Political Humor

There is always mudslinging going on, some of it fun political humor, like when Obama is made fun of for saying there are 57 states. Some is disparaging like made-up stories about Sarah Palin pretending her grandchild is actually immediate family. We had no idea the venom the Liberals were capable of spewing until a woman that wasn’t a Democrat ran for Vice President.

It was like the left side of the blogsphere had their meds wear off at the same time, the free Wifi network at Starbucks shuddering under the intense strain of all those liberal moonbats rushing to make sh*t up on the internet. They made Chevy Chase’s behavior at the DNC look subdued and conservative.

But man can those Democrats sling the mud. I can see Andrew Jackson and John Adams wiping tears from their eyes in Heaven, or Hell I guess depending on your viewpoint.

Those two, by the way were the forefathers of the modern day mudslinger. In the Election of 1828, Jackson’s wife was called a ‘dirty black wench‘, his mom a prostitute, and his father a mulatto, apparently by one of Keith Olberman’s ancestors.

Adams was attacked for being rich as well as traveling on Sundays, and having premarital sex with his wife. At least this John didn’t have a love child with a video producer, right Mr. Edwards?

Speaking of South Carolina, John McCain was the victim of some nasty mudslinging in that state’s 2000 Primary when his supporters were called by push-pollers and asked if they would support him if they knew he had an illegitimate black child. Forget mud, someone backed up a concrete mixing truck and unloaded it for crying out loud.

When you get bitch-slapped that hard it is no wonder you vote with Bush 90% of the time. That’s mudslinging for you.

The best is when the candidates themselves do the dirty work. This was the famous ‘Daisy Girl’ ad for Lyndon Johnson’s campaign in 1964:

(Video Link)

With the production values of a crappy YouTube video, it doesn’t seem scary to people today but this ad freaked people out so much it was only run once. Guess who won the election?

The topper was of course Lyndon Johnson’s voice-over. He didn’t use a specialist like the now-departed expert Don LaFontaine. Imagine Barack Obama doing this? The guy needs a teleprompter in the bathroom for crying out loud.

Whoops did I just mudsling?

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political drivel every Thursday for Radioactive Liberty. You can also read his other attempts at being funny on his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com is the home for funny blogs and pigs with lipstick. Just have a few drinks before you click there and it will look a lot better.

The conclusion of Wars: The Dirty Little Secrets, a conservative politics series by Les James.

Act III: A Neat, Small Package

Previously on ‘Wars: The Dirty Little Secrets’

You’ll recall from the first act, that I had a childhood much the same as yours. Consistently being bombarded with doom and gloom, while no one was considerate enough to dropped leaflets first.

We then looked at the overall disaster of government policies designed to kill objects, conditions, and ‘isms’ in the second act. But sometimes things do need to get broken. That’s what our military is good at. It was never designed to play “All the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men”.

Military style wars are often good for an economy. Granted, maybe not this time. Winning a war against tyranny is generally good for the people. While waging “wars” against intangibles is a total waste of time, money, and worse, human life.

Little flowers growing in some backwards, third world countries are not sticking needles into American arms. Hate mongering rhetoric, preached in churches and mosques, doesn’t blow up children on busses. Gun manufactures didn’t put holes in the Kennedys.

Although, after the Kennedys were gone, they somehow did manage to get back together again to form an awesome punk band. California Uber Alles, Holiday in Cambodia, how could you not just love that?

Hate crimes? What if I just don’t like you? I didn’t really have a place for this, so I kind of just threw it in.

If we don’t start seeing the root cause of the problem, i.e. identifying the source, we’re screwed as a nation. Sorry, almost forgot to tell some of you what the problem is. It’s people! Not things! A few of you really surprise me.

Pull Out?

In case you’ve been peaking, yes the final chapter is a little shorter than your use to from me. But I’ve been reassured that it’s the not the word count that matters, it’s how you use them.

Real men don’t pull out before the job is done. Real women don’t favor pulling out either. They know what they desire to accomplish. They get the resources up and ready and then relentlessly push toward achieving that climatic outcome.

Even when it seems to be spontaneous, the main objective is still to see it through to its messy conclusion. It’s about doing what’s necessary, being committed to that cause and not stopping until the objective is satisfied. It’s the American way.

What do I mean by “real”? Well, it’s what us right thinking (real) folk contemplate when we view the left thinking ones, and slowly shake our heads, muttering “Unreal” or sometimes, “Surreal”. This is usually followed by something like, “What a bunch of morons. I’m glad I’ve got more sense then that.”

The “Unreal” don’t like commitments. They don’t like absolutes. They want the freedom to alter their minds or rules to whichever way the wind is blowing. They won’t be tied to bedpost of stogy old ideas like, virtue, morality, honor or integrity. Despite their orgies of strange political bedfellows, and constantly changing their positions, I’ve yet to see them satisfied.

