m sure you’re pissed. I know your furniture is ruined, and the toxic mold in your walls from all the moisture is a real bummer. I also understand how angry you are about the amount of water pouring through ruining your foundation. I want you to know one thing: It’s not my fault.
This is a dire emergency, and to fix it we’ll have to act fast. If you wait any longer, the mold could kill you and with the foundation problems, your house might fall on your head! Your whole family will die if you don’t do this IMMEDIATELY! You have no time to think about it, or come up with your own plan! I know it sounds crazy, but you have to trust me since I did such a great job with your roof! Do you want your family to die? With all my experience as a roofer, I know just what to do that’ll fix everything!
First, you need to borrow money that you don’t have, as much as you can get, and give it to me. For your family not to die, it’ll have to be a lot of money. Your house is too important to let it fall down and start over.
Next, what I’m going to do is take your money, and give it to some of my cousins. I have a cousin that does foundation work, and his business is failing, so he’ll get some. I also have a cousin that does mold remediation, and his business is also in trouble, so he’ll get some. But wait, there’s more! I have still another cousin who owns a flooring business, and guess what! His business is failing to and we’ll give him some money! And I’ll take some money, and we’ll rebuild your house.
What? You don’t trust my cousins? Why not? I taught them everything they know about construction. Don’t worry though, I’m going to appoint a few of my brothers-in-law to oversee the work. I taught them everything they know, too. It’ll be fine! We’ll fix all this, you’ll see. Trust me!
Wait! What are your doing? Why are you hitting me!? OW!!! Not in the FACE!!!!
If you liked this, you’ll love JumpOut’s Law Enforcement Humor and Political Satire blog, You Should Be Tasered!
Category: Political Humor Tags: Bailout, Congress, Humor, Humour, Political Humor, Politics, Satire, Stupidity
2004–2012
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[...] It Now My newest Political Satire post is up at Radioactive Liberty. Go there now, and read [...]
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Dearest JO the Roofer,
I’m all for it! Sign me up!
I’d ask that after you take my money, that you DON’T tell me where it’s going or how it’s getting spent. If my house does fall down or my family succumbs to illness due to the mold – after all the money I borrowed doesn’t fix it- I know it’s not because it was you fault, but mine for not giving you even more money that I didn’t have.
I know that it’s the intention that counts and not the results. Bless you and your cousins for the lack of foresight and effort you all put into this plan.
I look forward to being fleeced and bent over and so do my great grandchildren, who haven’t been born.
Merry Obamass,
Les
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To the casual observer, it would appear that you are incompetent, and perhaps corrupt, but I have faith in you that you and your cousins know more about roofing than I do, so you get my vote of confidence.
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Sounds great and I don’t even have a house!
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Intercourse you and your lousy worthless libtard cousins and the horse they rode in on! Oh and by the way don’t be sending cousin Vito over to break my knees because I won’t use your lousy company to rebuild my house that you screwed up in the first place, I own guns, and so do my bible reading family members, and we know how to use them! And another thing! You can take your Clinton retread pres-elect and stick all his hopey changey propaganda where the sun NEVER shines! Unless, of course you and all your cousins are non-english speaking illegal alien muslim gays, in which case I’ll be happy to help you out.
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JO the Roofer – Please release a commemorative coin bearing your likeness. I’ll take two dozen!