Political Humor

I love Christmas songs! And who doesn’t? The best thing about Christmas carols is that they are so damned easy to learn. They only ever have like 4 lines, and those lines are repeated over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over, ad nauseum. Then the songs are played on an infinite loop beginning in October. Even children can learn the songs in no time.

What’s not to love?

The most bestest, favoritest, awesomest Christmas song of all time has to be the 12 Days of Christmas. It’s a little hard to learn all the parts, since there are 12 days of lines to learn, but with repeating all the lines that came before, it’s the single most repetitive of all the Christmas songs. Let me tell you, what a joy it is to sing the lines over and over again with just that minor, teensy weensy change of adding a new line each time. It’s the best!

So, for your Christmas pleasure we have crafted this 12 Days of Christmas parody with a political humor twist. It’s not just a tribute to Christmas, but it also pays homage to global warming hysteria. Global warming hysteria may be having it’s last Christmas this year before it grows up and transforms into an adult size “global climate change.”

Adulthood for global warming involves lots of backpedaling and double-speak, so it’s not much fun. Let’s all enjoy it’s last hurrah.

On the First Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
a copy of his stupid movie

On the Second Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
too high a heating bill
and a copy of his stupid move

On the Third Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
three frostbit fingers
too high a heating bill
and a copy of his stupid movie

On the Fourth Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
four extra parkas
three frostbite fingers
too high a heating bill
and a copy of his stupid movie

On the Fifth Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
five frozen squirrels
four extra parkas
three frostbite fingers
too high a heating bill
and a copy of his stupid movie

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
Al Gore gave to me
twelve inches of Global Warming
eleven pipes a busting
ten icy sidewalks slipping
nine Hobo-cicles
eight record snowfalls
seven nasty ice storms
six days of blackout
five frozen squirrels
four extra parkas
three frostbit fingers
too high a heating bill
and a copy of his stupid movie

Wow! That was almost as much fun as it is to put a gigantic tree inside my tiny little home rendering one of the few rooms in my house unusable for an entire month. If you enjoyed that, first seek professional help. I don’t care if it’s a psychologist, your minister, or the fairies you talk to as you walk down the street. As long as they are certified, because you are certifiable.

Step two, email it to all your friends, link to it from your blog if you have one, or post it to your favorite social media/bookmarking sites. We think it’s good for everyone if you spread the humor around. Besides, it is the season of sharing.

Step three, check out some of our other Christmas humor columns.
* Obama Night Before Christmas Parody
* Holiday Gift Ideas
* Does Santa Claus Hate the Jews?

This was a collaborative effort between Fiar and Les James. Original concept, intro, and outro by Fiar. 12 Days of Christmas lyrics mangled by Les James. Les James enjoys long walks on the beach, dressing up as Mrs. Claus, and having people submit their works of humor to his twisted humor blog, Sideshow Mirrors. If you’re looking for a Christmas gift for Les, just send him your work to post to his blog. If you would like to send Fiar a Christmas gift, don’t listen to those uppity etiquette manuals, cash is a perfectly cromulent gift.

Merry Obamass!