Political Humor

Barack Obama was elected President of the United States of America on November 4, 2008. We covered the action, and even predicted the outcome of the election in advance. I personally took the position that McCain was just too crappy of a candidate to vote for him.

The next 8-10 years of Obama’s Presidency are going to be interesting. We are the opposition now. It is now our turn to shake our tiny fists of rage and be the new Daily Kos wiener kids of internet loserdom. Now it is our turn to be filled with incoherent rage for the President. Our battle cries will be Uck Fobama, Obama=Hitler, Not My President, Impeach Obama, Indict Axlerod, and Eliminate Emmanuel.

We will suffer incomprehensible cases of Obama Derangement Syndrome, and revile anything and everything that can be even tangentially associated with Obama. We will document Obamisms and release a series of woefully unentertaining books around them. Our lives will be full of misery and rabid hatred for Obama. It will be every bit as incoherent, and unfounded as the support for Obama’s platform of “Hope and Change,” whatever the Hell that was supposed to mean. We will uncover the truth about Obama, no matter how fabricated or false.

We are the new Republican Underground. We have zero tolerance for moderates, bipartisianship, reaching across the aisle, or any other forms of ideological weakness. We have spines of titanium plated steel, forged in the foundries of Hell. We draw our might by feasting on the flesh of babies and fuel our gas guzzling Hummers with the blood of hippies.

In the future, many hippies will be beaten, and stomped under the jackbooted foot of Conservative Opression. But first, I offer this opportunity for those of you reveling in an Obama victory to gloat.

So I call out to Moonbats, Hippies, Obamabots, Obamatrons, and racists that voted for Obama because he is black. Tell us how much we suck. Gloat. Wave the arrogant flag of your electoral victory in our faces.

I’m sure I would never return to this post to say I told you so. Never.

With a Barack Obama Kremlin-ship, I mean Presidency on the way it is time to look at potential choices for some key members of his administration’s Cabinet.

Ministry of Treasury: Comrade Armando Montelongo

This position will be the most important component of a Barack Obama Cabinet because of the tough economic climate. There are also a ton of real estate assets that the government now own and Obama will need someone experienced at the task ahead: flipping distressed, over-valued properties and turning them into profit-makers.

Who better to do this then Armando Montelongo, famed house-flipping expert?

Ministry of the Office of Management and Budget: Comrade Jim Johnson

Even with the record amount of revenues from all the home sales, Barack Obama will still need trillions more for his social programs so the government can provide free health care, auto insurance, college educations, automobiles, food, appliances, and magazine subscriptions for every single person in America regardless of citizenship, as long as you make under $30,000.

Jim Johnson, the former CEO of Fannie Mae was better then most at creating money and I have a feeling we will need a lot of it to pay for the Kool-Aid, or if you prefer Flavor-Aid. Besides, he was Walter Mondale’s campaign manager so that shows he knows what he is doing.

Minstry of State: Comrade William Ayers

This is a tough choice because Ayers would be great for Secretary of Education. He proved that when teamed up with Obama and given a crapload of money Bill accomplished nothing towards improving education. Seeing that math and science scores have consistently been horrible it would be best to have more of that consistency.

However, I think Ayers’ former connections with some of the people we are not getting along with places like Vietnam and Cuba would help forge new relationships with countries returning from the Communist graveyard. He’s the best man to bring them back into the fold.

Ministry of the Interior: Comrade Tony Rezko

While Tony has no experience whatsoever in this area, it always seems like the Interior is the shadiest department of the U.S. Government. Meriting that achievement is impressive being that the convicted felon Ted Stevens won re-election. To be fair the convictions were a whole week ago and everyone says not to dwell in the past right?

Ministry of the Surgeon General: Comrade Jesse Jackson

Jesse Jackson is the obvious choice for this appointment because let’s face it testicular cancer is a possibility for all men. Who better to take care of this problem then the man willing to volunteer to do the surgery on our own President? We can even have Ron Paul walk him through the procedure being a licensed doctor and all.

I am assuming Obama has balls of course. We will find out real soon if he actually does.

Really we will, Comrade Biden said so.

Chris Cameron writes this odd weekly humor column every Thursday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his own brand of funny at his humor blog Angry Seafood.

?egnahC: A Vision of the Apocalypse

And then on the fourth day, teh Messiah had risen to power set to reign for four years, and he brought with him the minions and ghouls of the Underworld known as Congress. And Lo the most merciful Lord Obama sent out the Whore of the Bay whose face was stretched in hideous, and terrifying fashion. With her she carried four seals.

And when the Ghoulosi opened the first seal the Earth beheld a white horse. His rider is always right, and he was given a satirical bow and crown. He was given the power of conquering, and to conquer small, oil rich countries, and the blogosphere. He rode forth and trampled many hippies, and moonbats beneath the white horse’s jackboots.

And ye then did she open the second seal, and the earth beheld a red horse. Power was given unto it’s rider to distort the images of the web, to make them attack those that may be in them. A great sword of humor and satire was given unto him that those who did not find his work funny would laugh anyway.

When the Whore opened the third seal, there emerged a black horse. The rider carried with him a pair of balances. Ghoulosi said unto him a measure of satire for a penny, and three measures of humor for a penny. The rider replied,”You mean I get paid for this? Sweet!” to which the whore replied, “We get it all back in taxes, but take with you this Angry Seafood to unleash upon the earth.”

The fourth seal was then opened, and behold a pale horse. His rider’s name was JumpOut and humor and satire followed with him. And power was given unto them to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. Hilarity ensued.

I’m here bitches, tremble.

Image Credit: March of the Undead by Lainmoon