I’ve decided I am supporting Vladimir Putin for President of the United States in 2012. Now, this is my own opinion, and I do not know how the other humorists, and satirists of Radioactive Liberty feel about my decision. This is not a blanket endorsement from this blog, only from me. I’m sure Fiar will be supporting himself as usual. Chris C will probably support a tuna or something, and I guess Les is going for Pennywise (the demonic clown not the crappy band). While those are all solid choices, I think Mr. Putin is far and away the best choice to lead this country going forward.
See, Congress has just spent a hundred gazillion dollars buying up private property, and shares in corporations. All hundred gazillion of those dollars belong to the American people. I feel Putin could have saved us a considerable amount of taxpayer dollars. He probably would have just taken all that stuff by force without paying for it. The end result is the same, except for the executives that might have been executed for speaking out against Putin’s takeover, but it would cost far less money.
The Democrats in Congress are wanting to resurrect the “Fairness Doctrine” which would, in effect, end conservative talk radio. See, liberal talk radio loses money every time. Conservative talk radio makes money. By forcing conservative talk radio to add liberal talk radio, talk radio is no longer profitable. All the stations will be playing light airy favorites of the seventies and eighties. Then, the only media voices you’ll hear will be Keith Olbermann, and Joy Beharr. What fun. President Putin on the other hand would end conservative radio, liberal radio, and would likely execute the hosts of The View for being insufferable cunts. That’s a policy I can get behind.
There’s an old saying that goes “If you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly bear.” Maybe in this case it should be “If you’re gonna be a bear be a Soviet bear.” The point is the same. Why do things half-assed? At least Putin will defend our borders, and make sure islamofascists are afraid to mess with us. The bright side is we won’t have to suffer through another one of those lame “Chill wind” speeches from Hollywood types. They’ll either embrace the new administration or die. Preferably the latter.
If you liked this, you’ll love the law enforcement humor and political satire of JumpOut’s own blog: You Should be Tasered.
2004–2009
10 responses so far ↓
1 Posts in Other Places « Humor and Satire at You Should Be Tasered // Nov 26, 2008 at 12:16 pm
[...] in Other Places The new satire post is up at Radioactive Liberty. Go read it now, or you will be sent to a prison camp in [...]
2
Les James
// Nov 26, 2008 at 12:52 pm
That brings back such happy memories of the Cold War, duck and cover drills and a time when China was still called a communist country. [sigh]
I’m thinking we have a kinder, gentler form of subjugation with our up-coming administration. One were we can all hold hands and be taken to that place where ‘they all float down here.’
3
Jr
// Nov 26, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Can Palin be his Vice President?
Please?
She and Putin are practically neighbors, anyway.
4
David
// Nov 28, 2008 at 11:26 am
I’m pretty sure that Palin would not be well received because she’s been watching him from her porch and those KGB types hate being watched.
5
David
// Nov 28, 2008 at 11:27 am
Oh, oh and you are missing the entertainment value of The View - they are fighting bitches much of the time - and I’m sure they all want to kill the hasslebeak bitch. Sherri reveals she is dumb as a rock being held down by a bible, Whoopi and Joy are funny and witty and now Baba Wawa has outed herself as a slut. Where can you get all this for free?
6
Jr
// Nov 29, 2008 at 11:29 am
Where can I get that kind of entertainment value for free?
At my family reunion 2007.
It was a bloodbath.
7
JumpOut
// Nov 29, 2008 at 1:27 pm
If you think Joy and whoopi are funny, you are a failure as a human being.
8
Andrew Slominski
// Dec 4, 2008 at 2:23 am
Haha, that’s awesome. Too bad Obama’s propaganda is better than any of the Soviet propaganda. I’m not sure Putin could keep up.
9
JumpOut
// Dec 4, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Putin wouldn’t have to keep up. Putin has two speeds, walk and kill.
10
Obzerver
// Dec 5, 2008 at 11:58 pm
The next Russian presidential election is also in 2012. So even if one-man-one-vote applies, I’m sure one-president-two-countries wouldn’t.
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