A recent report from Germany’s Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences indicates that the next ten years or so, man made global warming will be engaged in a blood feud with Mother Nature, Earth Mother Gaia herself. It seems that the oceans are cooling. The thing about the oceans is that they are big. Really big.
I don’t want to get too bogged down in scientological explanations, but when things are really big, they make a major impact on other, uh… Things.
I hope that concept won’t make your brain hurt as much as it hurt mine. So, anyway, these big, cooling oceans will cause atmospheric cooling of the Earf as a whole.
Global warming hyperventilationists, and peddlers of global warming snake oil - Guaranteed to cure all your tax increase, and intrusive government regulation needs - Assure us that there’s no need for alarm. “Man made” global warming will continue unabated.
It’s just going on a brief holiday while Earth Mother engages in a perfectly natural cycle of cooling. Perhaps Gaia is merely carrying out some counterterrorism measures against that plague most vile and wicked - People.
Take for instance, this Global Warming Amway salesman, Richard Wood, who says:
Those natural climate variations could be stronger than the global-warming trend over the next 10-year period. Without knowing that, you might erroneously think there’s no global warming going on.
Am I the only one more than a little skeptical of a source named Dick Wood? Maybe that’s just me, erroneously thinking that there’s no global warming going on. Seriously. Dick Wood? Is this a news story or a global warming satire?
Another “expert,” Noel Keelnyside, needs your help to free the funds from a Nigerian Bank account:
If we don’t experience warming over the next 10 years, it doesn’t mean that greenhouse-gas warming is not with us. There can be natural fluctuations that may mask climate change in the short term.
Right, I’ll forward you my bank account number post haste Noel.
Either way, the planet will undergo a decade or so of totally natural and organic cooling, which will make it seem like as if there is no warming trend at all. But rest assured, filthy humans will stop at nothing to destroy the very environment that allows them to live. Especially when there’s a profit to turn.
After all, Death and Destruction are such profitable industries. That’s why Democrats support genocidal policies that keep black people out of the way, like their support for the right to murder 50% of the black population before it’s born.
Democrats also like to round up all the black people and cram them into prisons for petty drug related crimes, where they learn to kill each other even more efficiently upon return to their government funded section 8 housing, and wait for the next food stamp pay day.
Sorry, I got a little nostalgic over the whole Death and Destruction thing. I love destruction.
The Global Warming Multi-Level Marketing pyramid scam is in some - to use the technical term - Deep shit. Now the con artists and hucksters want us to ignore the entirely natural cycle of warming and cooling that the Earth undergoes.
Global Warming isn’t even an issue. It’s a religion. The Church of Global Warming, Pope/Nobel Prize winner Al Gore presiding. He couldn’t win an election no matter how they tried to twist the vote counting, so he started a cult.
Just like a few knuckleheaded Christian fundamentalists believe in the solid state theory, Global Warming Cultists think that the Earth is, always has been, and always will be exactly like it is. Just so long as the infestation of Humans don’t screw it up.
Nothing to see here, move along. Sure, I did happen to notice you’re combating global warming with a snow shovel, but that doesn’t mean that global warming isn’t happening. Move along, or you might be burned at the stake as a heretic.
Come to think of it, Global Warming really is man made. In the sense of being entirely contrived and fabricated. Also like a religion.
Humor-Blogs.com will destroy the world. I’ll bring the beer and the conservative political humor.
2004–2008
17 responses so far ↓
1 Chris C. // May 7, 2008 at 12:07 pm
They won’t burn you at the stake because that would release more greenhouse gases.
Have you seen the carbon footprint counter you can add to your website? Not only does it calculate the CO2 usage but it also will make some kind of green thing happen without it costing you a penny.
2 Les James // May 7, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Gaia must be pissed at humans.
The goddess mother of the world has got to be very upset over all of this global warming crap, or maybe global cooling. I’m not sure anymore.
People have no control over the climate. The universe is all in the hands of the gods. Doesn’t anyone watch Battlestar Galactica?
What’s happening now is just an extension of in fighting amongst the deities. Gaia’s been feuding with Vulcan (the god of fire) for thousands of years. It goes back to an unplanned pregnancy. Apparently, she is not a Democrat, or she would have just aborted the unwanted burden.
So Vulcan keeps spewing out fire, ash and greenhouse gasses, while Gaia cools the oceans. The latest round in this ongoing match is taking place right now, in southern Chile. Chaiten, an “extinct” volcano, that hasn’t erupted in 9000 years, is wreaking environmental havoc with the local flora and fauna. Not only that, but the cloud of super-heated, poison gasses is floating out over the Atlantic Ocean.
It’s about time to just get over ourselves and remember that the Cylons are going to wipe us all out before we get a chance to do it.
3 Daniel // May 7, 2008 at 3:19 pm
>>>scientological explanations
Would those come from Tom Cruise or John Travolta?
Otherwise, ignoring the immense popularity of going to the Scientologists, I would suggest that you might consider using scientific explanations – unless they differ from the pre-determined conclusion.
>>no matter how they tried to twist the vote counting
not that is in any way relevant to this topic but I seem to recall that it was the Repub’s that had the 9 Supremes manipulate the vote.
>>Democrats also like to round up all the black people and cram them into prisons for petty drug related crimes
Again, not relevant to today’s rant but I think the Repub’s get credit for this one as well. Wasn’t it God’s wife, Nancy Reagan, that campaigned for just-say-no? Usually the conservative view is that Democrats are aligned with the pot smokers. The Republicans, ala GWB, prefer cocaine I understand…. more elite, you know!
