Sunday Shockwaves
There has been so much extensive debate going on at Fmragtops Spews that it has inspired me to try out a new feature at Radioactive Liberty in which we discuss hot-button issues of the day. Hopefully, this will lead to much lively discussion and heated debate. Let’s try to keep it moderately civil, though, in spite of the fact that we will, no doubt, be discussing issues that evoke strong feelings and strike to the very core of our beleifs.
Please – I can not emphasize this enough – refrain from invoking ad hominems, making death threats, resorting to name calling, or issuing condemnations until you have responded with at least one grammatically complete sentence.
Without further ado, our first issue on the table is, Turtles: Nature’s speed bump, or soup that comes in its own bowl?
Discuss.
Category: Flame War Parody
2004–2012
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Being from Louisiana, I say that turtles are soup, and nothing more. We try not to run over turtles around here. Roadkill turtles don’t make good soup.
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The answer is neither; they are simply inane YouTube material.
u r so $#%#$in’ wrong, fmfagtopless! get a brain, moron, or why dont u kill urself and #$^%$^ spare me the trouble, $#^%$^!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
I, er, think I fulfilled your requirements there, Fitch.
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You didn’t condemn me though. A simple condemnation isn’t too much to ask, is it?
Your ad homininem was nice though.
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From time immemorial, people have moved too fast. Nature has a way of balancing things out. Call it entropy, call it intelligent design, call it the hand of God, but balance it does, and thus – the turtle.
Slow moving itself, and perfectly designed to trip up the hasty, the turtle is nature’s way of slowing things down, whether it be in the time before the horseless carriage, or in the present day age of the modern motorcar, the turtle is there. Unpredictable in it’s locale, it has a certain je ne sais quoi about it, and as such, unlike rocks, one never knows quite where the turtle may cast itself in one’s path.
Man, in his infinite wisdom, has created speedbumps and hybrid cars to slow people down in this fast paced modern age, but the turtle has always been Nature’s way of reminding us that we need to slow down, and take in the scenery, or wind up face down in a mudpuddle.
Yes, the turtle is indisputably nature’s speedbump, and that is why, FNdoucherag, I condemn your salmonella soup sipping.
Oh yes, and pink square, not that there’s anything wrong with that, way to throw away your vote. Moron.
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Animals that taste good are meant to be eaten. It is an abomination to waste perfectly good food by using it as a speedbump.
Alright, F-king Ignorant Asshat Reject! I condemn your hatemongering, ad hominem attacks! And you, Blue Balls, who the hell wants to watch a stupid turtle in a tank.
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OMGZORZ YOUZE A COBAG!!!!111eleventy
Sorry, your plea to avoid ad hominem simply invoked memories of a troll long gone.
-Steve the Pirate
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As for your question:
Turtles provide no purpose other than to entertain me when I turn them over on their backs and watch them struggle. I turn them over eventually.
Yeah, eventually.
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And you guys suck.
That’s the best ad homenem that I can come up with at 4am.
There. I’ve met all the requirements…albeit in three separate posts.
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Turtle is a dish best served cold…like revenge, only tastier and easier to cook.
Monger monger monger monger monger
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Genuinely funny. Sorry, can’t muster an ad homenem (or even spell it…)
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Once I had a pet turtle, I kept it in a cage, and when a car ran over it, it filled me full of rage!
Piss on you you turtle hating Nazi. Bush killed my turtle and you…you…you probably helped him. If the neo-cons win in 2008, they will kill all of the turtles in the world. I bet you think that is funny, you sick bastard!
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George Bush and I made a soup out of your turtle and ate it. It was good. Mmmmm, turtle soup.
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Blue Square, are we being grammatically correct enough before we make our ad hominems.
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Mmmmm…soup…
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I just re-read the post, and realized I forgot something. So, in an effort to respond completely: I am going to f-ing kill all you non-soupers!
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The question of turtle soup is definitely one for the ages.
Cobagz.