This explains the weaker sect’s desire to not see any “war” through. They can’t. That wouldn’t be consistent with their inconsistencies. They’re continuously prepped and ready to abort anything that’s unwanted or inconvenient before the results begin to show. That’s right, cut and run. Please don’t make me draw you a picture.

In Memoriam

Have we learned nothing? I believe that’s exactly what we’ve learned. Here are a few good examples of precisely what a large shot of ‘nothing learned’ we have to swallow from time to time. Better get a big glass of water ready. We may need it soon.

Remember the Alamo. Remember the Maine. Remember Pearl Harbor. Remember the Pueblo. Remember 911. It’s all about remembering with us. It’s all after the fact, post coitus.

Can’t we do anything contraceptive? Of course not, that’s not what the UN wants. That smacks of taking matters in to our own hands, you dolt. I’m afraid we’ll just have wait until we’re violated. Then we’ll sit down and discuss -with other nations- what our options are in apologizing for what we did to make them force themselves upon us.

It’s kind of like a recent news blurb that said that we promised not to use our proposed eastern European missile defense shield against Russian. I guess if they fire a series of missiles at us or our NATO allies, we need to allow them to land and then negotiate surrender, right after we say we’re sorry. Seems fair.

Internal “war”, external war, it doesn’t seem to matter. We don’t seem to have the stamina to keep one up for very long. What ever happen to, not starting something that you won’t finish?

Let My People Vote

As for our current affairs, November will be very telling. The Conservative, ah, I mean Middle-of-the-Road, Reach-Across-the-Aisle Republican candidate, John McCain, wants a slow, favorable withdrawal from Iraq. While both of the Liberal-Socialist, Laugh-at-the-Other-Side-of-the-Aisle Democrat candidates just want to jerk ‘em out. No matter what their mouths are saying today. Unreal.

Still, I’m afraid that is going to make little difference as to which party ends up in the White House next year, because either way, we’re going to collectively find ourselves bent over the pork barrel. Again.

Image stolen from Zombietime.com Hall of Shame Humor-Blogs.com also has strange bedfellows.

By Chris Cameron

Listen up all you 911 Truthers, the time has come to reveal who was really behind the conspiracy behind the horrific events of September 11, 2001.

It was not the government. Please, they run the IRS and the DMV. Giving someone a license is pretty basic and look how easily they screw that up. Professional mathematicians can’t understand the US Tax Code. The government excels only in incompetence.

It was not Al Qaeda. Well, maybe they were the ones that carried it out but they were hired hands. Who do you think bought them?

It was Disney. The super corporation that stands for shoving fun and Hannah Montana down our collective throats was behind it all. Speaking of Hannah Montana, when does she turn eighteen? I want to mark that day on my calendar so that I know when impure thoughts about her are legal to have running through my devious mind many would call a gutter.

Where the hell was I?

Ah yes, Disney was the mastermind behind 911.

You may ask “how can a nice friendly mouse kill thousands of people and basically ramp up the rise of radical Islam?” Or maybe “what the hell are you smoking?” To which I would reply, “Perfectly legal cigarettes.”

It all began in the late 90’s. Disney had it all. They were in all the malls in America. They had theme parks in California, Florida, and even France. The “I Surrender” ride was a big hit over there, but the rest of the park – not so much.

They had a vast library of films, mostly ones that followed the same plot line: parents get killed and the main character’s conflict directly relates to that past event. They started up their own cable channel and even had a sports team with a really stupid name, the Mighty Ducks.

But was this enough for Eisner? Apparently not, he wanted more, and in 2000 an evil plot was hatched. Bin Laden was already planning an attack on the United States but he was lacking in the business sense. His group wanted to blow up government buildings, but Osama knew there was something missing in the plan.

While on a tour of Euro Disney, Eisner reached out to Bin Laden and persuaded him to target the World Trade Center in order to topple an icon of financial and commercial success of the United States. He saw this as his opportunity for expansion of the Disney brand name, and a means to an end.

With the World Trade Center removed as that icon, there would need to be something to replace it that would be equal in symbolism. What better way to do this then with a Disney Theme Park right in Manhattan?

The dragging of the feet on the memorial is just Disney’s attorneys slowing down the process enough so that Eisner can buy the land and begin construction on Disney NYC.

Six years later the land where the World Trade Center stood remains undeveloped and Mickey Mouse is now being marketed to extreme Islam.

Coincidence? I think not!

Chris Cameron is a writer of odd and different humor. You can read more of his strangeness at Angry Seafood.

humor-blogs.com is not the group behind 911 but they are still on the hook for where socks go in the dryer.