Anyway - another delightfully incendiary missive. Thanks
4 RT // May 7, 2008 at 6:18 pm
So if the oceans get really cold and freeze, can we go ice skating instead of going to the shore? I don’t like going to the shore: too many kids and too many grains of sand.
5 Alex L. // May 8, 2008 at 12:30 am
Dick Wood?
6 lrbinfrisco // May 8, 2008 at 10:42 am
Apparently Daniel’s memory is faulty about the 2000 presidential elections. The US Supreme court did not attempt to manipulate the vote, they voted to counter the FL Supreme court (dominated by democrats) who were attempting to manipulate the vote. It was democrat judge Saul Sanders who originally ruled that further recounts of votes were illegal. But I guess that wasn’t good enough for Sore Loserman Al Gore.
7 Daniel // May 8, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Daniel stands corrected. I guess what the Supremes did was manipulate the election rather than manipulate the vote counting.
8 Fiar // May 8, 2008 at 2:05 pm
How is it manipulating the election to say, “You’ve recounted the votes a half-dozen times already, and you can’t change the standard for what votes count and what votes don’t to suit your agenda, in the middle of the election. You’re done. Your guy lost by every count. It’s over.”
That is what the Supreme Court ruled.
9 Daniel // May 8, 2008 at 2:43 pm
I suppose it was just hopeful “revisionist history” thinking that makes me want to believe that the election was manipulated by activist judges…the last 7 years have been just so darned great for the good ole US of A with W at the helm.
10 Fiar // May 8, 2008 at 3:34 pm
“the last 7 years have been just so darned great for the good ole US of A with W at the helm.”
That’s what you get with a Democrat in the White House. I’m glad you’ve turned to the conservative side on this, Daniel.
11 Fiar // May 8, 2008 at 3:35 pm
It does make me long for the days of our most conservative President in the last 20 years - Bill Clinton.
12 Daniel // May 8, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I’m such a silly boy. I have this idea that being labeled conservative doesn’t make one a good president and being labeled liberal doesn’t make one a bad president.
I, too, long for the days when Mr. Clinton wasn’t being tormented by Kenneth Starr investigating savings and loan activites and blowjobs. Never did understand the relationship between the two. Remember when we had a budget surplus and the stock market was doing fine? Ah the good old days.
Shucks, I’m still proud that I worked as a member of my school’s Young Republican Club for the 68 Nixon campaign. I still think he was a good president in terms of international diplomacy…even though he had so much fun in the oval office with Billy Graham bashing the Jews and the homosexuals among others.
Heck, I even admired Senator McCain when he stood on principles and voted as a statesman…before he went back to suck up to the Falwell/Robertson’s of America just to try to glom onto the religious right votes from people he correctly called agents of intolerance, and other such political shenanigans.
I DID find this blog from the humor-blogs directory…didn’t I?
13 Eileen // May 8, 2008 at 10:23 pm
What I find humorous, is that people without the knowledge to understand the models, have such strong opinions on who is right and who is wrong, as the scientists debate this stuff.
(You and Al Gore included).
14 Chris C. // May 9, 2008 at 2:17 am
Eileen they don’t give out how they come up with the models making it an unfair argument. None of us are privy to this information and isn’t that a problem? Why can’t we know?
We are told to believe that because we don’t have a degree and go to college we don’t have the ability to know what the experts do. Total bullshit.
None of us need to be a scientist to understand science. To believe otherwise is the biggest putdown to our intelligence and our biggest weakness.
And while we are on this Gore doesn’t have a science degree either but he’s a so-called expert on environmental science. Total bullshit times two.
We learned about the scientific method in school. Why would we be taught this if it were not to arm ourselves with the knowledge to combat silly claims like we control the weather?
Put AGW through the process of the scientific method and it fails because climate experiments are not a closed system. There are too many variables you cannot account for making the experiment null and void.
I’m not making the opinion that AGW is a voidable theory. I am saying the scientific method does. You cannot escape facts.
15 Earl E // May 9, 2008 at 10:43 am
If man can impact warming, man can impact cooling. Water may not be evaporating as much due to aerosol reflectivity in clouds and con-trails.
That would cool the ocean.
Ocean temps impact weather.
Cool an ocean, change the weather.
Warm an ocean, change the weather.
If anyone claims to know how to use these realities to acurately predict weather, then they should have their own network weather channel.
But there isn’t anyone who can predict anything, they have enough trouble trying to figure out what already happened.
Prepare for change. Centralized food and energy production are risks that society takes. Volcanoes instantly ruin all predictions for years. What happens to cooling when an increase in volcanism accompanies an increase in particulate pollution from China and India.
Well, we are going to find out.
As one soccer referee said, “Live by the off-sides trap, die by the off-sides trap.” You can’t always count on the referee(weatherman).
16 Eileen // May 9, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I don’t consider Al Gore an expert.
(I think I mentioned that).
Warming is causing cooling. Ice melts, ocean gets more fresh cold water, ocean temperature and salinity goes down.
And even though this was predicted, it is used to tell all the logical thinking people that the global warming claimers are all wrong, and this proves it.
The fact that opinions on science seem to fall down political lines, tells me that politics, more than science, is effecting people’s views.
17 Is It Getting Warmer? » Global Cooling Consistent With Global Warming // May 13, 2008 at 12:54 pm
[...] applied to climate models and are being discussed with so much emotion on web (see here, here, and here for different viewpoints). (Follow the feed link to read the rest of the [...]
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